Don’t mind being single but…

SpinningFloppa · 2023-03-07T21:25:23+00:00

How do you deal with the loneliness and boredom especially in the evenings? Every day feels the same and I don’t feel I have much to look forward to. I’ve been single 6 years and miss having someone to talk to that cares about me. I don’t have many friends and trying to make any is pointless, my family are useless (Not able to join groups I am a lone parent so that’s not possible)

ATisketATasket · 07/03/2023 21:33

I feel for you and know what you mean about the loneliness.
How old is/are your DC?
Do you work? Get any time to yourself in the week?

JustJamie5 · 08/03/2023 07:57

I don’t understand why trying to make friends is pointless. The only way we get meaningful connections in our lives is by starting them - the more you participate in your life, the more you bring into it, the more you get out of it. I think it would be amazing to have fate just bring us connections/love but unfortunately life isn’t a fairytale - if you want a deep meaningful connection it takes work (but it doesn’t need to be ‘hard work’).

Watchkeys · 08/03/2023 08:26

Why is trying to make friends pointless? You're saying you want to make a cake, but buying flour and butter is pointless. You're shooting yourself in the foot before you start.

Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 08/03/2023 09:51

Should have clarified my kids are autistic and don't like other kids never have done so trying to make "mum friends" is pointless as my kids don't like other kids so there would be no aim there, they are also a bit older now and apps aimed at mums is for those with baby/ toddlers I can't make friends with single childless people as I'm with them all the time and single childless people don't want to hang out with kids (no surprise), I've got a couple of friends but barely see them as they don't have kids and are busy with their own lives and don't want to do kids things. I don't get any time away so can't join adult focused groups.

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RotundBeagle · 08/03/2023 09:53

There are loads of guys out there feeling the same. I guarantee this. One of my best mates is one. Lovely guy aged 40 who just never found the one and married. Good job, decent looking with a nice personality/morals but he's just kind of settled into a routine and stopped looking.

Navigatingarelationship · 08/03/2023 10:19

Evenings are the worst for me too. Can you go on meeting.com and join an online activity some evenings? That helps me.

Navigatingarelationship · 08/03/2023 10:20

Sorry meetup.com

I'm recently single and my only ds is severely autistic, now lives elsewhere. I know how hard it is.

roseslovewater · 08/03/2023 10:28

find a new focus that you can do in the evenings e.g. exercise routine, starting a blog, creative business that you can run. What did you want to do before you became a single parent? Something inspiring.

Also podcasts are really good (they bring the human element into your life a bit!). A good sitcom or film.

Super helpful to have a side focus for your life - something that you can learn or study or a business you can build on and focus small chunks of time on. Learn a language online e.g. german / french, start an online course or something. A social media account you can grow and get followers. If that thing you do aims to improve your life in general overall that could be good e.g. it could eventually bring in more money to allow you more free time or something. Or if you're exercising it might help you have more energy.

Finally online forums are always useful to keep in touch with people e.g. MN, Reddit etc.

Watchkeys · 08/03/2023 10:43

What would you like to be doing to fill your time if you had a couple of days all to yourself each week? If we know a bit more about what you enjoy, we might have a better chance of helping you.

Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 08/03/2023 10:45

roseslovewater · 08/03/2023 10:28

find a new focus that you can do in the evenings e.g. exercise routine, starting a blog, creative business that you can run. What did you want to do before you became a single parent? Something inspiring.

Also podcasts are really good (they bring the human element into your life a bit!). A good sitcom or film.

Super helpful to have a side focus for your life - something that you can learn or study or a business you can build on and focus small chunks of time on. Learn a language online e.g. german / french, start an online course or something. A social media account you can grow and get followers. If that thing you do aims to improve your life in general overall that could be good e.g. it could eventually bring in more money to allow you more free time or something. Or if you're exercising it might help you have more energy.

Finally online forums are always useful to keep in touch with people e.g. MN, Reddit etc.

Thank you that’s really helpful!

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Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 08/03/2023 10:45

Watchkeys · 08/03/2023 10:43

What would you like to be doing to fill your time if you had a couple of days all to yourself each week? If we know a bit more about what you enjoy, we might have a better chance of helping you.

I would have been dating or met a new partner by now I think if that was the case.

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Watchkeys · 08/03/2023 10:52

And aside from meeting a new partner, what interests you in life?

frozendaisy · 08/03/2023 11:02

How about looking online for zoom groups? Even group therapy or a virtual book club or two.

The internet can be a great tool for uniting people in your situation but you need to be proactive on it and use it differently to just scrolling.

Have you looked at single parent camping holidays in the summer? Groups meet up.

There must be other single parents of young/autistic children home alone.

It might start as virtual friendships but they build up from there and as you say you can't really go out much anyway.

frozendaisy · 08/03/2023 11:02

Start with other adults not a relationship. See what happens.

Coffeellama · 08/03/2023 11:05

Have you tried the gingerbread charity? My local one does meet ups twice a month and regular zoom chats, they aren’t aimed at the kids because everyone’s kids are different ages, it’s for the adults to interact but obviously most take their kids with them.

Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 08/03/2023 11:11

Navigatingarelationship · 08/03/2023 10:20

Sorry meetup.com

I'm recently single and my only ds is severely autistic, now lives elsewhere. I know how hard it is.

I didn’t know they did online things thank you.

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Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 08/03/2023 11:12

I really don’t want to do meet ups with kids sorry to sound dismissive but my daughter hates other kids and can be aggressive so those types of groups I don’t take her to.

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Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 08/03/2023 11:13

Watchkeys · 08/03/2023 10:52

And aside from meeting a new partner, what interests you in life?

Reading and watching documentaries but they do get boring after a while

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Coffeellama · 08/03/2023 11:14

SpinningFloppa · 08/03/2023 11:12

I really don’t want to do meet ups with kids sorry to sound dismissive but my daughter hates other kids and can be aggressive so those types of groups I don’t take her to.

Weekly zoom meetings for the adults doesn’t involve kids though.

Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 08/03/2023 11:17

Coffeellama · 08/03/2023 11:14

Weekly zoom meetings for the adults doesn’t involve kids though.

Show quote history

thank you I will look into it

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Watchkeys · 08/03/2023 11:29

OK, what do you like reading and watching documentaries about? And if you had the whole world at your disposal, and time to do anything you pleased, would you really stay in and watch a documentary? When there's all the seas and mountains and people and technology and sports and animals and activities that you could partake in, you'd watch telly?

What would you do if you could do anything you wanted?