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Relationships

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Original poster

Long distance relationship do they work.

21 replies

PinkChampange · 04/03/2023 18:13

Pretty much what the title says! I'm interested to know your success stories.

So long distance relationships work?

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/03/2023 18:19

I'm married to mine. But it was a bloody nightmare. You have to both really want it.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 04/03/2023 18:24

I know I wouldn't be able to do it, I guess it really depends on the people involved but it wouldn't be something I'd consider doing.

Ofcourseshecan · 04/03/2023 18:29

I've seen it work with people who have a strong and long-lasting bond, if one person goes abroad for a set time, probably not more than a year, with a definite return planned and some visits along the way.

Otherwise, in my experience, when one person moves away and a normal everyday relationship becomes an LDR, it's just the most painful and long-drawn-out way of splitting up.

When you start a relationship with someone you know can't often be with you, it's slightly better, but only if you can both keep your feelings at the same controlled level. Enjoy spending time together when it's possible, and keep the conversation going with phone and Zoom calls. But many people find it's painful to see and talk to a lover that you can't touch. And things go wrong when one person feels it more deeply and can't cope with the separation.

Best of luck if you're planning it, OP.

Tanaria · 04/03/2023 19:21

I've known someone make it last 20 years so far, but then neither party are ready to move in together; they just meet up in a random place every weekend.

MrBallensWife · 04/03/2023 19:22

I think it depends on how well established the relationship is beforehand,if its an online dating and you're miles apart,probably no,but if you've been together a while and one has to move away then I think yes,it's got more chance of surviving.

Original poster

PinkChampange · 04/03/2023 19:42

Thanks all for the replies.

OP posts:

StamppotAndGravy · 04/03/2023 19:46

We did for 8 years but we were friends before so didn't need so much of the intense getting to know you stage. We're both very independent and quite like having our own place, although we had one "family" joint home and a pad. Eventually we did have to ask what the point of being married was and made changes to our careers. I wouldn't recommend it, certainly if you want kids.

Pseudonamed · 04/03/2023 21:41

I guess it depends on how long the distance is. Within a couple of hours drive is a totally different thing to within a couple of hours via plane.

Mummikub · 04/03/2023 21:51

Married mine, too. Still miss my old city but he was worth moving for

motherofkevinnotperry · 04/03/2023 22:06

They can buy they tend not to. Clearly there's exceptions

Johnisafckface · 04/03/2023 22:52

I would never do a LDR again. Both times I was cheated on/ghosted. Broke my heart.

Scottishskifun · 04/03/2023 23:39

Another one who is married to mine we were ldr for the first year.
It definitely can work but needs both people equal travelling and at some point the discussion of who is moving

cassiatwenty · 04/03/2023 23:51

Hard work

Flounder2022 · 05/03/2023 20:05

It's hard work. We both have kids and most of the time when mine are with me his are with him so it can be tough working around that to see each other (not yet at the introduction stage)

But I would rather not see him than see some other guy 4 times a week (if that makes sense!) Our bond is strong but it's not always easy and we have taken some time apart in the past but ultimately it's each other we want and we will always find a way through the challenges

LilCat · 05/03/2023 20:13

It can if you are only doing LD for a limited time (a year o less) and after knowing each other well in person and if he is the type who can go without physical sex for a long time and if he is in a male dominated place (assuming he is straight) so not much temptation with women. I don't think most people are cut out for long distance though

Chelsea26 · 05/03/2023 21:13

I had one that worked, Leeds and London, we took turns doing the journey (normally three out of four weekends) We didn’t know different as we met on holiday and it was a lovely healthy relationship for four years. He then moved down and that’s when we fell apart as he was ready for pipe and slippers and I wasn’t

Tuilpmouse · 05/03/2023 22:33

What counts as long distance?

SoonToBeQueenCamilla · 05/03/2023 22:34

It depends .

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/03/2023 22:36

Tuilpmouse · 05/03/2023 22:33

What counts as long distance?

Depends what modes of transport you have available. I'd count it as anything that takes the best part of a day to travel. If you have a private jet that's different to if you are on the bus.

username1722 · 05/03/2023 23:01

It varies really. All the people I've known to be in long-distance relationships (including myself) have now all broken up.

It takes a lot of hard work and a lot of communication. Misunderstandings can happen so easily over text. Me and my long distance boyfriend at the time used to argue over the most petty things. But I know that if the argument was in person, we would have laughed and gotten over it.

I would never get into a relationship knowing it would be long-distance. However, it's different if you're already in a serious committed relationship and one of you has to move away temporarily for work or something like that. I

GreyCarpet · 06/03/2023 06:42

I tried it a couple of times. It didn't work. Texting wasn't enough to build or sustain a genuine connection and one weekend in 3 together felt more like a holiday than a genuine relationship.

It also took longer for red flags/incompatibilities to emerge because of this.

I think if you're already in a relationship and have to be LD temporarily then you can probably make it work with a lot of communication and 'rules' in place but otherwise, I wouldn't bother trying again.

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