So this is a long one...
Situation right now is that I think my wife is not interested in me or the marriage.
We have 3 kids (late teens down to 8) and married 18 years.
Around 6 years ago my wife went through a spell of been very social on social media (open accounts, flirty selfies etc) were I was never in the picture, mentioned or acknowledged. This led to loads of strange males commenting liking etc and even her replying.
My wife is the dominant one in the marriage and I struggled to bring this up. Eventually I checked FB and found on her phone (i know I shouldnt have) messages to a guy were he blatantly asks for a meetup. She didnt accept but she didnt reject either. I raised this, we spoke it out and then I even apoligised for not giving her the attention she wanted. We moved past it ....
This I regret to this day and was too soft. Fast forward to 2022, I felt that we were roommates and effectionness. I got nothing in form of compliments, attention, banter etc and tried allot to get this going. Very little romance and despite literally a compliment everyday to my wife and helping as much as I can with kids, household etc outside of work it would result in silent evenings and an even quieter bedroom.
Last month I brought it up and she said that she doesn't think she loves me in that way but isn't sure. We decide to keep it going and try for the kids, but she couldn't say if she feels this way.
Then this month I noticed her being a bit more active on social media, though again nothing linking me in. I would post something of the kids with us both tagged in but she would then make her own post on the same topic without me. In particular Snapchat was being used, something I didnt use.
I downloaded SC last week and she stopped posting on it. Then today when I asked her to help me work the messages, she hid her phone screen and shielded the messages on her device. I asked her to show me and seen a work colleague of hers at the top. Messages were cleared as its Snapchat and she said it must have been a comment on a past post. I pointed out that she hasn't posted all week and the message said '2 days ago' meaning they were in conversation 2 days ago.
I left for work straight and and she has now deleted the app (I didnt ask her to)
In the marriage I am not the dominant one, the wife is and due to mood swings, passive aggressiveness etc it makes it VERY hard to bring stuff up.
I feel a bit uneasy with what I regard as a 'single mother vibe' she puts out on socials and even chatting with male work colleagues on S.C.
Am I being paranoid, in the wrong or even a mug.....?