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Original poster

How early did you know he was 'the one'

49 replies

Rupiduti · 27/02/2023 07:22

Obviously I know things can happen hence the one being in inverted commas. But I often see on these threads people saying thar 4 months is nothing etc... and whilst I agree that's a short time in the grand scheme and perhaps introducing kids that soon isn't ideal. But if no kids involved etc... and you spend a lot of time with one another, how soon did you (think) you knew he was the one?

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 27/02/2023 13:09

I knew from before the first date. We'd known each other socially for a few years but it wasn't straightforward.

He told me he loved me. I panicked because I've got a shit relationship history and I was worried I wouldn't be able to commit (never done so before).

We spoke about it for a couple of weeks before we went on our first proper date and, by the time we did, I knew that I was prepared to commit to him and that it would be a long term thing.

sunglassesonthetable · 27/02/2023 13:20

Straight away. And it sounds ridiculous.And I've turned this over and analysed this in my head for years. 27 actually. But I knew.

28January · 27/02/2023 13:20

A few hours. We met at a party where I arrived with someone else and moved in together two days later (we were both living overseas at the time), married two years later. We have been happily married for 32 years this year with three, now adult, kids.

GrilledBear · 27/02/2023 14:39

Reality check. What about all the times we thought they were the one and then they weren't?
I imagine most marry with the intention of staying together but look at levels of divorce. One might think they have found the one but the other may not necessarily feel this way about us.
I think there are more false 's/he's the one' than accurate ones that live happily ever after, 30 years + later (cause it ain't over until it is and many a supposedly happy couple end up finding out about an affair or something).

GrilledBear · 27/02/2023 14:41

This would be love bombing and a red flag lol. Dating is a minefield and I think my last stunt of OLD has made me sour. I'll bow out of this romantic thread as don't want to bring the energy down (further).

mdh2020 · 27/02/2023 15:17

our eyes met across the room and I knew. We started dating the following week and were married within a year. I don’t understand people who take months or even years to make up their minds.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 27/02/2023 15:26

He’s not the one.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 27/02/2023 15:28

I was in love by 3 months in. But didn't know him well enough to commit to him until 3-4 years. But the time we married at 7 years there wasn't a scrap of doubt. 20 years in we're still solid.

RunTowardsTheLight · 27/02/2023 15:28

We'd been together for a couple of years before I knew for sure. We've been married for 19 years now.

redspottedmug · 27/02/2023 15:30

24 hours tops. We had been friends/colleagues for a couple of years though.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 27/02/2023 15:31

mdh2020 · 27/02/2023 15:17

our eyes met across the room and I knew. We started dating the following week and were married within a year. I don’t understand people who take months or even years to make up their minds.

I would have said by 6 months I wanted to marry him. I knew what my heart was telling me.
But you are definitely still getting to know each other so early on in a relationship.
Whether you get to know each other within a marriage and get lucky there are no nasty surprises, or whether you do that without marrying isn't important, though one is a riskier choice.
Not sure why that's hard to understand. 🤷

momtoboys · 27/02/2023 15:49

I knew my DH would be the person I would marry on our 2nd date. If there really is "the one" and you are talking about head over heels in love, he is not it for me. That was a man from a previous relationship. My DH is however, a wonderful man, wonderful husband and very involved father to our boys. I am very lucky I met him when I did.

80s · 27/02/2023 15:59

I knew it when we had an argument, and I said we should break up, but he said that relationships were something you should work on. I realised then how mature he was, and how committed to a proper, adult relationship. We moved in together, married, two children; twenty years. Affair, divorced, and I realised he had been lazy, selfish and disrespectful all along and just tells people whatever it takes to get them to like him.

Current dp, I thought we'd last a summer as we were so different: nothing in common at all. Good for a laugh, but didn't take anything seriously. Took me ages to see past my own biases and work out that you can be cheerful but still have a thoughtful side, or irreverent yet respectful.

So go for the gut feeling if you are any good at that sort of thing. Otherwise maybe just wait a bit before committing to anything.

