Blended Family

[Thankyounext2023]

I'm in a blended family of myself and my two children and my partner and his two children. My children live with us 100% of the time and his 50/50.

Just looking for people in similar situations and reassurance really on how its normal to feel in this situation and any helpful advice.

All children are mid teens and get on remarkably well however a few issues we encounter, his children have always got what they want whereas my children never ask for anything as they know money has been a lot tighter for me, his children also get outings and holidays from their mum (my children don't really see their dad as he stopped making an effort and moved away) This is in no way the fault of my partner so don't flame me as just trying to give a full picture.

We tend to arrange any outings when we have all the children together as I have always felt this is the fairest way as even though we have my two all the time I wouldn't want to leave his out by arranging things when his kids weren't here.

So I've been told his kids have asked to go to the cinema, my partner mentioned it to me and I reminded him that we all went out last week and spent a lot of money so I don't think its necessary so soon after.

my partner made a point of saying its a particular film that he has always done with his kids in the past and I get what he is saying (he's thinking of taking his kids on a day when my two are working). No problem however I cant help feeling bad for my two who will be working whilst his kids get an fun outing paid for, my kids don't get activities with their other parent ever but his do and we don't do anything with my two when his kids aren't there as I wouldn't want to leave his kids out.

I don't know why I'm posting as I know I'm being unreasonable feeling this way however I just want situations to relate to and how to deal with this feeling in the future and express myself and take any advice. I know i can take my kids out separately however I have a much lower income than my partner and would not be able to keep up.

Really though - if your teens are old enough to be working then they’re old enough to the themselves to the cinema or out with friends.
At some point they won’t want to do as much with the other kids anyway .
I don’t think you should insist on all kids having the same days out etc - you wouldn’t do that in a non blended family when there are different ages to accommodate

OK - a different perspective for you to think about.
I am divorced and kids go between me and my Ex. He has a partner who has her kids 50/50. He, like you - tries to arrange all events together with the whole blended family on his side. I think it’s easier for him this way.

What this means to my kids is that they never have their own time with their other parent. They miss their time with him and would have preferred to do more with him/his partner, (if she must be there - as they get along well) - but without the other kids.

Why can't you just date without the blended families aspect? Are you unable to manage financially on your ownThis is exactly why people want to keep their children separate to those of their partners.

I would have a conversation where you ask him if it's ok that
His kids get treated sometimes so
It's ok if just your kids get treated sometimes also
And then sometimes you'll do it as a big family.

Make it clear that it has to be fair, and that you need to keep a check, as the kids will!