Weight & Sex Life

[Hazely]

Me and my boyfriend are currently living together. I have found that I have become comfortable in the relationship and gone up a couple of dress sizes in the time we have been together and he has also put on alot of weight. However, his weight is affecting our sex life as he can't seem to function correctly and we haven't had sex in months as he has no drive to. I am also increasingly concerned about him having potential health issues and whilst I've raised my concern in a supportive way and encouraged change he is reluctant to eat healthier, stop drinking and hasn't yet started to exercise despite keep saying he will go to the gym. I have began being active myself in order to be healthier and I would love for him to join me but he won't and there is always an excuse. I love him so much and he is great in other ways but I'm only 27 and I don't know what to do. I am very much thinking towards my future, children etc but am worried I am waiting for a day that may not come.

There's a slim chance (excuse the pun) that he will follow your example if you continue with your healthy eating / exercise - however, you can't set the schedule for him, you've made the decision that enough's enough but it's not a unilateral decision for you to make - you can only make that decision for yourself, you don't get to decide it for him too.

Good for you that you want to get healthy and hopefully in his own time he will decide to do the same but you can't nag or cajole someone into a lifestyle change they're not ready to make.

I think you should make decisions based on the person in front of you right now as they are not if they change this or that. If you can't see future with this man as he is now then you know the answer. I wouldn't mention his weight as that's cruel and he knows. I'd say unhappy with sex life and our priorities in life has changed, don't want the same things.. that sort of thing but don't out right tell him he's fat and impotent that's too cruel.

He must be borderline obese if its not possible to have sex? That in itself would put me right off, but even more unattractive is his attitude. I doubt he will suddenly decide to lose weight, get fit and sort his erection problems out so you're probably better off cutting your losses and ending the relationship.

An otherwise healthy man who is merely borderline obese shouldn't have problems just because of this weight. I'm thinking of weight is the issue he is likely morbidly obese.

He's morbidly obese. As in his weight is starting to affect his health.

He needs to act now before he becomes severely diabetic, gets neuropathy, foot ulcers, heart disease etc.

If its already hindering his erections chances are diabetes is already a factor.

He won't change for you. This has to come from him.

Oh dear
you are FAR too young to be in a situation like this

your health is your wealth and you are an age where you will retire at 70 (sorry !) so many years to go

you can’t change him but you can change yourself
so get yourself healthy again and have a think of this is going to work …. I can’t see it personally

He is a) fat and unhealthy, b) sexually dysfunctional and c) won't take steps to deal with his problems. That's three major things wrong with him. He does not sound a good prospect for long term happiness.

From my own experience, losing weight is 90% about eating less. If he's grudgingly intending to go to the gym, he might as well not waste his money. Brisk walks and less sitting in the chair might be a safer way to start off.
Men seem to lose weight quite easily so if he could just try for one week and see results, that might spur him on.
Often, overeating in front of the tv is an easy habit to fall into. Now that lighter evenings are on the way, try to get out and about.

Study the nutrition information on food packets so you know what a sensible portion is. If you both eat vastly more than the recommended portions, maybe reduce down in stages so as it's not such a shock to him. Eg, two sausages is the recommended adult portion size. If you normally have four each, drop down to three. Put extra veg on the plate to compensate.

Could it be that it’s your weight gain that has affected your sex life, he may not be attracted to you.

I bet all my money that OP is more attractive than he is. I bet she has more chances to get a new partner than he ever will. This just from a mindset perspective alone but chances are 100% in terms of looks too.

He should thank his lucky stars she is still with him and trying to help. And he is tottaly taking her for granted not wanting to be more attractive for her and not wanting to lead a healthy life and build a future.

OP, I know it is hard since you are leaving together but taking a break might help him wake up and see what he is losing out. Focus on you.

Is there a polite way to encourage your partner to get their weight down without offending or making them feel insecure? I've tried all sorts of tactics but none are having the desired impact.