Communication book to be used for fathers contact with our daughter

[Courtnightmares]

Can someone advise if I am being unreasonable, dramatic or obstructive? I wasn't sure where to put this as it's not yet a legal issue.
Currently going through court proceedings, ex has only had supervised contact in contact centre for 3 years, it is likely it will stay supervised indefinitely, not sure of this exactly as we are currently waiting for a hearing date.
Cafcass guardian is just awful, the Court made findings against both ex and I that we were both abusive to each other but his findings worse than mine. Every time I speak to her, she tries to manipulate me into accepting he needs to be a part of MY life despite me telling her I can't and won't ever speak to him ever again.
I have not spoken to or seen him for 3 years nearly, we use a screen at Court. There has been no direct contact.
I have had a communication book forced on me several times by exes Solicitor, the contact centre and now the Guardian is telling me I should use one.
I just can't bring myself to communicate with him, however insignificant it might appear. My daughters father was horrifically abusive to me, emotionally, mentally and physically. Towards the end, I was so horrifically gaslit I thought I was going crazy, he makes me feel absolute terror when I think of him or hear his voice.
I've explained the the Guardian that in doing this, this is asking for me to take a significant step in my emotional wellbeing and I don't feel like I can do this, I just can't. There is a brick wall between him and me, even talking about him makes me break into uncontrollable tears and I struggle to speak, it's as if my oxygen supply is being restricted/taken away.
I guess what I wanted to ask, is can I be forced to use one? I think the only thing I can be forced to do with the Court is to make my DD available for contact which I have done to date and not missed any sessions/frustrated contact. Can I be forced to do this also?

Bump

It sounds awful, a difficult situation.
I think one of the problems is you have to move forward somehow and it has to be the best way for your child, our feelings as adults come lower down the scale. I think a communication book is probably the least awful way of communicating, you make it totally impersonal. You could type, print, cut out and stick your observations into the book to make it as formal as possible. Keep it factual. What sort of things is the Guardian suggesting you communicate ?

Have a look at the parenting apps. This is all online so you wouldn't see things like his handwriting. Nothing physical would pass between you. You can even ask someone else to part of that system so you can have little to do with it. It is also completely admissible in court so if your ex decides to put inappropriate things into it it will be clear for all to see.

Given your child is 4+ I assume they are able to communicate the basics so there shouldn't need to be much communicated surely? What do you get now? Is there a report from the supervisor or is it informal supervision (family etc)? What is he wanting put in this book?

Ultimately I guess the child's father has a right to certain information and if you do not want to communicate it to him how is he going to get that info?

Let’s say he has to take your shared child to minor injuries during his parenting time because of a standard playground injury. Father is now in possession of the care instructions about that injury and the follow up appointment that has been scheduled. How do you propose he share that information with you?

Can say with some certainty his contact is going to remain supervised indefinitely...

We get a contact report after each session. There isn't really very much that I need to communicate with him at present.

what about the other direction, how do you propose he receive updates on her life? If you won’t take on that responsibility, then it falls to your child. You know you can’t let that happen.

one of the values of using a book or an app alternative is that by providing an official means of communication, he isn’t supposed to contact you outside of that method. If he does, you can log it and report to the court that he is not following guidance. With the communication book, you have an automatic record of everything he is saying. If he uses it as a means to abuse or control, he is going to have to do that in a record that the court can easily review. Even if his abuse is insidious and not obvious to an outsider at first, since it is all in one place and in one format, it is going to be much easier to get the court to understand what he is doing.

What information is being asked for in this book?

How old is your child- as my view for a 4 year old is going to be very different from say a 10yr old.

How did you communicate about choice of school for example? Does he get copies of school reports?

I can absolutely see where you are coming from in having absolutely no contact with this person... I'm just struggling to see how he gets the information about his child as he is legally entitled to - if you won't communicate it. I think if you can show that he gets all this information by other means- for example direct from school then I think you can say no. But if child is young enough to nit be able to share info and nothing is provided to him... difficult.

If he does get unsupervised there must be some mechanism in place for highlighting concerns, thing that the other parent must know. Eg Katie was unwell before and I gave her 5ml of calpol at 5pm. Maybe call women’s aid and ask for their advice on this. Would a friend be willing to help? To read the messages and write in the book before she see’s him so you avoid it altogether?

If he has supervised contact, what exactly is it they are suggesting you communicate?

This. Why a contact book if he only has supervised contact? Can you change the guardian, she sounds like an idiot trying to force the book-to what end when he’s supervised seeing her?

There’s an app people use I think

I think you need to do what is in your child’s best interests. I imagine the guardian thinks that parents being able to communicate on some level is.

Op, just wanted to say that I'm really sorry he did that to you and I'm so glad you found the strength to get away.

If the app is permanent - ie nothing can be deleted by him afterwards - I think that sounds better. No handwriting or physical object?

He was not involved in school choices because when we fled I relocated to an address that remains confidential. The psychologist who undertook psychological evaluation of him and me has proposed that school choices and our address remain confidential so he will not know this. The Guardian discussed the app with me but I think i just can't bring myself to have any contact with him whatsoever. He made me feel like I was insane and he's not playing the victim every time we are in a court room. I'm not actually sure what the Guardian wants me to put in the communication book, he has never asked for a single update on her in 3 years nearly.