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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling betrayed

40 replies

Hereigoagain45 · 07/03/2023 18:47

NC for obvious reasons.
Rewind to four or so years ago I found a message exchange between my husband and an old colleague, stating is it ok to call (alarm bells) and shall we meet up for a drink soon like this was a regular occurrence.
I challenged him and he denied anything happening, of course said I was being daft. Since then nothing to my knowledge until today.
His email pinged so I glanced then saw one and it was his best friend asking on email how did it go with X and him replying oh she's fine I'll call you next week.
So I was off all afternoon he knows something is wrong but I obviously can't say where I found my information so can't talk about it, he's asked and I just said you've been really kind to me recently like doing things you normally wouldn't which he then took offence to and made it all about me saying he can't do wrong for right...
I feel so betrayed it's probably nothing and he's not told me cos he knew I'd be worried but in that case why couldn't we meet her together?
Heads in a spin, be kind x

OP posts:
Hereigoagain45 · 08/03/2023 01:43

I don't think he's having an affair for a minute but he concealed it because of last time when he suggested they meet up after work and I wanted to know why he'd not mentioned this to me nor invited me.

This afternoon he said he'd never hurt me I asked what kinda thing do you think would do, he said an affair, I'm not having an affair, I said yes but it's a grey area there lots of things that would be hurtful isn't there, but he didn't reply.
i needed reassurance but got nothing.

OP posts:
Ghostbuster2639 · 08/03/2023 01:46

He will have deleted messages and call history which is why I want to catch him off guard to ask him to show me.

He isn’t going to show you.

It sounds like the previous contact with this woman was rugswept and not investigated by yourself properly. It’s a real concern that he threatens to leave.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 08/03/2023 01:55

Why would you both meet up? Genuine question, just because you both knew her doesn't mean you both have the same friendship level, does it?

Hereigoagain45 · 08/03/2023 01:55

They way he words leaving goes something like' I've always said I'd go without any fuss if you don't want this, you're been through enough and shafted before and I don't want you to be upset any further'
It's like it's an effort to resolve or reassure me fgs we are married it's not a casual thing. It comes over as very nonchalant like he's doing me a favour and doesn't care yet he keeps on telling me how happy he is and he's never been happier so why would you walk away?

OP posts:
Hereigoagain45 · 08/03/2023 01:56

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 08/03/2023 01:55

Why would you both meet up? Genuine question, just because you both knew her doesn't mean you both have the same friendship level, does it?

True,but if she's such a good friend why wouldn't he want to introduce me?

OP posts:
Hereigoagain45 · 08/03/2023 01:58

Ghostbuster2639 · 08/03/2023 01:46

He will have deleted messages and call history which is why I want to catch him off guard to ask him to show me.

He isn’t going to show you.

It sounds like the previous contact with this woman was rugswept and not investigated by yourself properly. It’s a real concern that he threatens to leave.

How do you investigate without sounding like you're giving someone the third degree and annoying? I'm really not good at that.

OP posts:
Ghostbuster2639 · 08/03/2023 02:22

You ask appropriate questions op. Because you have a right to know what’s going on in your marriage. You also have the right to decide that you don’t want to be married to some who witholds information about their secret female friend. If someone refuses to answer those questions, or responds to your distress by talking about leaving, you have your answer.

I would say I saw the email and I’d want to know what’s going on.

Hereigoagain45 · 08/03/2023 02:47

Thank you I appreciate your reply.
I was distressed this afternoon, I'm wracked with anxiety right now,can't sleep and I have to log in at 730. He has an office day tomorrow so won't be around.
I've given it much thought and I can actually pin it down to Thursday now he was home for early afternoon though.
I'm reluctant to reveal I snooped so I really can't say that, not yet anyway.

OP posts:
Lotsofthingstoconsider · 08/03/2023 09:56

Take a breath Hereigoagain45 . I mean this kindly because anxiety is horrible especially when it concerns your relationship with your other half.. and can lead to a horrible spiral of suspicion on your part and what you see as secretive behaviour on his part.

Let us look at this situation from a different angle.

You both had a work colleague. You didn't like the tone of the messages especially the xx on the end of them.

This tells me that you may be reading more into this than is actually real.

xx is such a common sign of in the world of messaging these days that it means nothing more than friendship. I am sure , like me you xx in messages to friends and Close colleagues. If I message a work colleague about a work matter then there are no xx.. however I could just as easily send a text or email about an out of work meet up as friends where xx is appropriate. This goes (for me) for both male and female colleagues/friends.

