He ghosted me. But I miss him.

[Annabananna1]

I keep going over whether I should have done more.
Maybe I should have been more fun or more attentive, or less available or dressed up more. Maybe I could have seemed keener. Or less keen.

I almost want to send him a message just so he knows this isn't what I want.

It's been a couple of months. He sent one message in that time, but it took me a few days to see it & respond. And then nothing back, he hasn't even opened it.

I just feel rubbish. We'd been seeing each other for months and had a lot in common. I thought we were pretty tight. I hate that he doesn't want me. Or thinks I didn't want him. I wish he'd have spoken to me either way, rather than just turn off of and ghost.

He did not finish the relationship like a grown adult. He took the cowardly route. It doesn't suggest he had a lot of respect for you. He chose to ghost you, and leave you hanging around. That was his action. Now you must change your mind about him and stop seeing him as some prize you could have 'won' if you had behaved differently. Learn to love yourself and wait for someone to come along who appreciates you. Take him off that pedestal, as he doesn't deserve to be there. Stop examining what you did wrong, and look at his failings. Mature adults do not ignore people, and they let them go a bit more gracefully. He didn't want the relationship, and had every right to end it. However, you should look at your own self confidence now. You are focused on a man who isn't interested, and you should focus on yourself and your resilience. Dating is hard these days, and I suspect part of the process is to be kind to yourself, and place boundaries against unacceptable conduct from others. Personally, anyone who ghosted me would never get another word from me. Not because I feel their rejection painfully, but because I would regard them as not worthy of my attention moving forward if they cannot be bothered to communicate their intentions.

Please please don’t text him. You will feel stupid and wish you hadn’t when he doesn’t respond. Delete his number and block him if it’s possible to do both. You must trust me as I have been there done that and have several T-shirts. You will probably hear from him again in a few months, just when you are feeling better. Then it will just be a repeat of what happened this time. You must stay off this merry go round!!!
do something fun to distract yourself, but stay away from your phone!!

Sorry OP but looking at the cold hard truth is the best way to deal with this.

If he wanted to be with you, he would.
If he wanted to call you, he would.
If he wanted to speak to you, he would.

He isn’t interested and has moved on.

You don’t have to blame yourself for this, it happens to literally EVERYONE! We’ve all been dumped by someone we liked at some point.

its shit and rejection really hurts but it really is just one of those things. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, or that you should have been different or better or anything else. It just wasn’t the right fit.

Try to draw a line now, the more you keep picking at it the worse you will feel. Life is short, stop wasting your energy on someone who doesn’t value you

What @MargaritMargo said.

I’m of the opinion that we need to whatever gives us peace and help us move on. Some people say we don’t need them in order to find closure, but if closure is never coming, why not to try whatever avenues available?
As long as you are not humilliating yourself or causing him distress I don’t see why not seeking that closure, if he ghosted and you truly don’t know the reason why he lost interest.

What was the content of the last message exchange?

I understand what you are going through 100%, I’ve been there. He told me what the problem was (him) and I still didn’t believe and spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what was wrong with me. But there is something about going through all that and accepting what is exactly as it is and not wanting to change a thing but to be honest I do wonder sometimes what if ~ I had reached out to get more clarity, ask questions etc…I feel I deserved that since I invested my body, heart and soul. And if he had refused to provide answers for me, well that is just another answer in itself.

Don't do it.

I've been in your position and it only prolonged the agony. He replied with just enough crumb to keep me thinking about him. 6 months later I realised he was already with someone else when he replied.

You need to fall in love with yourself. Become obsessed with building the life you want for its own sake.

He is not right for you.

Just give it time
broken hearts 💔 eventually heal

my ex ghosted me (albeit after i went silent)

i totally miss him too but he was a total nightmare and stressed me to death

BUT ghosting is an answer , it means they cannot will not communicate and be honest

you will have to do what we all do which is delete and block
and move on xxx

You were yourself, and that wasn't right for him. He wasn't decent enough to respectfully end the relationship.

That's it. Don't complicate it with things you think you should have done or what you could have done differently. Life is about finding 'our people', and by that, I mean those who appreciate us just as we are. It's not about changing ourselves to fit other people's needs.

Let him go. He's not for you, and that's no reflection on you. Just as when someone doesn't like a food, it's not a reflection on the food. Some people don't like ice cream, and it's amazing.

If he was respectful of you, he would have ended the relationship in a way that was respectful to you. If he wanted to be in your life, he would be choosing to be in your life. Ride the 'I feel shit' wave, without contacting him.

Silence is dignity, and you will thank yourself in a month or two. Every minute spent not contacting him proves you to be a stronger person. Hold out.

Watchkeys

your on 🔥 today 🙂

You want to be wanted just as you are, it's your lack of self esteem thinking you should of done better. For whatever reason he's no longer interested, you sent the last message, so you have tried to contact but he's decided not to take this further, rejection happens the same as more opportunities to meet other men happen, keep positive but I'd stop waiting on him.

Great advice.

Been there, fuck me it hurts. Be kind to yourself. You've done nothing wrong. My one was all chatty arranging dinner then nothing. Not a peep and he always read my messages almost always straight away. I still miss him, I miss the chats,I miss spending time with him. But he obviously wasn't the man I thought he was.

Thank you all for the words of wisdom. He sent a message earlier in the week. I did reply but only to say 'you ignored me for weeks. What is it that you want?' and he replied 'not asking you for anything, just wanted to find out how you're doing'. I then said I was fine and closed it down I guess. Anyway, no response from him. So there we are.

Thanks I'll re read all your kind posts

"Maybe I should have been more fun or more attentive, or less available or dressed up more. Maybe I could have seemed keener. Or less keen."

Maybe you should have just been you, actually you. I'm afraid you've made your bed and now you'll have to lay in it, alone.

Be kind and allow him to move on and find somebody else. Be kind to yourself and do the same thing.

Annabananna1

my ex did that and he once went for 3 weeks

I was really into him by then and it totally devastated me as I didn’t know why

I stupidly got back with him , but the trust was shit to shit and things got worse and worse and I went really psycho jealous

so well done for shutting him down !!!

After almost three months (there was one message each way in that time, weeks ago) he has sent me something. Late last night. I didn't open Message app until this afternoon and I shut it down again- still haven't read it. I'm not sure what to do.
I was starting to feel just ever so slightly ok. Definitely more settled. Not thinking about him every second. I have some nice plans over the weekend. I know that's not much but it's better than I've been feeling for a while.

I sort of think no good can come from opening it. Surely it won't be a heartfelt apology and a well thought through plan of how he could make it up to me. It'll just be some lame message or a booty call. Probably?

Well read it ! And see

I read an article that said why Ghosters come back are :

selfish reasons (mainly ) ie sex bored want attention etc etc

genuinely missed you reasons but still selfish

genuine have changed reasons

Coming back to haunt, you know he's not sincere, he's had all this time to message, even so he wouldn't of wanted it to end in the first place if he was serious, I'd delete the message unread so you aren't tempted to reply, he's bored and looking for attention, perhaps he was hoping it would work out with someone else or a player.
Keep feeling positive, you don't need this type of man in your life.

I couldn't not read it
You should read it , then block