Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would others do?

28 replies

moondust11 · 06/03/2023 09:25

Morning ,
Long post but wanting some non bias opinions,
Met my boyfriend on tinder last year in April we chatted then met in may and haven't looked back since.
It was very intense from the start on both sides and the chemistry we shared was amazing.
We've always had silly arguments even from the start anyway after a long weekend together in September he was driving me home and I was on his fone doing music for the car when a notification popped up from tinder I clicked it there was all new photos on there , no matches or messages and visibility hidden he said he had made it out of temper after an argument we had I was hurt but let it slide because of how I felt about him ( stupid I know)
Fast forward abit and over Xmas I found out he had been liking girls he knows of in real life photos on insta , I confronted him and he said i was being OTT we fell out and then it was sorta just swept under the carpet he said he seen my point and wouldn't do it again.
A few weeks later he sent a screen shot of something on Facebook and the fb dating icon was at the bottom of his screen where the marketplace , videos icons are ( things you've recently visited) he said he hadn't been on there and even gave me his password to prove his innocence, once again it was dropped.
Brings us to last weekend we was cuddled up he was scrolling his fone and he was showing me something on insta so went on his photos he's liked.. a few of a girl he knows where he lives popped up. I was obviously hurt and angry as I had already said how it made me feel it's not cheating but in that moment of seeing the pics he cared more to let her know he liked it than my feelings.. I feel it's important to add we have been through a lot together and I had no choice but to have an abortion before Christmas which has massively effected my confidence in myself. I told him we were finished and we didn't speak for about a week then the ' I miss you ' texts started and we've fell into the cycle of texting. I love him but not like I used to but I can't imagine not having him in my life.., can I have someone else's perspective on this please. Thanks for reading xx

OP posts:
AtrociousArtichoke · 06/03/2023 09:28

he's a scumbag. He doesn't respect you. He is clearly constantly talking to other women. You deserve better. Don't let him treat you like this. He is not a nice man to behave like this.

OneMoreCookieMonster · 06/03/2023 09:29

How old are you both? You both sound very immature. If its not working for you and you have doubts end it. There's no relationship if there isn't trust. It will eat at you, like it already is and will continue to.

supercali77 · 06/03/2023 09:35

Do you value respect and loyalty in a relationship? Because he doesn't. You'll be forever wondering and anxious with this instacreeper. Is that the kind of life you want? Don't keep him in your life. Chemistry is no substitute for love and respect.

Original poster
moondust11 · 06/03/2023 09:39

I'm 30 he's 34 both out of long term relationships prior to this x

OP posts:
Yesthatismychildsigh · 06/03/2023 09:42

You both sound about 12. It’s no way to live your life.

Dodecaheidyin · 06/03/2023 09:47

I can't imagine not having him in my life

You can't imagine not having to worry about what he's liking on his phone? You can't imagine a day without your head filled with him and his shitty ways? You can't imagine a day when you can do what you want to do and not have to post on MN about how he's making you feel?

There is life after arseholes, OP, and it's not at all bad Flowers

Purplecatshopaholic · 06/03/2023 09:49

supercali77 · 06/03/2023 09:35

Do you value respect and loyalty in a relationship? Because he doesn't. You'll be forever wondering and anxious with this instacreeper. Is that the kind of life you want? Don't keep him in your life. Chemistry is no substitute for love and respect.

Totally this. You can’t trust him op, and you deserve better. Please dump him before your self esteem gets any lower.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 06/03/2023 09:58

Why have you copied and pasted this under different usernames but slightly different titles?

baileys6904 · 06/03/2023 09:59

To be honest, to me, liking other women's photos, I couldn't care less about. I don't check my partners phone either, I have no need to.

You two shouldn't be together. You're not secure enough for this relationship. Put some time into yourself first

Original poster
moondust11 · 06/03/2023 10:02

@Yesthatismychildsigh it's the same name different thread

OP posts:
Yesthatismychildsigh · 06/03/2023 10:03

Why spam the boards with it?

Original poster
moondust11 · 06/03/2023 10:05

@Yesthatismychildsigh
It's 2 threads hardly spamming? Why do you care? I didn't know how active the relationship category was xx

OP posts:
supercali77 · 06/03/2023 10:12

@baileys6904 It's got nothing to do with how secure op is as a person.

winterbegone · 06/03/2023 10:19

Just move on, you aren't getting on well enough to keep arguing and each time he'll blame you for his shady behaviour. Be strong and firm with what you won't tolerate and that's him.

LilLilLi · 06/03/2023 10:23

All these problems not even a year in?

