AIBU

[misspinredhill]

AIBU?

Please can someone help me get some perspective, I want to understand if I am being unreasonable as me and my OH just can't see eye to eye on this

My sister is due to graduate in America in a few months, it is a dream come true for her and has been something that she has wanted for a long time, my whole family or most of my family is planning to go, my husband and DC were invited, however due to work my husband can't travel, I would like to go but it would mean leaving him and my DC for 1 week, I can ask my DMIL to help out for the week which she is happy to do.

The problem is he is incredibly upset that I want to go, he says we have different values, his view is if we both couldn't go then he wouldn't go which I just don't understand? I don't know why he would want me to miss out on this trip, it's not often that my family gets together and whilst I'm upset he can't come I really want to go.

AIBU? I just can't see his perspective and we have had so many fights about it, is it unreasonable for me to want to go away for 7 days without him? I have never done anything like this, I haven't been away even for a single night since DC was born, this was my choice, in the past he has been away for work, my DC is 4 now and with my DMIL helping and the fact that he will be in school is manageable so it isn't as though they wouldn't cope, he just isn't happy with the idea of me travelling without him

Please can someone offer me some perspective, we have had so many fights about this and just can't see to see eye to eye

No definitely not, it isn't about childcare and finances, we have a joint account where most of our money goes but we have separate accounts, I will be using my personal account, i think it is just the idea that I would go without him and my DC as he expects us to do everything together

Someone doesn't fancy having to look after his own children for a week (never mind that his mother is happy to help), by the sound of it

Maybe he is scared of being responsible alone for your child? Is he afraid of you flying?
When my children were younger, pre covid, my husband went to the US several times for work and I was also very unreasonable about it. Because i was scared of him being so far away, afraid that disasters would happen that i could not face alone😣
I’m much better now the kids are older… but i can relate to people who feel this way.

We have 4 DC all nearly out they teens.

We did lots together and lots not together.

I don't think it's usual to do "everything" together always.

If he's not usually controlling, it would suggest he's being defensive. Could he be worried about taking sole care of DC? Or worried about being 'alone' as such?

I used to have awful anxiety and it had on occasion come out as controlling behaviour.. its that flight or fight response coming in at the wrong time!

Could be a deeper issue here?

He should be happy for you.

@misspinredhill I hope you went!