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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to stop caring what ex does?

2 replies

MotherOfPuffling · 28/02/2023 16:00

Was with ex for years. He ended the relationship when DD was born. Since then I tried so hard to develop a decent friendship with him for DD’s sake. Have had enough now though. I just get used as an emotional support device, which isn’t friendship let’s face it. He’s got yet another new gf and I have said I can’t keep trying to be friends any more. He just shrugged and essentially said ‘whatever’. I’ve realised that I worked so hard at the friendship because my feelings never really changed. How on Earth do I get over this man? If a decade, endless cheating (revealed after the split), and his clear message that he doesn’t give a damn haven’t done it, what will? I am hoping that not seeing him except for a few seconds at drop off and pick up each week will help (he used to often stop for a cup of tea and to talk about DD but that’s not happening now at my request). I just don’t know what else I can do. And yea I know this is pathetic. Not helped by the fact that current health issues mean I can’t bury myself in work or exercise or going out with friends. And no finding someone else isn’t a viable option, I didn’t exactly attract men in my prime, and that was a long time ago. I just don’t know what to do and am sick of feeling so blasted sad all the time. And it’s not fair on DD to have an unhappy mum.

OP posts:
Ofcourseshecan · 28/02/2023 16:35

It's not pathetic, OP, and it sounds as if you're doing well bringing up DD by yourself. Your ex is the pathetic one, a total self-centred prick, who likes to keep you on a string as long as you're boosting his ego the whole time.

You're right that it's not good for you or DD if you're unhappy all the time. If health issues prevent you going out more, can you find new friends and interests online, or get back in contact with old friends? Can you get involved in activities with DD, and maybe make friends with her friends' mothers?

You're doing the right thing cutting contact with your ex to the minimum. It is the only way to move on. The contact you've had with him, since he dumped you with a newborn baby, has been all about him, his relationships, his needs and wishes. You may not realise how much that has been constantly draining your energy and preventing you moving on to a healthier life. Best of luck in finding happiness again without him bringing you down.

MotherOfPuffling · 03/03/2023 20:16

Thank you so much, @Ofcourseshecan , I really needed to hear that. I hadn’t even considered his actions in that light, but spoke to a couple of friends who have both agreed with you and didn’t realise I hadn’t twigged it for myself. Am going to keep trying, thank you.

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