Husband’s Negativity - advice please

[Bruce123]

I’ve been with my husband for 23 years. Married for 5. He’s always been a glass half empty sort of chap and I’m the opposite but recently his negativity has really started to grate. He’s especially bitter and twisted about his employer- he’s a civil servant. At every opportunity he’ll moan about them. I’ve put up with this for years but what got to me is my daughter has started her first job. Instead of being keen and excited I could hear her parroting her father’s negativity! She was in a brand new job and completed defeated before she’d been there 2 weeks!

Ive suggested counselling for my husband’s extreme negativity. But he says “why should I go for counselling. I refuse to do it and just use passive resistance at every opportunity with my employer”. I’ve suggested finding a new job. No effort made there either !

I’m just sick of listening to the diatribe, day after day!

if it’s not the employer, it’s how rubbish Tesco’s online shopping is, or how the electricity distribution system has been allowed to go to rack and ruin, or how Royal mail don’t deliver every day, or, or or…
I could go on. And on.
How do I stop him moaning about stuff that he can’t or won’t do anything about?!

I was with my ex for 16 years and his negativity just increased and grated more as time passed. What began as being passionate about politics and injustice, which I admired - turned into nightly boring ranting about things I already agreed with but didn’t want to go over again and again. Like you, I tried to encourage him into doing something productive with his anger - volunteering, working in politics, anything. In my case it was all exacerbated by drinking nightly which was a different issue. But I feel your pain! No advice

Sounds familiar!
…and I appreciate it’s a bit hypocritical to moan on Mumsnet about the DH moaning!!

I understand, it's so wearing.

I'm with him about Royal Mail mind.

This is not easy - and wears you down

what happens if you say to him how his negativity is affecting you?
sometimes partners just don’t seem to register that their constant wittering / talking out loud has an impact on others

failing that I would ask him to see his GP about depression- he may or may not go but it may bring it home to him

the only thing we can control
in life is our own behaviour- his negativity is a choice ( unless he is clinically depressed)

Give it a try and I hope it improves

This sounds highly annoying. I’m a civil servant! Yes there’s a lot of frustration around red tape / processes but there’s little point constantly moaning. I totally agree if someone hates their employer so much they moan about it daily then they need to put their money when their mouth is and leave. Or try a government transfer, try a new department. I don’t know how you get him to change though OP. He doesn’t seem to think there’s anything wrong.

How do I stop him moaning about stuff that he can’t or won’t do anything about?!

You cant. But you can refuse to discuss it. You can tell him you wont be listening and leave the room.