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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do

3 replies

mum2b97 · 05/03/2023 13:45

Hello, I am a first time mum and I am looking for a bit of advice or anyone who has been in a similar situation. When I found out I was pregnant both my boyfriend and myself were happy, however he went out drinking every weekend of my pregnancy despite promising me he’d stop drinking with me (I didn’t ask him to do this). When I had my daughter things were better, however last weekend we broke up due to his behaviour (he got very aggressive and spat in my face) because he had a few drinks and I removed myself and my daughter from the situation and went to my mum’s house. I went out to meet some friends on the Sunday to get a bit of a breather while my mum looked after my daughter and unfortunately he was in the same pub, I ignored him and had a good time with my friends but when the pub closed he spat in my face again and accused me of speaking to boys etc even though we had broken up. He has since apologised but he has apologised many times before. I’ve been living at my mum’s since but still been letting him come around and see our daughter, we have been getting on better and this weekend I went to his, however I already feel like I am fed up of him, I have always felt like I never get as much support from him as I do off my mum, i feel like I am forever running round after him and it just gets thrown in my face eventually. I know this sounds like the obvious thing to do is leave but we still have a daughter together so it’s never going to be as easy as to leave and never speak to him again, plus I don’t really trust him to have our daughter on his own for any length of time because I don’t feel like I get much support when I’m there, plus he has another child. Do things get better or what should I do?

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 05/03/2023 16:45

Do not go back to someone who feels it’s appropriate to spit in the face of the mother of his child. That’s actually disgusting. Leave him for good OP

category12 · 05/03/2023 17:56

He's hopeless as a dad, hopeless as a partner.

You'll be better off as a single mum and so will your child. It's not to your dd's benefit to grow up living with a man like this, with a toxic relationship as her example. Spitting in your face is disgusting and one small step from there to violence.

Leave him and only have contact regarding your child, don't engage with anything else.

DOCTORCEE · 07/03/2023 11:13

What sort of person even considers spitting in another persons face? Let alone the mother of his child. That’s just revolting.
How would you feel about a ‘man’ spitting in your daughters face when she’s older?
I’d ditch him without question. He will only get worse and is a terrible example for your daughter. You can do much better…

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