Help me predict the future here

[Tanaria]

A couple, together for almost 20 years, live a long distance apart, engaged for over 5 years.

A large age gap of 10+ years; he is the younger one at 50y.o. Both successful in their careers, but he is the higher flyer and works hard in his job, including evenings, weekends and part of his annual leave. He has a hobby, which he does alone or in small groups and which takes him away for a day or so at a time. He wants to travel by himself occasionally and there is friction over this.

She wants to get married as soon as possible, but he refuses until both have lived together for a while - something which will not happen for another few years. The pandemic meant both lived together for a few months and he admitted afterwards he was glad to have his space back to himself. Everyday personality differences, e.g. over shopping habits and housework, of which he does most, including cooking and most of the cleaning.

Predict the future with me, please, wise mumsnetters. Does this have a future? How will this end? (I have my suspicions, but I am neither party in this, only involved as a concerned friend.)

It doesn't look like it has a future. He admitted he was glad to get his own space back after a few month, doesn't look likely he'll want to move in any time soon.

There are vague plans to move in once she retires, but that, for me, is another point of concern, given he will still work 10+ more years after that - I can imagine this would build resentment?

He’s quite happy with the status quo for now so I guess it depends on how long she’s willing to wait.

I wouldn’t spend too much time thinking about it, she’s a grown woman who presumably would ask for your opinion or a run down of your ‘points of concern’ if she wanted it.

Who are these people? If it's not you, then it's not your business.
But heck, she's wasted her whole life waiting for that one.

This is just rather hopeless sounding but it’s been her choice to spend 20 years on this guy so it must have suited her. Hard to see how but there it is.

That was my stance until now. But now she's starting to think about retirement and I just cannot see it working out for them. I am concerned that she will end up having wasted her time to find a suitable partner while she still could.

Yes, it's none of my business, but as friends we deal with the fallout eventually, don't we.

Neither of them want a conventional relationship if this is what they were happy with for 20 years.
It also seems strange that all of a sudden she wants to marry and live together - where they haven’t really bothered before.
So - no, I don’t think one can this drastically alter the terms of a king time arrangement that they had for 20 years.

Neither of them want a conventional relationship if this is what they were happy with for 20 years. I'm not sure she was happy. She seemed to play along, because of geographical separation and his wishes. Now she wants to tie him down and, to me, he doesn't seem to really want that.

There is no future in this.
Certainly no happiness for either of them.

A big gap 10 years+ when a woman is older than a man often doesn't work as naturally a man wants a woman of his generation or younger as his wife.

It’s a shame she didn’t have the confidence to look elsewhere for a partner.

He needs to be honest with the woman, she’s basing her future on vague promises.

she’s basing her future on vague promises

Yes. It sounds cliche but I do believe if he wanted to marry her he would have done it; he only proposed after being put on the spot. He'll just string her along until it gets serious (or until a big knock happens; bereavement, say - both still have both sets of parents alive) and then that'll be it, won't it?

Or until he meets someone he does want to marry.
My guess is she will be 10+ years younger.

Nope. Future faking.