Am I overreacting

[Prettyroses3]

My dh and I have recently started fertility treatment with lots of tests and things last year, it was quite a stressful time for me and I had some depression and anxiety. A few months ago I found some messages of dh and a female from work who I knew were friends. The messages were normal apart from a couple, one was inappropriate banter and one was slightly flirty birthday message on her side. There was none about meeting up or feelings etc. He wasnt flirty in them. He doesnt really flirt. I had already read the messages and when I asked about them he panicked and deleted them. He apologised and for the inappropriate banter and said he didn't think they were flirty. To be fair most were about work or family and children. I have been funny about messages in the past and that may be why he deleted. He has stopped the messaging and doesn't hide his phone. Always tells me where he is, is quite reliable. Messages a lot on nights out. Did I overreact as I don't want this to create trust issues? I don't know if I am feeling more vulnerable because of the treatment.

Why are you reading his messages in the first place? Is there a history here that he's cheated before?

No history, I saw the banter then had a look but I don't regularly do that I hadn't looked in about 5 years

If my partner read my messages without permission I’d be furious. It doesn’t sound like anything inappropriate going on, but you don’t trust him and that won’t feel good for him

I think you’re overreacting. It sounds like he is very open with you.

I can’t understand your issue, so normal non flirty messages to a friend about work family or kids?

i don’t even know what you’re actually reacting to other than you feel he is not permitted to have mates?

one was inappropriate banter and one was slightly flirty birthday message on her side.

So there is something to worry about I would say. Sounds like you saw them almost accidentally which is fair enough if something catches your eye.

Hopefully now your husband knows you know then this will kill whatever may or may not have happened. Make sure you are both on the same page about what is and what isn't appropriate with work friendships.

Oh give over.

@Daffodilsandbeer care to elaborate?

I can't see anything wrong really, did he know you'd read them or did he delete them before he knew you knew about them?

A few months ago I found some messages

Down the back of the sofa? In the shed?

He said he messaged this friend and then offered to show the messages but wasn't happy about it, he didn't show them but I noticed they had been deleted then I asked about the inappropriate message, I should have asked straight away but didn't want to seem like a bunny boiler

So he had deleted them thinking you knew nothing of them? That would raise alarm bells, but then you've seen them and they aren't too incriminating are they? I'd let it go, hopefully he's learned from this

Yeh not too incriminating, instead of saying iv seen the message I said I won't be happy if I see an inappropriate comment so I don't know if he panicked and deleted it, I should have just called it out, he's never hid his phone tho and since has shown messages, he apologised a lot and said he felt bad but he didn't think it was a big deal, do you think our reactions made it into a bigger thing?