I’ve been with my partner for 22 years. No kids, just the 2 of us. We’ve lived in a foreign country for the majority of our relationship and we practically built everything from scratch. Recently we managed to buy our first home, which we are still renovating while living in rental. We’re roughly paying 50/50 for everything. The house renovation has been eating our savings and my idea of having some leftover money when we moved in has gone out the window. My parents have been insisting on gifting us an important amount to repair in the house. It was all a matter of practicality till I sorted out a bank account in the right currency.
The other day my partner told me in passing that he may need to take up a loan to finish the house. The following day, after me having been out all day working and extra job to supplement our income, he tells me he took a 25k loan. I was not please at all especially because he did not even consult me about it. He insists he told me the day before, however the opportunity of the loan presented itself that very morning as he was moving money between bank accounts.
I was really annoyed that he could not wait for me to get home and about the fact he did not involve me in the decision making.
I am all over it now, can’t stay annoyed forever, but it just feels that this is no partnership. We are generally giving each other a lot of freedom, we do not need to ask for permission when we buy ourselves things, even more on the expensive side. If I say I want to purchase something and he will say we don’t need it I will get it anyway and he will end up saying what a good idea it was, every single time.
He, on the other hand, will purchase staff and I will only know it when I see it at the door. This dynamic hasn’t really bothered us over the years, but surely, taking a significant loan surely should have been discussed between us? He insists he will pay for it, as it is his own money.
Can I have some thoughts on this?