He's left totally blindsided is there more to this.

[Digger89]

My husband of 9 years has walked out of the family home leaving me with DD
He's said he loves me but I clearly don't love him as I'm never happy.l do love him but he seems to want to act like I don't for some reason. We have rowed recently about the fact he does nothing in the home to help. I've explained this to him but when I do he then changed his tact to he's not allowed a life and I stop him going out. For context he's a workaholic ,I've never stopped him doing anything let alone go out and feel he's looking for any reason to leave.
I'm at uni in my second year of degree, I work part time( something he encouraged me to do) and cannot financially manage alone , we own our house and although the mortgage is not massive it's still nearly all of my part time salary.
He's coming back in mornings to see little one and at nights but it's causing disruption and I feel if he wants to go he should and we then need to have proper arrangements. We have her birthday Saturday and he wants to play happy families at the party. I don't think I should have to as he's caused all of this.
I suppose I just need advice from people who have any experience of this as to where I go next. I have no family nearby and no one really to turn to.

@LaviniasBigBloomers no I'm not quitting my degree I will find a way round it

Start with the practicalities

Put a claim into the cms for maint
Speak to someone re financial help with your studies
Go onto entitledto.com website and see what you can claim
Tell him that he can see the dc on x days at x time (what's convenient to you) out of the house
Look at the bills, inc mortgage and car and sit him down to discuss what he will continue to pay until the house can be sold
Get 3 valuations on the house to give you an idea on equity
Get all paperwork together, bank statements, mortgage statements, debts, pensions etc
Speak to a solicitor to understand your position

He is not your friend any longer, he doesn't have your best interests at heart, you do not have to take his feelings into consideration either.

You have had good advice here OP and seem to be able to focus on your daughter. It is a shock but you do not have to make any big decisions right now. Get legal advice . You seem to have a few options . He is acting like he can call the shots here but it is simply not true . Mortgage is a joint responsibility, defaulting will do him no good . If he does not pay , talk to your mortgage providers, arrangements can be made. He will also have to pay CMS , he seems to have forgotten. He can not just walk away from his financial responsibilities. I think a lot of men don't think the repercussions to them. I know my EX got a shock and is continuing paying towards mortgage.

I think he may think he can pay the mortgage and not cm or vice versa, but cm is nothing to do with family bills. He can chose not to pay the mortgage, but as a pp said, it will impact him as hard as it would you. He's not calling the shots here, you have a lot of control - you just need to realise it

Massive squishes @Digger89 please do speak to uni and look into what can be done short and long term. Mine helped me switch from a part time degree to spreading the course units out over an extra year so I could work more. Or giving me extensions on certain modules etc. The tutors and uni were really accommodating. The uni support team were fantastic in helping me access more financial support as well.

I finished a year later than I intended (mine was a full time degree) but I don’t regret it.

How old is your daughter?

Hi @Digger89 I think either

• he wanted out anyway and is turning the blame on to you so he has an excuse and is the 'victim' (this may or may not be because he has another woman)
• he thinks by threatening to leave, you will beg him to come back and stop mentioning that he's lazy and does nothing at home. You will then be back in your box and he can continue being lazy and selfish. And you won't dare raise it again as he might leave.

Either way, you're better off without him.

Good for you for finding your anger and focussing on protecting your DC.

You may be in a better financial position than you think. Can you get some initial advice from a solicitor to see where you stand. Don't tell your ex what you're doing - remember he's no longer on your side.

I think better things await you.

Realise my last comment sounded like a fortune cookie message!