What constitutes infidelity in a serious relationship

[myroaringfire]

So many posts at the moment, it seems hard to Deo her what is inappropriate and what isn't anymore ?

Can men and women not be friends without calls, messages and contact ?
I know that social media and working together seem to be catalysts for contact but is there anyone who believes that men and women can be extremely close without question marks over their friendship even if they are always excited to see one another and affectionate ?

What level of texting is acceptable?

It seems like a mine field nowadays and lines seem to be blurred for many and yet not for others.
What level of personal contact is ok for you for your oh ?

I am newly single and the opinions of my friends are a staunch no to texting/ calls or minimal contact

Everyone has their own preferences - some people are relaxed, some people quite uptight. Broadly I think it crosses a line if you’re keeping it secret from your partner, mostly.

I am married. I share memes and funny tweets on an almost daily basis with a younger male single colleague. I’m sure a lot of people would say I shouldn’t even think of texting a young single man when I’m sitting on the sofa with my DH. But I’m doing it in full view of him. I wouldn’t interrupt a conversation, meal etc to do it. There’s no intent beyond seeing something funny. If DH (or anyone) criticised me for it then I’d push back.

other people’s mileage will vary.

Depends on the content of what you're sharing, doesn't it?

3 basic tests:

• if you'd be happy to show your partner the conversations
• are not concealing the contact
• and genuinely wouldn't be fucked off with the same level of contact between your partner and another person

then it's fine.

This is pretty much bang on .

Your relationship has to suit you. It doesn't have to fit into anybody else's view of what's right or wrong, or what classes as infidelity/cheating.

People have open relationships where they're happy for their partner to have other full blown relationships at the same time. Others live in each other's pockets and don't like the feeling of their partner even thinking of another man/woman sexually. Neither is more right or wrong than the other.

Do what you want, not what you think you 'should' do. Aside from the law, there are no rules. It's not a minefield, it's a big bunch of people who all want different things. Just like it's not a minefield in a restaurant if everyone wants something different from the menu. It's how life's meant to be: we are each responsible for finding what we want, as individuals.

For me it just boils down to honesty (with oneself) about feelings involved. If you or the person you’re texting has any new or past but unresolved feelings toward the other then I’d shut it down, make it a more minimal contact. But if you really don’t have any then it’s probably ok.

I also think texting/messaging opens a portal of intimacy that nobody really understands properly. Something about having someone ‘with’ you always. So I think the medium creates and fosters feeling as well as just conveys it.

To me it's cheating if my DH would say or do something to/with another person that he would never ever ever say/do with me present because it would make me instantly divorce him.

I do not think that anything changed. There is appropriate and inappropriate to me and it is the same now as it was before. For me it is not about contact, it is about content. But, for sure, there is no "one size fits all" situation, so if you are uncomfortable with something your partner is doing, you should definitely talk about it.

My therapist calls it microcheating

texts
sexts
photos
onlyfans
instagram girls etc

I would consider cam girls and seating and only fans cheating fur sure .
I'm asking, I guess about a friendship where your oh us confiding about your relationship or even your private personal affairs ?
Like a deep mutual friendship that you may have with your best female friend if you were female.
Going for dinner, staying over at his/ her home/ nights out on their own?

*sexting

This!

I wouldn’t consider cam girls or only fans cheating, but I would consider my partner a complete mug for engaging with them and would lose respect for them.
Otherwise, as pps have said, it’s a matter of whether the relationship involves any concealment, and personally I would have zero tolerance for that.

A passionate kiss.

Ie a kiss he wouldn't do in front of me

Anything you wouldn’t present as minutes at a board meeting.

“Depends on the content of what you're sharing, doesn't it?

3 basic tests:

if you'd be happy to show your partner the conversations
are not concealing the contact
and genuinely wouldn't be fucked off with the same level of contact between your partner and another person

then it's fine.”

@category12 has nailed it.