Why am I not over this?

[Captone]

Was in a v intense relationship and it all ended quite badly a year ago. I know he is really wrong for me, and I cut all contact.
We have mutual friends and there's an event next month which will be the first time seeing him in a year. I've deleted his number and done my best to forget he exists.

Why does it still hurt? It's been a whole year, I don't want to be with him, I don't want him in my life but I just feel utterly depressed at the thought of seeing him again. I think I'd feel a bit deflated if he has a new partner, which doesn't make any sense because I don't want to be either him, he was a nightmare.

I'm contemplating missing the event which seems silly at this point (I've bailed on others before now but this is a big one).

Why do I feel like this?

Time heals. Intense relationships especially. I spent the better part of my 20s getting over a particularly intense relationship that ended after about 9 months. 5 years to heal 9 months was a bad investment! But you can help by doing things that are good for you - exercise, learning, constructive hobbies, these help. Dissipation (drinking, drugs, inertia with tv or games) makes it worse I think.

What you want with your heart and what you want with your head can be very different things. This isn't unusual.

It will be tough, but likely a watershed moment where you deal with some stuff you've pushed down, after the day. It gets better.

But he does exist and seeing people inevitably makes it easier, because it's the what if that's bothering you. The unknown..chances are if you see this person it'll move on pretty quickly, have that conversation you're dreading. Even the assumed contact at the event may not even happen because perhaps they won't be there either.

Thanks so much, these are all really helpful points. I think you're right, if I do actually see him it might help me move on but it's so true about head and heart not being aligned!