Anyone else's DP have an issue with them having 'time off'

[Blendiful]

This is an issue that's really starting to bug me.
I've been off this week unwell, starting to feel a bit better today but can't go back to work yet.
Worked Monday, tues I was 'off' but worked doing admin stuff until around 2pm, today I've took completely away from work. Tomorrow and Friday I will probably log on and again do admin style stuff.
DP seems to struggle if I have time off and he doesn't, first day off I'll he sorted some lunch, I sorted tea for the kids. Today he sorted lunch, again I sorted tea.
I have done washing, hoovering, tidying, some sorting that needed doing in the bedroom of my own stuff, booked something for the car, done an online shop (having already done one for other bits that arrived this morning and I put away). I will collect the other one tomorrow, done the menu for dinners for the month, and relaxed a bit inbetween.

This evening he's gone in a grump because I didn't do one small thing he asked, when he was stood right next to it. I pointed this out to be told 'I have done nothing'. Have pointed out what I have done and said well if he's not bothered I've done so much of nothing he won't mind not using the food I've ordered or driving the car I've sorted or wearing the clothes I've washed and put away then.

I feel this happens any time I am off. Even if I'm Ill, unless I'm actually throwing up he expects me to do stuff still, and if I have any leave off work, he gives me 'jobs' to do and gets the hump when I say no cause 'I'm not doing anything'. I have my own plans and I don't take time off to do jobs for every one else!! I take it off to relax and do what I want to do.

He quite regularly finishes work earlier than me and has 1-2 hours relaxing, whereas I finish and go straight into sorting tea (usually jointly). He has days off completely sometimes and declares 'I am doing nothing today' if I gave him jobs it's met with a 'no, I'm not doing anything today'.

It's really grating on me and I've made it clear today. I will be ensuring I ask him to do exactly the same when he has some time off and pointing out it's expected you do everything if you are doing 'nothing' just like me!

Just wondered if anyone else has a DP like this?

No, because he's not a selfish prick.

Honestly, stand up for yourself!

Don't worry i have. Told him exactly what his problem is. And proceeded to do exactly what he said 'nothing'.

So I now have everything I need/want for the evening and he's left to sort his own stuff out.

Nope. I married a nice respectful chap who likes me. Highly recommend.

I do.

Why are you doing all this stuff when you are supposed to be off work unwell? And do you normally WFH? It isn't clear - you say that you are logging on to do admin stuff - is that for work or home?
I think you need much clearer boundaries. If you are unwell enough not to be at work then you are not well enough to complete the long list of tasks you have managed to do. If you were not well enough to go to work on-site (if you in fact work in an office), but well enough to log in and work from home then you should have been working from home, and not doing the other tasks.
If you are ill, you are ill. That's the end of it. You should be resting so that you can recover faster. Obviously you need to make food but other tasks can be left until you are better. (I'm not questioning whether you were ill or not, I can imagine you feeling like shit and still pushing yourself to do things around the home as so many women do).
He is trampling on your boundaries because they are not clear enough. No, DP, I am unwell so I am doing nothing today. I need to rest.
Repeat ad infinitum until he gets the message.
He sounds like a prick.

He definitely was being a prick.

I have been told to be off by work and usually wfh/office combined. I can't 'go' to work due to illness which rules out 50% of my job so work felt I should be off to recover. Admin stuff was work related I unfortunately do a job that just waits until I am back and I have some deadlines I'll be rushing if I can't work all week, so I'm choosing to do bits I feel able to relieve me stressing more about it next week. This is I'm afraid pretty normal in my line of work people logging on when off if they can, or when they have pockets of time in evenings etc. not ideal but it is what it is. I could leave it, but next week would be hell for me then trying to get it all done.

For the house stuff I get bored very easily. I have done bits throughout the day again cause I can do it at my own pace/time, but also cause if I don't do it no one else will unfortunately and the kids still need clothes and food.

But I think you are right, boundaries aren't clear. Tomorrow they will be as I'll make sure I do do nothing!

Your DP is a massive knob. Tell him to fuck off.

Yabu if you can do that long list of things surely you can go to work.

Sounds like he's sees you as a household appliance that has temporarily broken down.

There’s a good Facebook group called bridging the gap community group. You are not alone OP! It sounds like you are carrying the majority of the mental load in your relationship and the things you do go unnoticed and taken for granted.

Unbearably smug. I am genuinely cringing at this reply.

He's not your fucking boss. Tell him that. My "D"H has many faults and our house is a complete tip, which I know he doesn't like, but if he stood over me dictating how I spend my time, that would be the end.

Unbearably smug. I am genuinely cringing at this reply.

It might be a bit smug. But it's not allowing shit men to be shit because "awww bless them they're useless". It's actually worth knowing that there are nice, respectful men out there.

Yeah, he's out of line. And now he's got you examining yourself and the way you spend your time and if you are doing enough etc etc. I bet he hasn't given it another thought because of course he is never under scrutiny.
He sounds controlling. He certain feels you are meant to provide services to him and he also feels entitled to have a go at you when your are not providing said services!

True though isn't it. I used to be with someone like OPs husband and it wasn't pleasant, now with someone decent and it makes a world of difference.

Not at all smug. Just blunt. Partners who genuinely care for you and see you as an individual in your own right, not just as their accessory, do not behave this way.

I have Long Covid, and for the past year dh has shouldered most of the domestic load, almost 100%, despite working longer hours than me. Because all I could manage was to go to work. Even though I'm no longer coming home and going straight to bed, he is still cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, doing school admin. While I'm sitting down with the cat. Because he is a decent man who sees my need to recover, even though I'm not even visibly ill.

I'm gradually picking up more, but there is no pressure from dh. We are equal partners in our relationship and we support each other.

If the poster I quoted was being unbearably smug, am I being boastful? Or are we both just honest?

He's being a dick. But have to admit your threshold for a sick day is different from mine, if I could do what you were doing I'd be WFH.

So he’s made himself your boss and you’ve fallen into line. Big mistake.
Start treating your time off exactly like he treats his.

Actually I think if you're working and doing things whilst 'off ill' it is confusing to someone else.

If my oh had the day off sick but was doing bits of jobs etc and then didn't do something I'd asked him to do, I'd be peeved.

However the inequality is a no no. Ones good for one is good for the other

If DH was off unwell, but still running around doing a million jobs and working I would still expect him to chip in.

That said, no chance would I accept dh ordering me about & telling me what jobs to do on my days off. Luckily I married a nice, hard working and respectful husband who doesn't treat me like the home help. If anything he does more than me because his shifts mean he's usually available when I'm working.

It’s factual. Cringe away.

I would expect my Dh to all chores or just the basics if I were ill. I think it’s outrageous that he’s off so does nothing yet expects you to do stuff when you’re off sick. Tell him to get to fuck, do zero for him.

Thats one nasty selfish piece of work you are with.

What an ugly person.

What a horrible example to your children.

Refreshingly you are seeing him clearly for the ugly waste of space he is.

He needs you to take a huge step back from doing anything for him and to feel the icy wind of you no longer tolerating being treated so badly.

He's not a good man, you do realise that?

Good men do not behave like this.

Abusive pricks do though.

I hope you feel better soon.