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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Things to respond with during Narcissistic rants (for my own entertainment)

22 replies

NotLactoseFree · 06/03/2023 15:12

Having been subjected to the insidiousness of a covert narcissist whose favourite thing to do is to send rage filled rants via WhatsApp to anyone and everyone, I fully appreciate that the best thing to do is just to ignore ignore ignore because you can't argue and they have about as much empathy as a rock so discussing/arguing/debating is pointless. But sometimes, it's really really hard to just stay silent.

(disclaimer, I call him a covert narcissist, but of course that's just an armchair diagnosis based on his shitty and awful controlling behaviour and the delusional rants we're all subjected to).

I've been reading quite a lot around this and watching various experts on youtube and I've got a list of things I'd love to go back with. I will try to ignore, but if not, I'll try some of these! Please tell me any stories of when you stopped a narcissist cold (obviously, I know you'll never have got them to change, I mean when they were genuinely perplexed and shocked by a response, shutting them up - even if only briefly!).

It's funny how only your opinion is valid.

Amazing how you have so many opinions but can't cope when the tables are turned. Poor you.

A rude aggressive rant to complain about my behaviour and supposed aggressive? How ironic.

Does threatening people make you feel better about yourself?

Do vague and sinister threats usually work for you?

No. I don't agree and you can't make me.

No, I won't do that.

Actually, no, I won't agree to any of that.

I'm also tempted to send strings of random emojis - sunsets, wine glasses etc - for the sheer entertainment value.

Imagining all this makes me feel better. I probably will stick with ignoring though. I'm sure it's the more mature and sensible approach.

OP posts:
Londontoderby · 06/03/2023 15:15

Just ignore. Silence hurts more.

Nimbostratus100 · 06/03/2023 15:17

just block

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 06/03/2023 15:27

Take it this is a family member? If he's truly a narcissist or sociopath, engaging in any way as if he's normal will only bring you more pain. Like trying to slap someone who's covered in shit - you end up with it all over you as well.

If he's just an arrogant bully, I've personally found it better to out-bully them. "I had a bigger shit than you this morning, mate" has turned several would be aggressors into fawning dogs in the past.

Not recommended though if you've not got the stomach for it. Better to just ignore or send the cunt emoji - which you can claim you thought meant ok if challenged 😂👌

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/03/2023 15:33

I would stick with ignoring and then blocking. Its the only way forward for dealing with such disordered of thinking types.

Shortbread49 · 06/03/2023 15:33

The word No usually sets them
off big style or No I don’t agree

Hoppinggreen · 06/03/2023 15:36

For a true Narc no response is bad, attention of any kind is their oxygen .
The best way to deal with them is to totally ignore

Watchkeys · 06/03/2023 15:38

Stop trying to win, and recognise that playing the game is losing the game.

NotLactoseFree · 06/03/2023 15:39

Yes, extended family member.
And yes, fully aware that ignoring is the best option. "disordered thinking" is exactly what we're dealing with here. But sometimes you just want to say, "FUCK YOU" while still not attempting to engage. Mature? No. Understandable? I think so.

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 06/03/2023 15:44

Block, block then block again. Amazingly my ex I blocked on every platform, I didn't know at the time I could block on email. When he emailed me, I blocked him there.

It's probably driving him wild, I pay no mind to it, my life is peaceful

NotLactoseFree · 06/03/2023 15:44

Shortbread49 · 06/03/2023 15:33

The word No usually sets them
off big style or No I don’t agree

Yes. Discovered this by accident as most of the rants I get refer back to the time I "refused to help" (I wasn't asked to help, I was asked to join in the destruction of someone I love - but that's the disordered thinking again so I get that he genuinely believes it). That "no" has festered in his head for years. I do take comfort from that, even if what he thinks I said no to and what I actually said no to are completely different. Grin

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 06/03/2023 15:45

Hoppinggreen · 06/03/2023 15:36

For a true Narc no response is bad, attention of any kind is their oxygen .
The best way to deal with them is to totally ignore

This.

in this case OP, if everyone in the family ignored him, it would be a win all round.

BitOutOfPractice · 06/03/2023 15:46

I think. “Ok”. Would be quite deflating. Or even just K.

but the best answer really is no answer

Watchkeys · 06/03/2023 15:56

I don't think you're going to get much advice on how to choose the most effective kind of immature, @NotLactoseFree

I think, as you can see, most people are going to try to give you good advice, rather than trying to advise you on how to best make a fool of yourself to your own detriment.

Silence is your best option.

picklemewalnuts · 06/03/2023 16:13

It's frustrating to be unable to communicate with them, but inevitable.

Don't waste your breath trying.

There's a saying about never wrestling with a pig- you both get muddy but only the pig enjoys it.

Hoppinggreen · 06/03/2023 16:44

NotLactoseFree · 06/03/2023 15:39

Yes, extended family member.
And yes, fully aware that ignoring is the best option. "disordered thinking" is exactly what we're dealing with here. But sometimes you just want to say, "FUCK YOU" while still not attempting to engage. Mature? No. Understandable? I think so.

When you can acknowledge that they would actually prefer you to say Fuck you to ignoring them it makes it easier to do the best thing - which is ignore them

whattodo1975 · 06/03/2023 16:55

either ignore, or just come back with something like "sorry my phones being playing up, what did that message say i cant see it now"

or just reply completely off topic "Yeah i cant see Man Utd winning the league either", followed by 30 seconds later "sorry wrong group".

NotLactoseFree · 06/03/2023 17:32

Don't worry, I'm fully able to grey rock with the best of them and have studiously ignored most interactions in the last 18 months. I did have to say "no" recently in response to a direct question but I just said no and then continued to ignore everything else. I am fully aware that this is the best option.

And I've blocked on my social media etc so that I don't have to deal with the on-the-surface-positive (aka "look at how lovely I am") comments any more than I have to deal with the out-of-the-blue ranting. That was a huge relief.

So really, I am doing all the right things. I just like to fantasise sometimes.

OP posts:
NotLactoseFree · 06/03/2023 17:32

whattodo1975 · 06/03/2023 16:55

either ignore, or just come back with something like "sorry my phones being playing up, what did that message say i cant see it now"

or just reply completely off topic "Yeah i cant see Man Utd winning the league either", followed by 30 seconds later "sorry wrong group".

I do like this though! Won't be doing it, but will enjoy dreaming of it! :)

OP posts:
BobSacamono · 07/03/2023 05:27

Agree with PPs that ignoring is the best policy. Starving any attack of oxygen, zero response gives nothing away. And then, from my experience, watch them go on the control the narrative PR tour about how they’ve been a really nice person all this time 😂

Floofydawg · 07/03/2023 05:58

cleanbreak2022 · 06/03/2023 15:44

Block, block then block again. Amazingly my ex I blocked on every platform, I didn't know at the time I could block on email. When he emailed me, I blocked him there.

It's probably driving him wild, I pay no mind to it, my life is peaceful

Yep, blocking my ex was the thing that sent him the most crazy with rage. He was all 'how dare you'?

Emptycrackedcup · 07/03/2023 06:00

The best thing to do with a true narcissist is to ignore them. They want you to respond, it fuels them

Fedupofdiets · 07/03/2023 06:07

Saying nothing says more than ten thousand words ever will.

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