Talk me down - previous relationships

[Vegasfox]

Been seeing an amazing guy for 6 months, we knew each other years and years ago recently back in contact as both single 15 years on.

Both have children, neither married. Neither of us want any more children.

From the off, relationship has been incredible in all ways, he went through a period of feeling a bit anxious that it was all a bit too good to be true and I supported him through it and he feels a lot more secure now, then all of a sudden I have this crushing anxiety that it’s all too good to be true and in particular I can’t seem to get over the fact he had relationships before!

I know I’m being unreasonable but now when he says or does lovely things I can’t shake the fact that he has said/done these before and it kind of ruins it for me!

How do I grow up and get these thoughts out of my head!

You need to give yourself the talk you gave him when you supported him. Remind yourself of what you said to him.
Yes he’s had relationships in the past but they’ve helped shape who he is now. They’ve made him see what he wants in life and what he doesn’t want. He comes with baggage and so do you but right now you’re both keen to make it work.
Sadly there will always be anxieties in relationships. There will always be the ‘what if’ worry but sometimes
you need that to help keep the spark alive.
You’re afraid because you’re really falling for him and don’t want to get hurt. It’s natural but if you don’t take the leap then you don’t know what you might miss out on. He could be the one to break your heart or he could just be the one. Don’t live your life in fear of the past!

Having had previous relationships is a good thing. It means he (hopefully, unless he’s hopelessly emotionally illiterate, and you’re better placed to work out whether or not he is than I am) now has some idea of what style of relationship and type of person is likely to be successful and has identified areas of his own character which have gotten in the way of a happy, healthy relationship previously.


Two of DP’s exes I count among my best friends. They’re incredibly interesting, funny, beautiful, talented women, I can see exactly why he liked them - and I actually quite like knowing that he’s picked some really great women to be with in the past. It says far more about him and his ability to be a good partner than if he’d never had a relationship, or had repeated crap relationships. Can you turn it around that way? The people in our pasts make us the people we are today. His exes aren’t you and it isn’t a competition, he’s chosen to be with you, not them. It might not work out between the two of you - sometimes it doesn’t, that’s just how it goes. But the important thing to try and focus on is that if it doesn’t, that’s not a personal failing.

Is there anything he's said or done specifically that's brought this on, OP? Strong feelings usually come from somewhere, and you're not one for randomly making stuff up to get upset about (I assume)?

You've had relationships before and said and done lovely things with other partners.

Think about it.