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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Worried about being used

5 replies

MrsSnape · 10/02/2008 14:39

I posted a while ago about my "friend" who basically only wanted to know me when I had a car...as she didn't drive she expected me to taxi her around for her shopping, take her places in the holidays etc etc...

When I got rid of the car she latched onto someone else and boasted about all the places she'd been to with this other person whilst I was stuck at home without a car (or a lift).

When her new best friend is not "available" she moans to me about how bored she is and how she's always stuck at home with no way of getting anywhere.

A couple of weeks ago I casually mentioned that I couldn't wait until I got a car and so she replied "I can't wait until you get a car either!". I took offense really as she hasn't spoken to me properly or made any arrangements to see me since I got rid of the car yet here she is looking foward to when I get a new one as if our old routine is destined to continue.

Anyway last week I got an unexpected payout and plan to buy a car with it in two weeks. I havn't told her and don't really want her to know which I know is stupid she will find out though and I'm sure she'll be over the moon that she has her old convienient taxi back but I don't want things to end up like that again.

I'm not a taxi and I don't want to be used. The car will be mine, I'm paying for it, I paid for all those driving lessons 3 years ago, I spent all that time learning to drive...whether it sounds selfish or not I don't want to "share" my car with someone who just "expects" it.

How do I deal with this? as soon as she finds out she'll be expecting lifts to and from school, lifts to the shops, lifts into town etc etc...how can I be tactful/subtle and not enter into this situation again?

Or am I just being a bitch?

OP posts:
welshdeb · 10/02/2008 14:51

If she was your friend she would have kept in touch, car or no car. She could have asked you along on her trips with her new friend.

You need to think about whether this person's friendship is worth being used as a taxi service. Is she a good friend otherwise or good company?. If she is, it might be worth putting up with her attitude, if not you want to think about dropping her.

Can you just not tell her about your trips, or if that doesn't work be vague about arrangements, arrange to take your dc and other friends so there is no room in the car or even say "no its not convenient" like a broken record. If she is a real friend she will stick around if not, well it doesnt sound like a real loss.

violetsky · 10/02/2008 14:54

Mrs Snape, You don't have money for petrol this week, so you will not be doing any extra trips.

bossybritches · 10/02/2008 15:00

Say NO!!

SHe is NOT a friend she is a "User"

Does she not have a bus service near her?

AMumInScotland · 10/02/2008 16:41

You're not being a bitch, and frankly you needn't bother being tactful and subtle about it - next time she mentions it, laugh and say "I thought you had a new mug to be your unpaid taxi service now?"

colditz · 10/02/2008 16:43

"Sorry, I've got no petrol."

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