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Original poster

Feeling unworthy of love

26 replies

Fairycake89 · 01/03/2023 18:48

This is long so bare with. Just feel like I need to get it all off my chest.

Last year around Xmas I felt my partner of 5 years was being distant. I put it down to stress from our recent late miscarriage. I was informed through a mutual friend he was texting another woman behind my back. Not only texting in fact, he had met up with her twice in the new year. Once for a walk in the local area (the balls!) and once for a meal and drinks 2 hours away. Truth be told I had no idea. Silly old me thought he was doing overtime….

He obviously tried to say they were “friends” and all that bull… but she said they kissed and sent me months of messages that made it very clear he wanted more. When she tried to break it off as she found out about me he reassured her that he was single and he thought it was going somewhere? When he found out she had spoken to me directly he quickly turned nasty to her suggesting she was trying to ruin our relationship because he had told her he was “sorting” things with me and she was jealous.

He got a speeding fine the evening he took her out and when I quizzed why his car was miles away at that time he literally convinced me his car must have been cloned and went as far as reporting this to the police. This is how far his lies go!

A few month later I am told he has a Instagram for his 2nd job (fitness page) which I didn’t know existed. He had blocked me , my friends and my family off it. He used this as a poaching platform to message numerous girls (including the one above) …Liking all their photos and conversing via direct message etc. He says to this date that this was not his account and it was in fact hacked. There was even messages such as “I can’t wait for you to get me all hot and sweaty.”

We have always had an issue with social media as he has never posted me or my kids. Only ever posted of him and his daughter. He knows how I feel but said it was because he wanted to keep our relationship private and wouldn’t post simply because I had said to. It made me
feel like he was keeping me hidden or was ashamed? For example we all went to a wedding and had a family photo and he cropped me and my 2 out of it and posted “wedding with my girl.”

Fast forward to June 2022… whilst muggins here was looking after him as he was poorly.. he gets a text “aw you must be I’ll as your being quiet and that’s a first.”
It’s his daughters dance teacher 🥴 he says it was completely random and he must mean because he hasn’t been taking her to dance that she thinks he’s being quiet (lol)

New Year’s Eve, we were taking a selfie at midnight and a message comes through to him to wish him happy new year etc but he quickly
swiped off. I waited until the day after to ask him about this and tried to convince me I was seeing things.

Yesterday she did it again, so I messaged her and she is a parent from gymnastic class!! And they are now “friends “…. So much so he has told her all about the ups and downs of our relationship , that he’s single and has been for ages and complimenting her pics (which is apparently a private joke to do so) they have been texting since July but as friends….she notified me that he had sent her Snapchat’s too. (An app he’s made clear he doesn’t want in this relationship!)

He is saying I’m causing an argument over absolutely nothing and now saying I must have a guilty conscious myself to even suggest there’s anything going on? When they are just friends. God forbid I went and got a dads number from
football and text him as “friends”…. I just wouldn’t!

My partner is extremely insecure… to the point I cannot even nap without notifying him in advance. Or god forbid I miss a call or don’t reply within 0.2 seconds. He pulls a face if me and my ex have to communicate over our children’s arrangements…. Or if I look at another man by accident!

I have however always always tried to reassure him when he feels this way. I even send photos to put his mind at rest throughout the day. But he cannot offer me any reassurance, turns it around on me when I speak up about something I don’t agree with or something I feel strongly about and threatens to leave? And it’s always me left begging to make it work.

Obviously there is a lot of good that comes with the bad! Or I wouldn’t have stuck around. I love him and he’s my best friend! But I don’t think the love is reciprocated .

I’m broken and not sure what to do anymore.

Feels a bit scary getting it off my chest as I’ve kept it to myself for so long.

just looking for some support :(

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 01/03/2023 19:04

I’m broken and not sure what to do anymore.

Bin him. Do you have children together?

patrickbatemansbusinesscard · 01/03/2023 19:10

Don't not have a child with this person.

Watchkeys · 01/03/2023 19:14

He's a liar. Unless you want a relationship with a liar, leave. The reason you feel like you're going nuts isn't because of how he treats you, it's because you stick around for more.

supercali77 · 01/03/2023 19:17

Well. You know you aren't mad but you'll eventually go mad with all these rules for you and different ones for him. And the lies. He's really not your best friend, or if he is, you need better friends. Leave him before he sends you bonkers

BCBird · 01/03/2023 19:17

Put yourself first. What a toss pot. You deserve peace. I doubt you will have this with him. Hand hold.

Zanatdy · 01/03/2023 19:22

He cropped you and your kids out of the photo? That’s shocking. That alone would be enough for to end it. He’s got zero respect for you and is probably cheating with multiple women. Do you want to live like that?

Channellingsophistication · 01/03/2023 19:43

What is good about him? I can’t see what can be worth it when he behave like this…

frozendaisy · 01/03/2023 19:46

Don't live with this utter imbalance anymore OP.

If you aren't his only queen what is the point?

cassiatwenty · 01/03/2023 19:49

frozendaisy · 01/03/2023 19:46

Don't live with this utter imbalance anymore OP.

If you aren't his only queen what is the point?

👍 Can't have a harem now

Original poster
Fairycake89 · 01/03/2023 20:09

Thank you all. I think it’s good for me to hear external opinions because i try and convince myself that I must be the problem. He has just shared a quote on social media saying

“I hope this time, when you see the signs, you don't ignore them.
I hope this time when you see the lack of effort, you don't force it, you pick up and go.
I hope this time, you save yourself before you even get damaged.”

