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Original poster

Appropriate response to this

49 replies

AnyaMarx · 08/03/2023 00:33

Last year I had a very exciting short lived "relationship " with a guy.

He is autistic and he ended things very weirdly, suddenly and without warning.

The sex was great . I really liked him . But he said he needed to go into counselling because he had just craved the security of a relationship and had got in too deep with me too fast then cut me dead .

Today he text me out of the blue . It was friendly but weird so I asked outright what he wanted .

He basically said he was single again and wanted a shag . No relationship. Just a fwb arrangement if I could keep my attachments and emotions out of it .

Not heard from him for a year .

I'm 51 and been single ever since , through choice . Expanded my friendships circles and hobbies . Full life . But single .

What would you're response have been please !?

OP posts:
Ooompaloopa · 08/03/2023 08:53

Watchkeys · 08/03/2023 08:23

Don't engage with people who are disrespectful to you.

Perfect response.

Simple and effective way to approach life.

NetballMumGrrr · 08/03/2023 09:12

You gave him more than you needed to in your response. You basically needed to block him and not even respond. But you have now, don’t give him anymore.

be good to you OP.

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 08/03/2023 09:17

He messaged this morning saying he agrees with me and it would be too messy .

I'm sat here wondering wtf . He's got some brass neck that's for sure .

OP posts:
Original poster
AnyaMarx · 08/03/2023 09:24

He is now blocked .

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 08/03/2023 10:45

AnyaMarx · 08/03/2023 09:17

He messaged this morning saying he agrees with me and it would be too messy .

I'm sat here wondering wtf . He's got some brass neck that's for sure .

It's all about his ego. He approaches because he hopes you'll say yes (which will massage his ego) and when you say no, he says 'Oh, yes, that's what I would have said, too', which protects his ego, by not admitting he made a mistake.

What a child.

FinallyHere · 08/03/2023 13:48

would you like to meet up for fun sex like we used to have but can you keep your emotions and attachments out of it

I'd say it was fair enough for him to be clear upfront and ask this. Also fair enough for you to just block, or say no, thank you. And then block.

Either way, don't give him a seconds headspace.

I'm the fact that you are even slightly conflicted is a sign that you are not quite happy in your relationship. It's nothing to do with him. He is not suitable for you.

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 08/03/2023 21:28

I'm not in any relationship , I've stayed single since him . He managed to put me off for life

OP posts:
TicketBoo23 · 08/03/2023 21:34

He's a fucked up, clueless mess.

I wouldn't let him put you off. He doesn't represent all men.

TicketBoo23 · 08/03/2023 21:35

Watchkeys · 08/03/2023 10:45

It's all about his ego. He approaches because he hopes you'll say yes (which will massage his ego) and when you say no, he says 'Oh, yes, that's what I would have said, too', which protects his ego, by not admitting he made a mistake.

What a child.

Show quote history

Exactly.

Watchkeys · 08/03/2023 21:56

AnyaMarx · 08/03/2023 21:28

I'm not in any relationship , I've stayed single since him . He managed to put me off for life

That's on you, not him. Don't give him the power of changing anything in your life. It's yours. It's all you've got.

billy1966 · 08/03/2023 22:17

What an utter twat.

Hard swerve.

Well done.

Wonnle · 08/03/2023 22:49

Delete then block , simples .

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 08/03/2023 23:51

Yep have deleted and blocked .

I thought initially he was very self aware but it because clear very quickly he is an entitled , selfish prick who thinks of his own needs before all others .

I did wonder why his ex wife wouldn't even have him in the house or speak to him on video.

And then it all became apparent!

I've never ruled out a relationship but I aren't actively dating any more . You f it happens it happens. And then f not I'm absolutely fine as I am .

OP posts:
Original poster
AnyaMarx · 08/03/2023 23:52

I've told him I want absolutely nothing to do with him and told him never to contact me again.

Think that's pretty clear .

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 09/03/2023 00:01

I wouldn’t have even dignified the self absorbed leg humper with a response.

Bye bye thirsty bellend 👋

CheekyHobson · 09/03/2023 00:49

“Not interested, sorry.” The perfect polite, definitive and minimal-effort response for all such CF enquiries.

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 09/03/2023 00:59

Said it - not interested, dont contact me again .

And blocked.

OP posts:
Lunde · 09/03/2023 01:05

2 word answer and the second word is "off"!

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 09/03/2023 01:14

Lunde · 09/03/2023 01:05

2 word answer and the second word is "off"!

My best friend said this but I didn't actually want to be unkind.

I just explained I didn't want to be the sub and said I felt he was back at square one , rhat he lacked self awareness and didn't understand the impact of his behaviours

It's up to him now ! Not my circus ....

OP posts:
Ooompaloopa · 09/03/2023 09:40

AnyaMarx · 09/03/2023 00:59

Said it - not interested, dont contact me again .

And blocked.

Well done for those actions.

It looks like you had been turned inside out by him but over the past year have worked hard to move through it and up he pops being even more disruptive.

Its not surprising that you were derailed for a bit by this contact - but see it as an unexpected blip - you ve dealt with it so put it behind you and get back to where you were.

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 09/03/2023 23:21

I was derailed . Didn't sleep . Was caught somewhere between being outraged and tempted.

Before I thought what a prick . How sad . He hasn't learnt anything. Not grown in any way since his marriage ended . Not become anymore self aware . Not become a better or nicer person .
And I thanked my luckies I don't have to have anything to do with him .

I noticed he had blocked me when. Declined his magnanimous offer .

So I sent a text saying do not ever contact me again. Whether he got it or not I care bugger all.

OP posts:
ShakespearesBlister · 10/03/2023 11:54

AnyaMarx · 08/03/2023 09:24

He is now blocked .

Is that 3 or 4 times now?

LimitIsUp · 10/03/2023 12:13

Precisely ShakespearsBlister

For goodness sake OP stop blocking, unblocking, blocking again. Its as clear as day that you are going to get drawn in again unless you stand firm

CarpeVitam · 10/03/2023 12:30

AnyaMarx · 08/03/2023 00:51

He hurt me the first time . Said a load of shite and lied and hooked me in . He was using swinging sites for sex before he saw me .

Ive just said I aren't getting back into his fucked up patterns of behaviour. (His patterns are fucked up - throws himself into relationships full pelt , wants more kids , no breathing space then suddenly backs off and ends it - he knows this and went into counselling when he ended our relationship) I Said I'm single through choice and not willing to be the stand in until something better comes Along.
My life is truly full now and I don't need to feel used for sex - no matter how good it was that would be the underlying feeling because that's all he wants )

I've been reasonably polite and explained this . He's right back at square one from what he said when he ended it with me . I'm feeling if he just wants sex he can go back on the swinging sites and leave my emotions alone . He knew I liked him . He's quite willing to use me as a shag piece until he finds what he's looking g for which Is for the record - unattainable.

I e resisted the urge to fuck off - explained that it wouldn't work for me and explained I aren't getting dragged into this pattern of behaviour (this is
Typically him - just falls from one unsuitable relationship to
Another and cannot live without sex !).

No. I don't want that . Im fine single . Im not the sub. Yes he's been honest about it but it's not
For me . I've never ruled out another relationship or friendship but it needs to
be meaningful. I'd feel cheap and I'd probably end up wanting more . And he's a selfish dick .

You have answered your own question really OP.

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