Dating - finding it strange

[denpark]

Ok so I'm in my 40's and now back in the dating game.
I'm finding the whole thing difficult, hate the apps but when I go out I'm finding a whole new thing that I wasn't expecting (and I find strange).

Younger men hitting on me.
Some of them quite a lot younger.

What on earth is this all about and why do they do it? Someone in their mid/late 30's I can get my head around but why would a 25-34 year old hit on an older woman when there are so many gorgeous girls their own age around to choose from.

I'm finding it a bit uncomfortable

Sex, thinking you’re desperate (sorry to be harsh 🫣)

That's what I suspected. I'm absolutely not desperate! Quite unsure about whether I can be arsed with the whole thing, to be honest!

I find them annoying! 😂😂

Yes, I'm afraid the cynic in me thinks the same. I'd rather not bother quite frankly.

but why would a 25-34 year old hit on an older woman when there are so many gorgeous girls their own age around to choose from.

They are also hitting on the younger gorgeous girls but there is more competition for those girls and the younger gorgeous girls have pick of the litter, they either want a top rate man, a rich man to spoil her or a solid man who is ready to commit.
So they still hit on older women because they assume their young age is currency with you (better body, harder dick than older men your age), they want the older woman sex experience (Stiffler's mom, cougar, milf, gilf, toy boy, sugar mommy..).

Some of these men hit on everyone to see what their level is according to who replies or matches with them, like an experiment to assess their attractiveness. Some men just want notches on their bed. Some of these men are desperate. Some of them have a kink or a fetish for an older woman. Some of them are betting and messing around with their mates. And some very few of them genuinely liked your profile.

It's when I'm out in town that this happens,. I don't really do dating apps as I hate them. It's really odd

Were they white British men? Do you like younger than your age? Do you have that milf look? slim big (fake) boobs, tan, big hair, loads of make up cougar-y look? Do you dress sexy?
Because I can't imagine it happening if you have grey hair and wear seasalt with mum boots in a sensible bra.

Shes in her 40s, not 60s 😂

It depends what you are looking for, nothing wrong with saying yes to a little fun after a long term relationship. Many of us who are divorced don't want to jump back into a relationship, I had 3 years of single but not celibate before I met someone I have started a relationship with.

Don't worry about it, relax.

I'm 34 and I date men 25-36. I don't tend date much older than that as I feel men don't take care of themselves past a certain point. Just from what I've seen on these sites.

But there are so many beautiful 40+ year old women! So I can see why men prefer to date older (and I'm thankful they do lol).

Men of all different races. I dress nicely but not slitting. I actually have grey hair that has a silver balayage in it. I'm not slim and I don't wear tonnes of makeup!

Sluttily!

I think younger men like older women as we tend to be more relaxed, less focused on finding someone to start a family with, more confident - especially sexually

If anything this should be encouraged as we become a more equal society. It would help balance out all the younger women who go for older men making dating in your 40 and up harder (as a woman).

I find the ageism and misogyny on here sometimes quite irritating. Might it be, op, because you are attractive and perhaps have an ease about you and confidence that younger men find appealing? Women don’t suddenly lose their attractiveness to men at a certain age, whatever society would gave us believe; my theory is that men of the same age look for younger women as an ego boost/as a way of trying to hang onto their own youth/because they can’t handle the confidence of women their own age (and accompanying finely-honed bullshit detector). Enjoy the attention (if you want it) op! 😉

I appreciate all the nice comments and completely agree that the misogyny needs to go away! Thank you to everyone who has been nice/helpful! I might have to start looking at some of the approaches uk getting in a different way!

I think I I also need to relax a bit more!

Starred dating casually at 49 and found that men of [cough] all ages were interested. Why the hell not? I have plenty to offer, zero interest in settling down at that time, I'm quite directive in bed, intelligent, lots to talk about, high sex drive...I'm a lot of fun! I bet you are too...

I think start on the basis that as a living breathing female, sexual interest from men is not difficult to get. Then just clear from your mind the preconceptions that weirdo misogynist Hollywood film directors have put in our heads. Straight men like women. A lot.

Be as picky as you want to be for yourself; I genuinely was quite picky but could have had sex most nights if I'd wanted to. My rule of thumb ended up being to ignore looks but focus on their ability to chat and use of language plus zero flickers of anger- if I got even a glimpse of temper i was out.

I started by setting rules about how young I would go but broke them a couple of times... saw a lovely 27 year old a few times, he was the youngest. Great memories.

Do it any way that works for you! But enjoy.

Have you seen the younger women these days? They demand a man be at least 6'5", have washboard abs, and basically a millionaire before even accepting a text greeting. Plus, a relationship with a younger woman must start online these days so that they can prescreen you. They have ridiculously unattainable preferences that are bolstered by videos of influencers on social media reinforcing the idea of never settling for anything less than the perfect man. At least older women are realistic and don't seem to have so many standards and boxes that must be ticked before even saying "hello". I'm 20 and just had my first relationship end when my partner sadly died at 75. I'll admit there were elements of kink involved for both of us, it is why we initially met, but it grew into something more and have never felt so cared for and respected as a person by anyone else in my life. That's what's missing from these younger women, just basic empathy for their partner's feelings; instead most younger women are selfish narcissists that are never satisfied unless all their wants and desires are immediately satiated.

Yes your last sentence. I get hit on far more these days by all ages.
Why can't it just be because they are attractive and look confident etc.

I hate age gaps and a big part of that is because of the imbalance, old men can sometimes be with younger women but don't see it as much the other way and where does that leave older women? With elderly men!? So if we can't get rid of age gaps then balance would be the next best thing. Normalise it.

But actually in media and society etc it's seeping in slowly that we need to get away from seedy men going younger

@denpark
My nephew says it's because they are not looking at you with marriage or baby making expectations , and they are usually better positioned to share the cost of activities.

and you sound gorgeous. and elegant. Enjoy the attention.

Ignore the poster who is being quite frankly rude.

And If I had anything to do it with, seasalt and Joanie would be put into extinction. Frumpy, crappy clothing that has become some MN's entire identity.

They want to get laid OP is the most likely explanation.