This is my very first post. I am so confused. My head is buzzing and I am so exhausted. I don't want to burden people in real life so here I am.
Background: my Dh works really hard basically two fulltime Jobs self-employed. He's trying to build up his success. This left me giving up my part-time job to see to our children and home. We have 5.
He has lots of unreasonable moments since we married 15 years ago. These are increasing and I can no longer turn a blind eye. This morning he ignored me and then his mate came and he was nothing but smiles and craic. Later he came in for lunch and was covered in slurry. Basically stinking. He refused to remove his brown covered jeans and said I was imagining the smell. He then sprinkled crumbs over the floor I just brushed. He undermined me in front of the children. Said I overreact and no wonder they won't listen to me. I felt so small, worthless and undermined.
It had been a hard week. I've been helping a family member to make sure they eat as they are an alcoholic and my grandparent has found out they have cancer. I was already emotionally worn out.
I packed a bag of food and blankets and basically drove and sat at the coast and cried. I have finally braved coming home after 7 hours and nothing has changed. Everything is my fault. Apparently all I do is rant and rave even though I am too broken at the moment to properly speak. He constantly shouted at me. He didn't care how I was or where I was. I told him he's leaving.
I am so muddled. I can't think straight but I can't live like this anymore. If I didn't have children I would be long long gone.
I am so sorry this is so long