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Original poster

Marriage after divorce

13 replies

TheNefariousTIG · 01/03/2023 20:17

Hi.

I’ll keep this brief as I dont want it to be outing.

I am divorced. Been with new partner for nearly 4 years. His friend has let slip he is goung to pop the question at some stage soon.

i love this man, more than I ever loved my exH. Our relationship is better, we have more in common and I’m really happy.

HOW do you ever find the guts to say yes again when you've been married before and then have been through the sadness, shame, guilt and disappointment that divorce brings? (Not to mention financial cost and hell of solicitors and all the petty nastiness of that process)

my divorce was horrible. Previous to the split I never ever dreamed my exH could be such an awful person. He screwed me, and the kids over time and again without seeming to care.. I can’t go thought that again. Ever. It literally almost killed me.

BUT. I love this man, I WANT to marry him. I want a chance to do marriage right and I truly believe we have all the ingredients to do that.

i’m just terrified.

I need your experiences. Have you felt the fear and dine it anyway? Did it go well? Do you wish you hadnt?

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 01/03/2023 20:22

I swore I would never marry again after my divorce then I met DH and I knew he was a completely different person to ex-H. We had a small, simple wedding and were very happy together and I think we would've continued to be for a very long time. I knew DH's exW and I knew that at no time did he attempt to screw her over in any way (she left him for another woman) so I knew (as much as anyone can) that, in the event we did divorce he would be decent about it all.

Arcadia · 01/03/2023 20:24

How about a civil partnership instead? Different terminology but the same legal protection.

Sunriseinwonderland · 01/03/2023 20:26

After two divorces and the consequent horrendous divorces where they both tried to get as much money as possible out of me I will NEVER put myself through that again.

Livinghappy · 01/03/2023 20:28

Has your partner been married before? If so what was his relationship like with Ex?

I hate to be pessimistic but 2nd marriages have a higher failure rate so I would go into marriage with eyes wide open and consider whst it might cost you if you did divorce.

Do you have equal finances?

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/03/2023 20:36

I didn’t have a second of doubt about marrying DH. It felt completely different to marrying my ex. Not sure I can explain why which isn’t very helpful. We’ve been married much longer than I was to my ex, this is DH’s second marriage too.

PPop · 01/03/2023 20:43

I didn't doubt for a second marrying my DH, my ex was an unpleasant man and the marriage came to an unpleasant end but I knew I still wanted to be married again just to the right person.
When I met DH there wasn't a doubt that one day I wanted to marry him one day.

bouncydog · 01/03/2023 20:57

Married to 2nd for over 40 years. So not all 2nd marriages end in divorce. People tend to be older and wiser and have their eyes open rather than rose tinted specs! If you want to marry him go for it but just ensure you have ironed out any financial concerns first of all.

SpecialK2023 · 01/03/2023 21:00

Arcadia · 01/03/2023 20:24

How about a civil partnership instead? Different terminology but the same legal protection.

What’s the point if ending the arrangement is just as difficult as marriage?

Original poster
TheNefariousTIG · 01/03/2023 21:13

No hes never married. He hqs had three very serious relationships and lived with someone for a long time.

even though I know from some of his friends that in two out of those three relationships the ex’s treated him quite poorly, he has never ever said anything disparaging about either and would still, to this day, help them if they ever needed him to. He’s not in any way a walk over…and I think he’d only marry if he were really, really sure it would work.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNefariousTIG · 01/03/2023 21:14

Hes financially much better placed than I am. The divorce has ruined me financially. I have nothing to bring to the table in that respect.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNefariousTIG · 01/03/2023 21:15

Thanks for your experiences so far. It is good to hear others stories.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNefariousTIG · 01/03/2023 21:25

We’ve been living together for over a year. He gets on really well with my kids. Is hands on with them without being pushy. He genuinely likes them and they are affectionate with ine another. We share costs in a fair way, he does his share of the housework. He’s thoughtful and kind and respectful of my space when I need it. He’s honestly a wonderful man.

I wish I’d met him 20 years ago.

OP posts:
HazelBite · 01/03/2023 21:27

I was very wary about getting married for a second time. My first marriage had been brief but awful, and I couldn't really see why we couldn't just live together, but my partner then was most insistent so I just went for it (still full of foreboding) I realised on the honeymoon that I had made the right decision. 45 years on and I still have no regrets

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