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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Life 360 tracking - controlling behaviour?

21 replies

Definitelynotme2022 · 28/02/2023 09:30

Dh and I are having a huge marriage crisis at the moment.

He has always insisted on tracking me, currently using Life 360 as I was using it for the kids (not constantly checking, for safety reasons). Would you find this controlling behaviour? I hate it personally but turning it off will lead to an explosion from him.

So as not to drip feed, there is massive back history of inappropriate behaviour from both of us which we have drawn a line under. We had relationship counselling a few years ago and had been ticking along nicely until recently. Been together for 20 years with 2 dc's.

OP posts:

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 09:33

No I wouldn't be OK with this

Turn it off

BigGreen · 28/02/2023 09:37

Sorry, what? You have to let him track your whereabouts or he will explode with anger? This is so far from normal. You should leave and do so very carefully if you suspect that he would harm you in any way.

SomeareDeluded · 28/02/2023 09:38

Yes, if nothing to hide on your part why worry? My main concern would be battery drainage and if he is tracking you because he is up to something inappropriate hence needing to know where you are at any given time. Do you ever check his whereabouts?

Polis · 28/02/2023 09:40

I wouldn’t be that happy with insistence, but neither of us have a history of inappropriate behaviour.

Simply having tracking turned on doesn’t bother me. It’s useful.

LadyDanburysHat · 28/02/2023 09:48

We have Life 360 as a family, because DD lost her phone once. We only use it to check things like, is husband still at supermarket, I can text him and ask him to get something else. Kids check on us to see if we are arriving to pick them up from somewhere.

If I switched it off my husband might wonder why, but he wouldn't explode. This is not normal. Turn it off.

lap90 · 28/02/2023 09:54

I wouldn't want it but i have read some people on here have it.

Original poster

Definitelynotme2022 · 28/02/2023 10:01

I don't think for one second that he would ever physically harm me. He does have a very nasty temper though, says the most awful things in an argument.

I rarely check where he is, I have the notifications for him turned off too. He generally works an hour or so away from home, so occasionally I'll look to see if he's on his way home for timing of dinner.

I'm office based. So I'm either in the office, at home or visiting my elderly father in the nursing home. I don't actually have anything outside of that.

OP posts:

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 10:12

@SomeareDeluded

I don't have anything to hide but I wouldn't put up with dh tracking me.

Why would he need to?

dizzydizzydizzy · 28/02/2023 10:21

I would hate to be tracked, OP. Even though I have nothing to hide. We have a Ring camera on our front door and I hate the fact that the rest of the family can watch me as I'm going in and out.

You DH should not be shouting at you. My DP has temper tantrums at me too, but would also not physically hurt me. I told my GP about his temper outbursts and she told me it was domestic abuse and put me in touch with Women's Aid. I thought she was overreacting to be honest but I now realise she wasn't. I have been in a Women's Aid course and I have an outreach worker who I speak to regularly.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/02/2023 10:36

I presume he is not insisting on his movements being tracked like this so why is this apparently acceptable to him re yourself. He has you in a gilded cage of his own paranoid making.

Why are you still with this man?. Its a fine line too between verbal and physical abuse in that neither are acceptable are both are examples of domestic abuse.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE. A lesson also that your DC also need to learn with such urgency because they could well go onto have relationships like this too.

billy1966 · 28/02/2023 10:44

You are in a highly abusive relationship with a nasty emotionally abusive man that you are afraid of.

You need to talk to Women's aid.

You are hugely down playing how abusive he is.

Your poor children living in that environment.

You deserve better.

nc1013 · 28/02/2023 10:47

I have absolutely nothing to hide but there's no way I'd let anyone track me. More out of principle and to show them I'm bit theirs to control. If someone didn't trust me I wouldn't be with them

Seaoftroubles · 28/02/2023 12:12

Not OK, and you know this really. I agree with @billy1966 you are in an abusive relationship, please seek advice from Womens Aid.

OutOfThisState · 28/02/2023 12:27

We all have ‘find my’ on our phones, but no one insists on it and everyone is happy with it, me, my partner, adult and teen kids.

His temper, him saying awful things in arguments and you having to do things his way for fear of him exploding are not acceptable behaviours in a healthy, loving relationship. He is abusive and I think things would escalate if you stopped keeping the peace.

It’s no way to live. There’s a better life out there for you without him.

Travelfan2021 · 28/02/2023 12:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

OrlandointheWilderness · 28/02/2023 12:34

Hard no from me. I have this app to keep an eye on DD (11) walking to school bus and my mum also is in our group. I had to hide my location as my very normal, lovely DM turned into my stalker! 😂 I certainly would not have a DP on it. I am very boring and completely up to nothing at all but having had controlling partners in the past it is a line for me.

Zebratan · 28/02/2023 12:47

No, I'm an adult and don't need anyone keeping tabs in me.

I don't think for one second that he would ever physically harm me. He does have a very nasty temper though

The only woman I know who's husband tracked her went on to beat the crap out of her and she now lives in hiding.

Watchkeys · 28/02/2023 12:49

If you don't like it, tell him. If he refuses to stop, he's disrespecting you. He's disregarding your feelings. Why would you want a relationship with someone who disregards your feelings?

Somanycats · 28/02/2023 12:52

Look you hate your husband so why are you still with him?
But everyone I know has life360 or similar on their phone willingly in a freinds and family group. The problem isn't the find my friends type app, its your relationship.

Naunet · 28/02/2023 18:30

Fuck that, I’m no man’s property and would never let him track me against my wishes like I was his pet.

username1722 · 28/02/2023 22:30

I hate it personally but turning it off will lead to an explosion from him.

This is a HUGE red flag. You shouldn't be scared that he's going to have an angry outburst.

there is massive back history of inappropriate behaviour from both of us which we have drawn a line under.

Have you actually drawn a line under it? Doesn't seem like you have if you're both tracking each other.

I would not accept this behaviour at all. For me, I would just accept that the marriage was over and move on. You've both hurt each other, and now you're continuing to hurt each other in new ways. Sometimes relationships are just broken beyond repair. I know you have kids together but that's not a good enough reason to stay. Is this the type of behaviour you want your kids to be engaging in when they're older?

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