How do I get through this?

[talie]

My dh left me two days ago with two dd's - a toddler and a 6 month old baby.

Says he doesn't love me any more and doesn't think he ever has, but find this hard to believe. He's adamant that his decision to go is final and that he won't be back. He's already pressuring me to "sort" things out so he can start his new life and being very "decent"!!! about the whole issue.
I'm finding this really hard to cope with and don't want it to end - I don't believe our relationship is unsalvagable but he flatly refuses to open up to where we went wrong or to go to counselling or anything - he's just given up I think! or maybe it's just too early?

How can I play this - I thought I was really strong and have done my utmost to be so in front of him and in front of the dd's, but then I just break down and feel like my whole world is totally destroyed and I can't go on. If I didn't have children to keep me going I think I'd totally lose the plot!

I really want him to realise he's made the wrong decision and come back to us but I don't know how to go about it the right way - do many men return to there wives if you give them the space they need, or have I lost him forever? I'm not a weak gushy woman, I just believe that my marriage is worth saving, but I can't save this on my own!

Any advice on who I need to speak to e.g. legally etc. to prepare me for the worse would be gratefully received.

From one totally screwed up person!!

:(

Peskykids put it brilliantly - I join in the round of fruity bollocks. Maybe you've not behaved impeccably, every single moment, over the past few years - FFS, which of us has? You've got two small children - but please, this is NOT the time to start blaming yourself because if you do, you'll go down that spiral where you think everything's your fault (been there, believe me!) You need to keep strong, not pull yourself down. Hang on in there, honey.

Three cheers for Talie - come one girls let's big her up!!

(you are smiling reading this Talie aren't you??)

Sending more cyber hugs Talie {{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}} I cant htink of anything useful to say though except could your DH perhaps have postnatal depression which i have heard can happen to men when they become a father - Feel wary of saying this though cos it feels like a get out clause for him which doesnt feel fair when he has behaved so badly,

:(

oh tallie im sending you MAJORLY BIGS HUGS.it could be me writing this thread lol as at this moment im going through exactly the same thing apart from that my 2 kids are slightly older than yours ones 4 the other just coming up to his 1st birthday.my exdp is so confused he doesnt know what he wants one minutes its us the next he wants the single life ,we too have had money probs etc in fact as i say this could be me word for word.twice my exdp has told me he's changed his mind only to then change it back again and has now started seeing some 18 year old but still cant give me an answer whether this is the end for us.ive had to move me and kids back home to my parents whilst our home is sold to pay off the debts.
after the last kick in the teeth i have finally realised that we have to get on with our lives with or without him.if like me you(and it sounds like you do)have an intense feeling in your gut that its not over then you have to show them that we can go on without them and do well and be nice when they come to visit and deep down inside hope and pray that they come to their senses and come home to where theyre meant to be.but no matter how much it hurts dont show them your as totally lost without them as you really are ,because if they feel guilty and thats the only reason they come back no one will be happy.
big hugs and please if you need to talk then by all means contact me through the site.it may help us to get through this together
karenanne

sending best wishes ot both karenanne and talie xxx

Thanks everyone for all your hugs and support.

Karenanne - maybe I'm not as worse off as I feel at this moment in time after reading what you had to say. I couldn't stand him coming and going and I was about to start a new thread to see if anyone has any words of wisdom on how to get him to come back!!

I know I'm not the only person in the world that's going through this right now - but it does feel like it, I just can't stop the tears at the minute. I'm trying to get him to communicate with me but I think it maybe too early, he is so defensive and adamant that we are through, but then hangs around when I ask him to leave the house - so is there a little spark left that I can grab hold of? I suppose only time will tell!

My dd's, well, mainly toddler, is feeling quite stressed, waking up in the night and up early in the morning etc. She keeps asking me why am I crying as well, which makes things worse! I try not to let her see me, but it just happens at any time and she usually catches me doing so.

I don't often manage to get onto the internet but it would be nice to keep chatting with you to see how you get on. Thanks.