It’s stuff like this that makes me feel like he sees no wrong !!!

think I’m going crazy. I wish I knew what I have done to deserve this

OP posts:
Fuckstix · 01/03/2023 20:23

What a twisty fucker. He's a controlling cheat. This is clear.

Original poster
Fairycake89 · 01/03/2023 20:34

MissConductUS · 01/03/2023 19:04

I’m broken and not sure what to do anymore.

Bin him. Do you have children together?

No he has a daughter and i have two . We’ve had numerous miscarriages over the years and were actively trying up until I found all this out xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairycake89 · 01/03/2023 20:36

Zanatdy · 01/03/2023 19:22

He cropped you and your kids out of the photo? That’s shocking. That alone would be enough for to end it. He’s got zero respect for you and is probably cheating with multiple women. Do you want to live like that?

Yeah he posts of his daughter daily but never of us 3 xx

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 01/03/2023 20:41

Fairycake89 · 01/03/2023 20:36

Yeah he posts of his daughter daily but never of us 3 xx

Show quote history

Of course not. He's looking for any opportunity to cheat, so having you in the pictures would make that harder.

He's really wasting your time.

Rockofages3 · 02/03/2023 08:17

He is deliberately gaslighting you. There is nothing to be confused about here. He is a liar and a cheat and a manipulator. He has zero respect for you, if you don’t have respect, what do you have?

Get yourself a sexual health check and don’t sleep with him again, who knows how many women he’s slept with since you’ve been together.

The miscarriages, although devastating, may have a silver lining, in that they saved you from being tied to this immoral man for a couple of decades.

Fate is trying to save you from him, stop resisting and help it along!

Please don’t ever beg anyone. You would never need to beg someone who loves you and is committed to you.

You have nothing of any substance with him here.

Have you written a pros and cons list for yourself? You don’t have to post it. You might find it quite eye opening.

barmycatmum · 02/03/2023 08:46

You are very worthy of love- you just need to heal whatever wounds have allowed you to think you somehow should stick with someone who flat out denies your relationship and hides it.

please find it in yourself to kick him out of your life. Once you start treating yourself with love and kindness, and start believing you truly are worthy (and you are), you’ll begin to see how completely unworthy he is.

he’s been keeping you distracted with his toxic shit, and getting away with hiding you, and hiding a lot from you.

your children deserve so much better than to grow up thinking this is what relationships are like. Please kick him out. He’s trash. :(

blobby10 · 02/03/2023 08:55

@Fairycake89 I just want to give you a big hug! !You ARE worthy of love - the dickhead you are giving your love to ISN'T worthy of it. Please please don't stay with him and definitely don't have a child with him. You deserve better than he is offering. You are a mum - you don't need a man-child to prove your worth.

Warspite · 02/03/2023 09:02

Someone above has used the word “immoral” to describe your Prince. It’s a word not often used these days but it’s a goodun.
Get rid of this immoral creep. He’s destroying you.

User0610134057 · 02/03/2023 09:09

Read your message back, he sounds awful! Don’t waste another second with him, there are better more decent men out there. Up your standards.

Sellsellseller · 02/03/2023 09:10

Sorry, but you’re a complete doormat and a mug. You are aware how he is maki by you look aren’t you?

Bin him off, you can do so much better.

Original poster
Fairycake89 · 02/03/2023 09:21

Wow I really appreciate all your lovely comments and advice. It’s so hard because it’s like deep down I know he’s awful. Then he will give me a high and shower me with love and then I fall back into his trap. It’s frustrating! I have written a list on my notes and I keep re reading. I think it hits home when I can physically see the shit he does to me!

I think part of me thinks I will never get better?! Hes so good looking, full of confidence and then there’s me. I’m average on a good day 😂 and boring. I am a full time midwife, and I suppose you could say “single mum” and don’t have any fun. I don’t know what he even saw in me anyway. Probably a good heart x

OP posts:
Sellsellseller · 02/03/2023 09:35

I knew he was good looking, that’s how he gets away with it and women turn a blind eye. I know a guy like that and he uses it to his full advantage, what he gets away with is unbelievable.

Weedoormatnomore · 02/03/2023 10:16

You deserve so much better than him. People like him are great at making you feel your unworthy and going mad. its why we stay in these relationships longer than we should ! You need to get rid he is a liar and the fact he does not admit on social your in a relationship is prob cheating on you regularly.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/03/2023 10:21

Fairycake

Why do you think you would never get better?. Is this ill and or otherwise abusive treatment from this man all you think you deserve then?. No and relationships with big highs and crushing lows are never sustainable. You've been caught up in his love bombing and that was an act he could never hope to at all maintain.

What happened to you, what did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Past poor relationship experience and leading from this poor boundaries let this man into your life in the first place; he saw in you an easy target to exploit and or otherwise use and indeed he has done this. You have a busted shark cage here in terms of your boundaries and that needs urgent attention. Counselling for your own self would be an extremely good idea going forward as would be looking at the Freedom Programme. You've got to unlearn the crap you've been taught about relationships.

You have daughters; you would not want them surely to have a relationship like this when they are adults and you would want better for them. Show them better and more positive lessons on relationships going forward by showing them properly that you as their mother value yourself and have good boundaries.

cassiatwenty · 02/03/2023 12:18

OP, of course you will get better. You don't need to wait 17 years until you achieve a set of goals set by our society to feel worthy of loving yourself.

I suppose the goal is not to love or to hate him.

It's to have time for yourself to think about things you like no matter how trivial they seem.