feeling really low!

[em1981]

Hi, ive been on here before, a few months ago. I found out my husband had a one night stand with a work collegue, in our bed, when i was six months pregnant and used no protection. Although this happened over a year and a half ago, i only found out in September. Been tested at std clinic and given all clear. Decided to give my marriage another go as i still lov him and believed he was truely sorry. 5 months on, 3 months pregnant and i just cant seem to get over it. My husband is trying his best to be the perfect husband but i cant help but feel he has already ruined that. I thik im feeling so low because, whilst out shopping over the weekend, i bumped into her. She is so cocky and full of herself. Im worried that this sadness and feeling of low isnt going to go away. I still feel so betrayed and bumping into her while out doesnt help. Been reading a few messages on here from women who are atill struggling to move on 2/3 years after finding out their husband has cheated.

Have to pop out but wanted to not let you go ignored. Hope someone comes on with some words of wisdom soon, sorry you're having such a hard time.

Sorry that you are having a hard time. It is hard enough finding out that your DH has been unfaithful never mind when you are pregnant. And being pregnant again will raise any insecurites that you have. Have you talked about this? Tried relate?.And remember your husband is trying & still loves you.

Big hug.

Have talked about it but difficult, my husband breaks down whenever i try to mention her and usually ends up being sick in the bathroom.

well that's one way to make sure he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his behaviour!
you sound like you may need some outside help to resolve this and get back on track. it's never easy dealing with 2 small dc's and you need to be secure in your relationship toi weather those early years imo.
do you think that being pregnant again has brought this back to the fore for you given the timing of his infidelity last time?
good luck.

I know how you feel and have the same feelings of fear that these feelings will still be there in 2, 3 or 4 years time. I found out 3 months ago that my dh of 14 yrs was having an affair that had gone on for 6 months at least. To say I was devastated was an understatement. I also read the threads on here in the hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I think at the end of the day you need to realise that things will never be the same again. You can still have a good marriage and love each other but the affair will always be there. I have incredibly sad and low days and then can have an amazingly positive day. I think it is just part of the healing process. Maybe the sad/low days become less frequent as the time goes by. It does sound like your dh is full of remorse, as mine is. Maybe that is something positive.

I agree with controlfreaky. And your DH needs to deal with the consequences of his behaviour.

Seek outside help before it becomes an even bigger issue & commuication breaks down all together.

So sorry for you. I'm no help really, just wanted to say I hpoe you feel happier soon [[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

em - I am going out for a few hours now but will look in again later - [Big Hug]

I def feel that being pregnant has brought back the bad memories. When he told me in September i was in shock for the first few weeks. His family knew but none of my family were told. I knew if i did tell them, they would never forgive him and would want me to leave him.(it was added pressure i didnt need) I confided in one friend but i know she has her own life and family issues so i dont like to take up her time. Now im pregnant again, i feel my hormones aare all over the place!!!!!!

I feel my husband has never really had to face up to anything. At first I wanted to shout from the rooftops what he had done. They are both teachers in a catholic school, this type of behaviour would be very damaging to their career. Although i wanted to hurt and humiliate her, doing so would also hurt my husband. As i have decided to stay with him, i would only be hurting myself as well.

Back again - dh and I are currently going to see a relationship counsellor which I think is helping. You can go through relate or to a private counsellor. Just make sure they are qualified.