Accusations, ex’s family

[Newmnname5]

DD’s father and I are divorced. DD is late teens.

I was talking with ex sister in law earlier. It was pretty heated, ex is having to sell the marital home soon, he is the victim in all this, he’s not but there we are.

The conversation then went along the lines of that ex doesn’t believe he was the father of a baby we lost during pregnancy as we apparently weren’t having sex at the time [hmmm]

So she then went in to say that she is going to talk to my DD and her father and suggest they take a DNA test. She states that DD doesn’t look like her father!

I told her several times I have never been unfaithful, but she won’t listen. Clearly the ex has spoken to her, he reckons he has worked it out?! Based on what exactly?

They are talking rubbish. I really don’t want DD putting through this, she’s got enough with the house sale.

Ex won’t talk to me so I can’t even rant at him about it.

Don’t really know what I’m expecting, just needed to get it out. So angry and upset.

Tell her to fuck off? Why are you engaging with this woman?

I know you are right @AlmostaMamma. Her soul purpose is to attempt to destroy mine and DD’s relationship, or that’s what it feels like.

So I feel that I need to try and fight my corner in order to try and minimise any damage she could do.

You can’t minimise any damage by speaking to her, though. It’s a pointless energy drain. You never need to speak to this toxic idiot again. So, don’t.

If you want to safeguard your relationship with DD, then focus your energies on her. If necessary, explain the situation to her before SIL and your ex do.

Check if DD needs consent by you to do DNA before 18

Why would you even speak to this woman? Block her and forget she exists. If you have divorced her brother, you never need to speak to such a nasty ignorant person ever again.

Op, FGS, don't you realise that by trying to "fight your corner" you only give these idiots more ammunition? Block and ignore. They are pricks who are cut from the same cloth.

Surely, the relationship that is going to be destroyed is your dd's relationship with her father?

A friend of mine has a dd who does not look in any way like him and his gf got pregnant very quickly after they started going out. One day his sister, who was studying genetics suggested doing a paternity test and he absolutely refused because he loves the child.

What others have said is absolutely right. There is nothing to be gained by arguing with people who are only interested in creating drama triangles where you appear to be the bad guy.

Block her. Talk only to your daughter. If they are stupid and petty enough to bring this up with your daughter, tell her calmly that you won't object if she wants to oblige him in getting a test done as you already know what the result will be but you're saddened that he is demanding one as you can't see any genuine reason for your ex to distrust that she is his daughter.

DNA tests are no big deal, it's a mouth swab, I believe. If you seem upset or panicked by the request, your daughter will be unsettled and it will become a bigger thing than it needs to be. If you treat it as a total non-event other than bemusement that her father feels it necessary at all, she will see quite clearly who is generating the drama in your relationship with your ex.

I understand your annoyance but the only response to her idiocy is to laugh out loud. Some people are just desperate to broadcast their vindictive side.

Thanks all. I will take @CheekyHobson‘s advice re staying calm about it.

Then when they are proved wrong I’ll tell
them to fuck off.

If your DD is willing I would do the test - then when you are proved right you and your DD can both block ex sister-in-law, because if I were your DD I would find it unforgivable for her so-called Aunt to suggest such a thing. Let your horrible ex-sister-in-law show herself up for the pointless troublemaker that she is.

You can tell them all to fuck off now. You don’t need to wait. You don’t need to engage with them any further, test or no test.

@AlmostaMamma I wish I’d have done that yesterday!

Have to admit, I woke up this morning and was like, what in the Jeremy Kyle?! 😂

It’s a new day! 😁 They can carry on being trash pandas. Nothing to do with you! Good luck.

Don’t try to justify yourself to these people.
I would block them all.
If they go ahead with the DNA test you will be proved right without having to have said a single word.
And unless there are massive genuine apologies to follow the result, I wouldn’t ever talk to them again.
Repulsive people.
Presumably this is your home being sold too, so also upsetting for you?
I hope you have some good friends to take you out and take your mind off it until it’s resolved. X

Thank you @AlmostaMamma

@Catoo, nope, there will absolutely not need to be any apologies. Well not from me anyway. I may be a lot of things but unfaithful is not one of them.

No, not my home. He stayed in the marital
home, we have been divorced for several years but due to a mesher order is only
just now being sold.

Thank you. I do have some lovely rl support x

I meant apologies from them to you!
They would have to be grovelling and effusive for me to forgive this very basic crap they are pulling.

Dignified silence OP all the way.

So glad you have some good people around to laugh it off with. Hope DD is strong too.
x

@Catoo oh!! Yes well, any decent person would be apologising, we are not dealing with decent here however.

I’m sure that when the results are back proving what I already know re DD, they will still continue to believe that the baby I miscarried was not his.

TBH I don’t care about that. They can think what they like.
x

You don't need to prove them wrong. Tell them to fuck off.

You must be really starting to feel the benefits of leaving the family @Newmnname5 it sounds extremely toxic.

I’d be tempted to tell your DD before they speak to her. That way you can warn her

@Thepurplelantern, I left 10 years ago. You’d have thought they would have settled down by now 😣 it will be better once the house is sold and the DNA is done, if that is what DD’s father decides.

I was thinking about that @AngelDelightUK

I’m sure that when the results are back proving what I already know re DD, they will still continue to believe that the baby I miscarried was not his.

TBH I don’t care about that.

I don’t think I could stop myself caring if my deceased baby’s father had disavowed them. It seems like a gross insult to your child’s memory.

I realise you can’t stop your ex from thinking or claiming what he likes, so perhaps you are just expressing a radical level of acceptance of his faults and the fact that there is no way of proving him wrong like there is with your living child.

But if your ex is grim enough to tell your daughter that he doesn’t believe her brother or sister was his child, I think it would be worth telling her something like the above instead of saying you don’t care what he thinks. I suspect you probably do care, but recognise your total inability to change your ex’s paranoid thinking or utterly indecent behaviour.

@CheekyHobson you are right, I absolutely do care. I don’t have the energy to argue with them though.

I guess I’m being a bit cavalier about it. I’ve swung from being upset to having a fuck it attitude since last night.

I'd be telling the ex sil that you wish your daughter was someone else's cos then neither you or your daughter would have such a nasty, toxic bitch such as her in your lives, infact you're now choosing to not have her in your lives anyway and block the bitch.