No cards or gifts

[Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo]

Hey,
Just wanted a little advise on people's thoughts about a boyfriend who doesn't give a card or gift for my birthday/is inconsistent. One time nothing. One time a card and no gift. A gift, bo card. Then nothing again. We've been together a long time - I've said birthdays are important to me. And astonishingly he recognises his own birthday and how important it is for him, and what he'd like etc. So, I gently asked about it this year because as I said, again - nothing. Somehow this has turned on to me and I've been told to leave him alone. My birthday was a week ago, why am I asking now etc. (first time we had met up due to work etc / don't live together). I know deep down this is not really okay, but I guess I've found this place to hear from others.
Thank you.

Well I would ignore his birthday for a start.
And then leave him alone - permanently.

I've never understood people who get nothing from their partners for their birthday but don't reciprocate in kind. Don't do anything at all for his birthday and let him see how that feels. It's not acceptable

Sorry to be that person but for me this would be a make or break. It's not even about the birthday per se, it's that you've told him something is important to you, and he continues to ignore it. It's not a huge ask either, you can order cards and gifts online in minutes.

I believe that the most important thing is to pay attention to your partner first, even if you don't have money at the moment, you can always come up with something. Even simple flowers ordered for delivery(I use this service in my town - flower delivery in Glasgow) with the right and kind wishes can work magic! And don't stay silent, tell your partner what you're thinking about it, they're not a mind reader.

It is the lack of effort, the lack of listening to you

Does he have any other good qualities

Just because you have been with him for a long time, doesn't mean that you have to stay together

It shows that he thinks he's more important than you.
I'll bet it's not the only way he's selfish either...

Have you said that you will happily not respond in the same way on his birthday from now on.

Thank you everyone for your advice and I hear all of what you've said and agree, it's been really helpful to see that I'm not alone in my thoughts.

I've clearly communicated that this behaviour is not fair or acceptable and I will stand strong. I find it hard that it is even something that has happened because it's against the "norm" for me.

Do you know why he keeps behaving like this? It's because you keep allowing it. It's as simple as that really. You've put up with it for quite a while, whilst probably buying him thoughtful cards and gifts for his birthday. So what's in it for him to change?
The person who is to blame for this is you. Because you have no boundaries. I say this kindly, even if it doesn't seem that way. I used to be a people pleasing doormat myself years ago, and bemoaned how badly people treated me when I was so nice to them. But one day I woke up and had a blinding realisation, that they treated me badly because I allowed them to. And from that day to this, my attitude changed, and so did theirs. I believe some people can see those they can take advantage of and zone in. And those are also the people who demand quite a lot for themselves.
The only person who can change this is you. Good luck.

His behaviour is fine, OP, many people don't bother with birthdays, and presents and cards etc.

But the fact that he's ignored your clearly stated wishes and is now blaming you for being upset about it is everything you need to know. Why would you stay with someone who hurts you and then blames you for it? Do you think he cares how you feel? Do you think he wants you to feel good?