So lonely

[Spinning12335]

I'm so lonely and scared. I crave being back in the relationship even though I ended it. I feel utterly broken and it's getting worse not better. The loneliness is awful. I want to hide away. I started counselling and feel like my emotions are overwhelming me now- I wish I'd never started.

Sending you lots of hugs and support. Break-ups are rarely easy, even if you were the one to end it and it was for the best.

Just give yourself time. I know it sounds cliche but it really is true. I remember when I ended a long-term relationship. I knew it was the right thing to do but I was devastated. I felt so lost and alone, which is what I imagine you are currently feeling. But it DOES get better. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

The best thing to do is put the focus back on yourself. Do you have any hobbies? Do you work out? Self-care can really help. That can mean exercise, eating healthy, going for a massage, getting your nails done etc etc.

I've never had counselling before but I imagine that getting your emotions out is part of it. And as overwhelming as it may feel, it will allow you to process your emotions so that you can understand them better and manage them better.

I don't know you but I know this WILL get better for you. In a few month's time, you will look back to see how far you have come.

You will make it through. It is the same as grieving - that is what is happening. Anyone in your situation feels like this so please don't worry. It definitely will get better.

I was on auto-pilot, doing a bit of self care some days. Since counselling I can't seem to get back to that state. I might stop the sessions and go back to them later. I am holding onto the hope things will get better.

I did counselling too . Sometimes I felt that saying stuff aloud made it more real. I would leave sometimes feeling overwhelmed with emotion . Take a break if you want to and process what you have already learned .
I didn't think so at the time , couldn't imagine ever feeling OK again , but as so many MNrs tell us , it does get better , easier .

I think it's good to recognise that when you try to tidy up, sometimes things look worse before they get better. Have you ever tried to sort out a wardrobe? You get everything out so that you can start from scratch, then you go and make a cup of tea, and when you walk back into the room, you're absolutely horrified by the chaos and mess, and you wonder why you started this at all. Then you start to put things back, in a much more orderly fashion than they originally were, and gradually, it all looks and feels better, everything is more organised, easily accessible, doesn't knock everything else out of whack whenever you open the door...

I think you're at the stage where you're having your cup of tea and looking at the chaos. You're halfway through a big job; things aren't meant to look great. It's ok to feel crap about it. It's ok if it exhausts you. It's ok to take a break.

Thankyou for the reassurance. Getting worse before it gets better makes sense. It's seeing someone else's reaction which makes things seem real to me- it's a shock.

I think I've been 'just getting on' and surviving for so long the emotions are a bit alien and scary. Counselling also bringing up historical stuff too which is a bit overwhelming at the moment. I know I won't go back- just need to keep going and get through it. Maybe need to slow the counselling down for now though.

If you left the relationship, chances are you weren't respecting your feelings for a while, and quite possibly that's a pattern for you?

Now is your chance to respect your feelings. It's just you, your feelings, and how you deal with them. A good tip I heard was to do the thing you'll feel glad you did when tomorrow comes. Do the thing you'll be pleased with yourself for, when it's in the past. Just keep doing things like that, put the work in of getting through the days, and things will start to look up, because after a bit, you'll realise that you don't need to be lonely, because you've always got someone on your side, who'll do the right thing for you, who'll look after you: it's you.

I don't know how to deal with my feelings - they just scare me so I try to ignore them. So tired and overwhelmed. Getting on because I have to, getting up to look after the kids and work but just feel detached.

What are you scared of? What would happen if your feelings 'won' this battle between you and them?

That I won't come back from it. Crying/ panic/guilt/ feel trapped. It's a mess. And it's worse every time I see my ex(unavoidable). When it comes out in bits anyway I have a rough few days until I can get a lid on it again. Everything is overwhelming and I feel on the brink anyway - would have been so easy this week to give in and not work, ask someone else to take the kids to school. I didn't though- I made it through. So so tired.

This is all part of the process. You no doubt made the best devision you could based on the choices available. Trust yourself. Xx

What are you trapped by, OP?

I know these are hard questions. How are you trapped? What will happen if you let someone else take the kids to school, and give yourself a break?

By the situation - don't want to go into it here.

I could get someone to take the kids- I would most likely just stare at the wall or cry the whole time like I do when they are asleep though. If I have time without them I should be working/ sorting practical things/ forcing myself to exercise etc. The kids are a good distraction and the only thing keeping me going. I can feel happy in the moment spending time with them.

Someone said about doing something you'd be grateful for tomorrow. That feels like something I could try and a lot more achievable than self care which I struggle with.