What would you do?

[Cottosocks]

I'll try and keep this brief. My ex of 20 years. We have one son who is now 20. We've split up 6 years ago. Mostly very amicable - mostly my compromise for my sons benefit. Fast forward 6 years we've both moved on. He has met a very lovely, successful lady and they're marrying later this year. She's and all her family and friends are great with my son. Anyway, I've discovered he's still online which is pretty much what he did to me over the years. All of which he denied ...obviously! Seems he's at it again. It astounds me as he posts all over facebook how happy he is etc. He's been truly welcomed by all her family and friends. In all honesty I wish I didn't know. I guess my options are:

1. do nothing and wait and see what happens
2. tell him I know
3. tell her!!

I know my son would be very upset if they split up and Id feel I'd be putting him through it again!

Would be very interested to get other peoples reaction. Maybe I should take the view it's non of my business, keep out and say nothing - just makes me feel uncomfortable.

Thanks in advance! x

How gave you discovered this? If it's first hand I'd be inclined to screenshot the proof and let her know, but only if you have absolute proof.

I'd far rather someone told me if it was my DO tbh.

I’d say nothing.
your son is 20 so he’s well into adulthood.

My friend is also online so she told me. It 's recent photo so I know it's not an old profile. She sent me screenshot so I have it if required.

Is there anyway she can be told anonymously? A screenshot and maybe something that proves the date to show its decent.

I just wouldn’t want it to be known that I am involved as the ex wife. But I still think she deserves to know before she marries him

yes it would be sad for your son - but that’s on your ex.

Mind your own beeswax

Iwould tell her. Why would you want someone to go through what you did? Leopards don’t change their spots

What do you mean by “online”? Dating sites?

I think you should step back, there will be all the excuses "I forgot to cancel it" bollocks. If you expose him it may go horribly wrong and end up with your child accusing you of being vengeful and ruining there supposedly happy relationship. It's on your exes new partner to discover this.

I would tell her. He is an idiot and thinks he is fooling her, as he did you.

Though, interestingly, i caught my brother's old school friend on Tinder in a huge coincidence, as I was on a business trip, and I hadn't seen him in 20 years ( in our 40s professional people, WWHT in London).

My brother sent him the screenshot, "Dave" panicked and my bro promised to not tell his wife but just started avoiding him.

I never met his wife (nor know her name) and left it to DB as it was his circle.

This is an especially rough 'do I tell her or not' predicament as you're his ex wife rather than just a concerned friend so risk appearing spiteful when it sounds like you're anything but.

An anonymous copy of the screenshot could give her the heads up without dragging you into it. Before doing anything I'd consider carefully how strong your evidence is. No point getting involved if she's likely to dismiss it anyway.

What screenshot have you got, is it the full profile showing what he's saying about himself or just the cover photo or whatever it's called? Does it show hes online or active? Will she recognise that it's a new photo or be likely to buy the inevitable 'oh sorry- i must just not have disabled my profile fully. No idea why it's showing now'?

You would be totally justified in staying out of this one by the way, if that's your gut feeling. The evidence is that he's been online, not actively done anything and she isn't a close friend or relative.

Thank you everyone. I really apprecite your thoughts. It is a dilema. Just mulling it over. My gut feeling at the moment is to keep out despite not being proud of this I just know I'll be the one that gets shot one way or another!

I would be tempted to tell her if you are sure it's recent profile etc and it's definitely the right person- not out of spite , but because you don't want a nice person to get caught up in his nonsense.