However, you have suffered a previous betrayal and are naturally hyper-vigilant to signs of such an awful scenario playing out again and react based on your experience. The colleague in question is not you and won't be aware of your extreme sensitivity in matters that involve interaction between your DH and this colleague. Neither does your DH . You say yourself that you do not believe he has cheated. Therefore he has no reason to believe speaking to this colleague with her xx is anything to be bothered about. Until you 'kicked off' about it.

So now - he has a choice . Does he dump his friendship because you don't like her speaking to him ? Or does he keep the friendship away from you believing it is the right balance between not distressing you and upsetting you further ?

Unfortunately this is a common mistake because secrecy no matter how kindly meant - often reveals itself such as now - and leads you down that rabbit hole of 'what does he have to hide' ?

However, the other alternative is to stop his friendship e cause it upsets you. Despite there being no reason for this suspicion as you say yourself - you don't believe their is an affair. This is actually quite controlling. Where does it end ? That he may only have friends that you 'approve' .

What he should have done is to of bitten the bullet and told you that he was going to continue his friendship. To have been open about it and told you that you need to trust him.

I can see why he would choose not to see her with you - with your feelings about her now conveyed to your DH - how could he possibly enjoy a casual meet up with you sitting there and him knowing your feelings about her. ? It would be very uncomfortable.

I think your solution is to be open and honest and own your fears - whilst also excepting that they are based on past trauma .

'DH we need to talk about x. I know you still meet up. It obviously makes me uncomfortable - which has more to do with my past experience than present reality - but actually the secrecy is far worse and causes me great anxiety. So can we have a new plan here. ? I would much rather know about your relationship, meet ups, exchange of news than not. Jealousy is my issue to deal with but secrecy just exacerbates it . ?

Then walk that walk and seek some professional counselling to deal with the betrayal from your previous relationship- so that it ceases to infect your marriage. Take care . It's hard.

Hereigoagain45 · 08/03/2023 10:34

@Lotsofthingstoconsider my goodness you have hit the nail right on the head.
I want to thank you so much for this post, it's given me so much to think about and each and every word is absolutely spot on.
I am feeling so bad today, sick, stomach upset, crying, headache all through me being super obsessed and maybe getting 2 hours sleep, with what I saw, when in reality it was just him not wanting to cause me any distress, I hope.
You see, in my previous marriage of 25 years my husband was gay and this was the ultimate betrayal and I have had counselling but it hasn't helped so when i remarried I stressed and made a huge deal about our honesty to each other, that way we can't go wrong, so this feels like he isn't respecting my wishes and being open and honest with me which is disrespectful I feel.
However what you have said is fantastic advice and I was struggling to know how to start the conversation without angering him or me losing it. I do appreciate the time you have taken but more so your very wise words.

OP posts:
Lotsofthingstoconsider · 08/03/2023 11:06

That is so kind of you.

Perhaps because I have been on the other side of this dynamic it makes it easier to understand. My DH was like you (he had also come from an adulterous marriage . I think people do not appreciate how corrosive that is to someone's self esteem - and how long the effects last .

It is also the sad fact of MN that people post when their relationships are in trouble . (Who posts when everything is going well ?) Giving the impression that all men are serial philanderers .. hence the overwhelming assumption that all roads lead to an affair. Whilst many do - there are many that do not and sometimes we need to read our behaviours with each other to figure out what's going on rather than a knee jerk reaction.

Good luck with the conversation. I hope it has the outcome you would want x

Fraaahnces · 09/03/2023 01:31

You are right. This isn’t on you. You are the victim of someone else’s lie. He has spent so much time and energy using you to remain hidden. No wonder you are shell-shocked. Unfortunately we live in an era where men who are caught like this are celebrated and called “brave” when they finally live their truth, and the wake of victims they leave in their wake are left reeling and gaslighted into feeling guilty for having a problem with someone’s sexuality is mind-blowing. He wasn’t brave. He was cruel. You are a whole person, not a wife costume.

Ivyonthewalls · 09/03/2023 01:45

I would totally admit to snooping, if there is nothing to hide then he can prove it to you. Looking at an email is no where near as bad as cheating. Especially if the partner gives you reason to suspect something

Namechange666 · 29/04/2023 13:01

Did you ever find out @Hereigoagain45 ? Hope you're doing okay.

LadyJ2023 · 29/04/2023 13:33

Erm pretty much everybody these days puts xxx on messages lol. Second if innocent why you feel you have to be there thats controlling. Adults can meet up for chats,coffees etc without the other half being there. If this is how you go about things I'm not surprised he wouldn't tell you anything if your gona kick off. Nothing there sparks alarms just a shame he feels he can't tell you things.

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