S*x life going downhill & female health

[Annenoyed23]

Hi all. Just wanting some clarity on a situation and if any other women struggle with this.

i’m only 26 but have been with dh 8 years. We have 2 children together and have lived together for over 4 years. Throughout our relationship our sex life has gone through ups and downs (just like you’d expect after being in a long term relationship) so Ofcourse I know it can’t be great 100% of the time.

since the children started school we have reconnected a lot and got alot of the love and passion back. Our sex life has been great (although we only usually do it 2/3 times a week) it’s always really good.

the past few weeks I’ve been struggling to get turned on. When I feel happy, confident in myself etc I will want it every day if possible but recently I just can’t get in the mood. I’ve gone through stages like this before and sometimes happens throughout my cycle due to my hormones. It’s becoming embarrassing for me as I just can’t seem to get in the mood or wet (sorry tmi). This makes it awkward and I know he can tell and it makes him struggle to finish and I end up feeling really embarrassed after and not good enough.

even when I do ‘O’ I’m still not producing barely any wetness. When he touches me I’m not feeling ANYTHING sexual at all. To the point I’m ending up faking it or forcing myself to ‘O’.

im wondering what the reasons are for this? Why can I go through stages of wanting it every day and then phases of not feeling anything at all? Why can’t I get wet? Am I lacking a certain hormone? I know alot of it is mental too as if we have had an argument I just can’t get in the mood. I’m also extremely insecure about my stomach after having kids which can make me feel uncomfortable/not relaxed sometimes (other times I’m not bothered though!).

is there something wrong with me? Is there anything that can help? Does anyone else experience this? I feel not good enough and like I can’t please him

Sounds pretty normal to me. My ease of arrousal is determined by hormones, stress, tiredness, etc.. Lube is there for a purpose of you WANT sex but the body isn’t cooperating. Otherwise do it more often when you are in the mood and less when you aren’t. You aren’t faulty - you are female!!!

Its completely normal, our menstrual cycle means we're unlikely to be always arousable(is that a word 😂)...men are different to us and I think its very easy to forget that we're just built differently.

definitely invest in some lube, it’s quite fun too! I bought some for my new relationship, largely for morning sex as being at early stages and not getting much time together we always wanted sex in the morning at least twice before I left! Obviously you’re not always going to be fully aroused the next morning, and feeling a bit delicate as been drinking the night before so I bought some lube from love honey to help and it definitely did. Just tell your DH that you think it’s hormonal and nothing to do with you not fancying him etc and hopefully that will take the pressure off and any soreness from having sex when your body isn’t fully co-operating. As others said women aren’t wired up the same way as men and can’t always be ready in seconds. Also focus on foreplay - though if you’re not feeling anything that might not help but women need more than a few mins to get turned on

Thanks everyone! I know hormones are playing a large part of it but it’s just so frustrating.

in terms of lube - have yet to try it! He spent a good 20mins down there today and j felt absolutely nothing! How is that even normal?! Lol. In the end I just fake moan argh.

We also had an argument yesterday and when that happens sex doesn’t even cross my mind. It’s like sex is so mental for me and maybe he just doesn’t get that.

Are you taking any new medications? Any at all? Are you on hormonal contraception?

No - no medications!

I do have pcos (although don’t think this really affects me? Other than extremely irregular periods)