He has repeatedly shown you that he doesn’t respect you and he can’t trust you. You will waste years of your life on this man and he will not change.

This is not love.

Spottycarousel · 06/03/2023 10:25

If you stay with him you're giving him the message that it's fine to be treated the way he is treating you. He'll continue liking and messaging other woman and there's a very good chance it'll become an affair later on. Do yourself the biggest and kindest favour and end it now before it gets worse. You'll get over him, it just takes time, probably less time than you might think once you've accepted you deserve better.

Mari9999 · 06/03/2023 10:59

What does liking a picture or posting on social media mean? How does it affect anything in RL?

What is the connection between respect and liking something on social media? Liking something on social media to me is just a quick and easy way to acknowledge that you saw something. I can't imagine bothering to check what someone is liking.

If you are not attempting to market or sell something I don't see any reason to care. Is there some hidden message or secret code in the like option?

It is sad that it make you unhappy, but in truth it seems that you have to go looking and tracking to see whether someone even viewed let alone liked a comment or photo. Seems like much ado about nothing. It's a bit like high school dating and breaking up with Johnny because he smiled at another girl.

If your relationship is so fragile that it can be broken by a "virtual " smile, it may not have been very strong in reality.

LilLilLi · 06/03/2023 11:05

Mari9999 · 06/03/2023 10:59

What does liking a picture or posting on social media mean? How does it affect anything in RL?

What is the connection between respect and liking something on social media? Liking something on social media to me is just a quick and easy way to acknowledge that you saw something. I can't imagine bothering to check what someone is liking.

If you are not attempting to market or sell something I don't see any reason to care. Is there some hidden message or secret code in the like option?

It is sad that it make you unhappy, but in truth it seems that you have to go looking and tracking to see whether someone even viewed let alone liked a comment or photo. Seems like much ado about nothing. It's a bit like high school dating and breaking up with Johnny because he smiled at another girl.

If your relationship is so fragile that it can be broken by a "virtual " smile, it may not have been very strong in reality.

It’s not a virtual smile though is it?

It’s the content that matters. He’s not liking his friends pictures, he’s liking selfies of other women that he knows in passing.

Its telling other females that he likes what he sees. It’s disrespectful.

baileys6904 · 06/03/2023 11:34

So you can't like another person from the opposite genders pictures without disrespecting your partner???

Are you for real?

I like women's photos, mens photos, cat photos....I'm clearly such a whore. And yet I've been in a happy, healthy relationship for well over a decade now, with someone that would laugh if asked if I was cheating on him.

Liking photos means nothing. Feeling the need to keep checking your partners activities does.

baileys6904 · 06/03/2023 11:35

And to clarify (wish there was an edit button) my previous comment is answering @supercali77 and @LilLilLi primarily

supercali77 · 06/03/2023 11:50

@baileys6904 if you read the OP, he's also been 'accidentally' on 2 dating apps at the same time. I dont get why you and another PP would focus on liking photos and suggest OP is being unreasonable to distrust him on that alone? Of course not on that alone, but it isn't just that is it? She's made a perfectly reasonable assumption that she can't trust him...of course, there's an argument to say that liking the photos is irrelevant...its the being on dating apps. And this relationship is not worth it

LilLilLi · 06/03/2023 11:51

baileys6904 · 06/03/2023 11:34

So you can't like another person from the opposite genders pictures without disrespecting your partner???

Are you for real?

I like women's photos, mens photos, cat photos....I'm clearly such a whore. And yet I've been in a happy, healthy relationship for well over a decade now, with someone that would laugh if asked if I was cheating on him.

Liking photos means nothing. Feeling the need to keep checking your partners activities does.

Oh come off it, nobody said that did they!

Her partner has been caught messaging other women, on dating sites and the issue of the likes has come up previously where he apologies and said he wouldn’t do it again so he’s hardly just innocently liking women’s photos is he?

Finding your partner in another woman’s likes constantly is disrespectful - he’s trying to get a response. I’m not sure how old you are, but it’s a common tactic. Like each others pictures or stories, then slide into their private messages.

Liking pictures of females he knows/works with innocently? Not a problem, but still being on dating apps, acknowledging the likes were inappropriate and continuing to do it anyway? The man is a snake.

baileys6904 · 06/03/2023 13:06

@LilLilLi @supercali77 and if you read my post, it says they shouldn't be together just not because of the photos.

However the OP is clearly not secure in herself which is shown a) because she accepted the behaviour initially and b) because she is checking his phone. Hence she needs to work on herself to give herself a boost.