Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Should I be worried???

24 replies

Dancemum27 · 27/02/2023 18:20

My boyfriend arranged to do something with his best friend. They agreed to head to the cinema. When he was telling me what they were watching, he told me that his friend’s girlfriend and her female friend were also going. Should I be worried.

It was only last week that I suggested that we do something, head to town for drinks or a meal but he said no due to us saving.

Maybe am over thinking things!!!

OP posts:

Oneofakind1 · 27/02/2023 18:21

Well that’s not very fair on you is it? He can afford to go out with them but not you? I would ask him about it.

OhNoNotThatAgain · 27/02/2023 18:23

So they are all going out together, basically as a foursome?

I wouldn't be at all thrilled about that, no.

mycatsanutter · 27/02/2023 18:26

I'm not a jealous person , but no that wouldn't sit right with me at all

IsItMeOrEveryoneElse · 27/02/2023 18:27

Why wernt you invited?

Aquamarine1029 · 27/02/2023 18:28

Tell him to have fun on his date and then block his arse.

Bunnyishotandcross · 27/02/2023 18:38

So he has gone on a double date?

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/02/2023 18:50

How did it come about? Unless it was prearranged for the four of them then I can’t see he’s done anything especially wrong. If the girlfriend just announced as his friend was leaving the house “oh, I thought I’d join you and said to my friend Brenda that she could come too”, what’s your boyfriend meant to do? Tell the girlfriend and Brenda to fuck off?

It sounds like the bigger issue is that he’s opting not to do things with you to save money but then going out and spending money with his friends instead. I’d make that the topic of conversation, not being worried that Brenda tagged along in a cinema trip.

RunTowardsTheLight · 27/02/2023 18:51

I'd be cross about this. Why is it ok for him to spend money going out with his friends but not going out with you? That would bother me more than the "double date" aspect.

Original poster

Dancemum27 · 27/02/2023 18:52

So it’s not just me that foursome/ double date came to mind with!

I mean it’s not really a film I want to watch and I told him have fun until he said his maté’s girlfriend and her friend were coming. Now it’s playing on my mind a little.

This was meant to be a boys catch up, so I don’t understand why he agreed to the girlfriend and her mate tagging along.

I don’t think he knows who this mate is of the girlfriend. I don’t want to ask either!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Dancemum27 · 27/02/2023 18:53

I should say it isn’t today. It’s Thursday

OP posts:

Arthurflecksfacepaint · 27/02/2023 18:54

So why hasn’t he invented you along too?

I’d just ask him that.

DevantMaJardin · 27/02/2023 18:54

WTAF you're all being ridiculous.

PretendingToBeStupid · 27/02/2023 19:01

I'm betting the other bloke is henpecked and couldn't say no to his bird. So her bringing her friend is a way to give her someone to talk to so the boys can chat.

I'll admit I wouldn't be happy though.

Original poster

Dancemum27 · 27/02/2023 20:09

Maybe yes, the fact that I’ve only meet the girlfriend a few time, and we get on (well I thought we did!) am surprised she didn’t say why doesn’t your girlfriend (me) come.

Yes I have work Friday, and have 2 children (boyfriend isn’t the dad) but my kids are 13 and 17 so not like I can’t leave them or need a sitter.

OP posts:

1FootInTheRave · 27/02/2023 20:12

So he's out on a double date and can't afford to go out with you?

Wtf.

Pseudonamed · 28/02/2023 04:49

If dp came to me and said him, his friend, girlfriend and her friend were going out somewhere together he would be my ex dp. Thats a double date and he is being disrespectful to your relationship.

rainbowstardrops · 28/02/2023 05:54

I have no idea if you have reason to be worried about the girlfriend's friend but I'd be pretty bloody pissed off that he wouldn't spend money going out with you but he can go out with his mate! He's either saving, or he's not saving. He wants it both ways.

Watchkeys · 28/02/2023 06:52

Why do you think there's a 'should'? Who's in charge of changing your feelings to what they 'should' be? What other feelings do you think you 'should' have?

There are no 'should's. Any more than 'You should like broccoli' or 'You should like motor racing'.

The fact is, you do feel worried. Don't deal with what you think you should feel, it's irrelevant. Deal with what you do feel. We don't know if he's up to anything. You have to communicate with him and make your own decision about whether you can live with his behaviour/your suspicion.

Nobody can advise you on your situation, except to say look after yourself, and that includes looking after your feelings, as they are. He might be screwing both girls at once. He might be completely innocent. Talk to him. If you can't come to a satisfactory conclusion, the relationship is over. It's that simple.

TedMullins · 28/02/2023 07:02

The presence of another woman doesn’t automatically make it a double date ffs. So in that respect I think you’re being ridiculous. You also said you don’t want to see the film, so it sounds like it was open for you to come but you said no?

I would be annoyed at him saying no to doing stuff with me but going out with other people instead though.

Original poster

Dancemum27 · 28/02/2023 08:53

I was never invited, he said he was catching up with his friend. Then the other day said he’s going to the cinema and his friends girlfriend and her mate was going too.

The film isn’t what I would want to watch, my point I guess is that I think it’s a little bit of a piss take.

OP posts:

Aprilx · 28/02/2023 10:34

I think you are being a bit daft with looking at it as a “double date”, it sounds like the friends girlfriend decided to tag along and then her friend wanted to see the film too.

What would bother me is that he won’t spend money going out with you, but he will spend money going out with friends.

MerryChristmasToYou · 28/02/2023 10:40

Do you live with him?
Have you been together long?

whattodo1975 · 28/02/2023 10:46

Devils advocate here.

Him and his friend arrange cinema trip.
Friends gf took the hump about him doing something with a friend and not with her.
Friend didn't want to cancel, but also didn't want gf to be in a mood.
"why don't you come along to cinema?"
"I'm not going with just you and your mate"
"Ok well see if your friend wants to come too".

I am going to suggest that your boyfriend had no involvement in this 2nd woman coming along and its all just an complicated way of his friend trying to keep his gf happy.

housemaus · 28/02/2023 12:02

I can't really see the problem, to be honest.

If you're annoyed about him doing something when you're supposed to be saving, then that's fair enough, but the girlfriend and her friend coming aren't relevant to that issue?

I'm baffled by people assuming it's 'like a double date'. Do none of you socialise with people of the opposite sex?

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread