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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend with controlling husband

7 replies

cybernautus · 05/03/2023 11:02

need advice..
My cousin has isolated herself from all her friends and own side of her family, sister and brothers. Her husband is aggressive. I went to visit her recently and her husband came downstairs. and asked me to leave because all of a sudden he wanted to go out. My cousin was ushered Into their kitchen whilst I finished my coffee. My cousin came into the lounge and stated that she didn't want me being around anymore and that she now was on a different path. My cousin is god mum to my 2children and we have been like sisters throughout our lives. This is totally out of character for her as we have never fallen out

What can I do?
I can't contact her in any way but I'm worried. We are in our late fifties and I may never see her again. I have been caused of being toxic but I've done nothing.

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 05/03/2023 12:42

How long have they been together and married?
Have her siblings had the same experience and shared concerns?

LochlanOlsen · 05/03/2023 14:34

I've had a similar experience with a friend who was in an abusive relationship. She also cut off contact with me and other friends, and it was very painful and confusing. Eventually, she was able to leave her abuser and reconnect with us, but it took time and patience on our part. All we could do was let her know that we were there for her whenever she was ready to reach out, and respect her boundaries in the meantime. I hope that you're able to find a way to support your cousin and help her through this difficult time.
Read More and Watch Video Here

Agapornis · 05/03/2023 22:21

If you're worried she's in immediate danger, do please call the police.
Have a search for Women's Aid - I’m worried about someone else. Lots of good advice there.
Is their post box out of sight enough that you could drop round a leaflet with support services? Send something in the post? Come up with some excuse re being a godmother that she has to attend an event?

TheCatterall · 06/03/2023 01:31

LochlanOlsen · 05/03/2023 14:34

I've had a similar experience with a friend who was in an abusive relationship. She also cut off contact with me and other friends, and it was very painful and confusing. Eventually, she was able to leave her abuser and reconnect with us, but it took time and patience on our part. All we could do was let her know that we were there for her whenever she was ready to reach out, and respect her boundaries in the meantime. I hope that you're able to find a way to support your cousin and help her through this difficult time.
Read More and Watch Video Here

Is that the right video link? It took me to a spammy looking web page with a bloke on a video telling me how Everyman was secretly wanting me to do x to be more irresistible?

TheCatterall · 06/03/2023 01:32

@cybernautus massive squishes it’s awful
being in this position and trying to help someone.

For starters - please contact the police under Clares law as a concerned relative and friend - clares-law.com

snitzelvoncrumb · 06/03/2023 02:32

If possible get a message to her that you understand and you are only ever a phone call away if she needs you. You can’t force her to leave the relationship, but you can help her when she needs you.

Bananalanacake · 06/03/2023 06:10

How long has she been married to him. Can't she see how controlling he is. Let her know you are there for her.

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