Crunchingleaf · 27/02/2023 17:25

I first met my DH when I was late teens. There was always something about him and I did my best to keep him at arms length as I just knew that I if we got together it would be it but I had a tough enough childhood so was in self destruct mode and being with a good man scared me.
I moved away for work and ended up having my eldest DC with a complete arsehole. That relationship ended and I was single for a few years until I went back home one weekend and there in front of me was my now DH.
Any other guy my gut feeling was something was off, but my relationship with my husband just feels right.

GreyCarpet · 27/02/2023 17:36

GrilledBear · 27/02/2023 14:39

Reality check. What about all the times we thought they were the one and then they weren't?
I imagine most marry with the intention of staying together but look at levels of divorce. One might think they have found the one but the other may not necessarily feel this way about us.
I think there are more false 's/he's the one' than accurate ones that live happily ever after, 30 years + later (cause it ain't over until it is and many a supposedly happy couple end up finding out about an affair or something).

I obviously can't speak for anyone else but I've never considered anyone a long term prospect before.

I've always known that it wasn't right and that this wasn't the person I was supposed to be with. Even my now adult son says that I've probably always had one foot out of the door in every relationship and he's right.

He also knew it was different with this man. He's not perfect but he's also everything I've ever wanted 🤷🏻‍♀️

cravingtoblerone · 27/02/2023 17:50

About 7 years! But admittedly we met when we were at school and lost touch in our late teens. Only happened once we met up again in our 20's.... 😁

WisherWood · 27/02/2023 18:00

Reality check. What about all the times we thought they were the one and then they weren't?

This. There's an awful lot of observation bias when it comes to the idea of having met 'the one'. It's all verification, no falsification. I met the one at university. And then I met another 'the one' a couple of years later. I was a little less certain that time, having not been right the first time. After a while, you realise you can get that instant zing of attraction and feel comfortable with them, but it isn't necessarily reciprocated and if it is, it doesn't necessarily last.

I knew I found my DP interesting when I first set eyes on him. Took about a year before I started dating him. Was pretty sure when I did date him that we would stay the course but I knew from experience to be a bit careful. We've been together a good few years now and he is very definitely the love of my life. If I believed in soulmates, he'd be mine. But a lot of that is because neither of us really believe in pie in the sky nonsense and we're just glad we're both geeky left-wing vegetarians, as it makes us much more compatible in the long run.

curtaintwitcher23 · 27/02/2023 18:37

We had been messaging after finding a massive spark OLD when we were both extremely jaded by previous experiences, he left me a voice note and honestly as soon as I heard his voice I knew he was my person.
We both sort of did and were then terrified to actually meet in case it wasn't what we thought.
It was !
Date 3 he told me he was falling in love with me, I tried very hard not to say it back.
All I can say is it felt and 7 years later still does, like with each other we are the absolute best versions of ourselves we have always meant to be.
We didn't introduce each other's existence to kids for 12 months which was very difficult but definitely worth it.

Original poster
Rupiduti · 27/02/2023 20:09

Wednesdaysotherchild · 27/02/2023 15:26

He’s not the one.

Who isn't?

OP posts:
Wednesdaysotherchild · 28/02/2023 11:38

@Rupiduti my DP!

GarveySister · 28/02/2023 11:42

I knew after 6 months of dating my now DH that I felt very strongly about him and wanted things to be serious. He felt the same. We didn’t rush things, though. Didn’t move into together for 2 years. After 4 years we were married and had DC1. That felt quick enough.

I’d had passionate affairs that moved quickly before. I wanted to make sure this one was right.

Been happily married for 22 years, so it worked out.

Travelfan2021 · 28/02/2023 11:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

electricmoccasins · 28/02/2023 12:07

There’s a saying:
’I didn’t marry you because you were the one;
you are the one because I married you’

sunglassesonthetable · 28/02/2023 12:18

’I didn’t marry you because you were the one;
you are the one because I married you’

Love it😁

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