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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I dwelling on this divorce or healing?

2 replies

Movinonupp · 05/03/2023 21:52

I've been writing some sort of online diary since I began my divorce back in the summer. At first, it was to help me make sense of things and then, I shared it with a few "safe" people I know, they shared it with a few others and the audience has been growing since. My therapist wants me to consider publishing it as it explores my ex husband's potential narcissism etc with links to articles and my own research embedded within the posts.

I wrote an entry on Friday evening and I've felt absolutely awful since. Like I've relived it all over again. The post detailed many of the hurtful things specifically that he has done to me over the years, whilst being backed and supported by his very "Christian" family.

I wrote the post as I realised I had only vaguely touched on what my ex had done, in brief terms and I felt the blog needed some concrete examples. Since writing this post, I can't stop reading it and it's only making me feel worse!!

Trying to figure out why I'm continuing to write about him and specifically, all the shitty things he's said and done. Am I dwelling or healing? I don't feel very good. Should I stop writing the blog?

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 05/03/2023 22:09

You’re dwelling but… isn’t that normal considering you’re in the thick of divorce? Healing takes years. It’s a process. Dwelling, analysing, unpacking is part of your process. My divorce journey is different from yours because my process takes a different approach. That said, there will be parallels. Some days I am all Zen, others, I’m back in the rage.

Learn when to step back and step away from your blog. I think it’s really vital to carve out divorce-free space.
It can become all-defining and all-consuming. Maybe you just need space away from all things divorce for a few days while you let these current feelings wash through you. 💐

Hehx3 · 05/03/2023 22:25

I would say dwelling too, try to explore your feeling about it, lessons for future, boundaries you need to set etc. that would help you heal.
Writing all the nasty stuff and focusing on him will not help you in my humble opinion..
I hope things will get easier for you 💐

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