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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He's not coping with our breakup

3 replies

Ducksinarow1987 · 08/03/2023 06:24

What do I do? I've been separated but living to get her with DP for almost two years. I have not been in a financial position to buy somewhere else and he wouldn't leave. So we kind of plodded along, unhappy in the relationship but coparenting our son and working as a team on the house.

There have been some recent events that brought everything to the fore and it's made me realise that life is too short, it's time to move on. I've taken on more days at work to get myself into a better financial position and I want to sell and live separately.

DP is devastated. This has been such a long time coming, so not out of the blue at all but he's just not able to cope/ accept it. I'm struggling too, its a massive adjustment and the last few years have just been miserable. I can't support him through our breakup. He just keeps begging me to give it one last chance. I've had to be really blunt and say I don't love him anymore and that I will not change my mind about the situation. He says I can get the love back, he will do better, fixated on all the good times.

Neither of us have family nearby so he is relying on me to make this better for him but I can't and the emotional strain is suffocating. I go upstairs to bed for space in the evenings and he'll cry, roar and wail at what's happening, he messages me begging for another chance. I have no place to go to get a more physical space. He will refuse to go anywhere at the moment but doesn't really have any options at the moment anyway.

This is horrendous

OP posts:
smashin · 08/03/2023 06:27

You need to move out asap. He was probably happy with you living together because to people on the outside, it looks like you’re still a couple. But you moving out means the facade is over. Be careful as generally people are vulnerable when leaving a relationship, particularly when the man isn’t taking it well.

GracePooleslaugh · 08/03/2023 06:33

You aren't his therapist OP. Is it genuine upset or do you think it's emotional blackmail?

My advise is move out ASAP, he needs to accept it's over and being in the same house is not helping either of you. Could you stay with family so you can leave sooner?

This too shall pass.

Starflecked · 08/03/2023 06:37

Although not easy sounds like you're doing great, as horrible and tedious as it is until you can find somewhere to move to just do as you are and keep repeating the same stock phrases about it being over.

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