I left my husband 3 years ago with then my 3 year old daughter and my dog after so many failed attempts, I filed immediately and wrote a will. Something told me this was it it’s either me or him. I had a breakdown 6 months later and found myself at a domestic abuse support group having been sent by my solicitor at the time. I met a lovely lady who helped me realise I was in a very emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. She was a counsellor.
I tried to sustain contact with him and our daughter but the abuse escalated and after advice from social services and my solicitor I stopped contact with him and our daughter. It was the right thing and he was denied via court access for a number of years as the abuse was confirmed.
Anyway roll on a few years and contact resumed, supervised then unsupervised. During this time (and thanks to the advice from a previous thread) he has got all his places in position to look reformed into a loving partner and father. He isn’t, he’s just playing a game. Anyway that’s irrelevant for this thread.
I seem a bit stuck at the moment. I’ve been in a good place for many years with not having contact and not thinking about him, but my brain is busy with something currently, like a dog with a bone. I’m obsessing on whether he is abusing his new partner. Partly its because I tried so hard to keep our daughter from witnessing it I’d be dammed if all that stress came to nothing. But the other part of it is I have come to realise is that it would validate what I went through and confirm the abuse.
I don’t know if anyone else feels this but when it’s emotional abuse it’s so underhand it’s like is never really clear. I find closure hard. If he did it again and someone else can agree with me I would feel better. I have worked through so many emotions in these years, I am no longer in fear, his face doesn’t scare me, my memories no longer scare me.
Is this wanting validation normal or am I just triggered by the contact starting again?