Late 30s men

[Yesyoudo5]

Ok, am I being mad but on dating apps are a lot (appreciate not all)... late 30s men terrible?

There's so many (definitely more than in late 20s when last looking) who are:

• avoidently attached (but you might only realise after a fight, even it is a year in and they abruptly leave)

• Peter Pans - "out with mates every night"... um, you're nearly 40

• commitementphobes

• Emotionally unavailable

(I appreciate these all fall under a similar bracket)

• alholics... work/drug/alco

• just a bit, um, 'quirky'

• NOT OVER THE EX... I think these ones could be good but there's a limited frame between being emotionally available to date and being before snatched up

Is it just a case of declining supply and the good ones have largely being taken by this age?

The quality of all men of all ages has dramatically decreased, especially over the last 15 years where the Tinder culture has created a throw away human society. After all just swipe for another hook up, there is not much incentive to be ones best self. Men were already on a slippery slope before, but now there is nothing holding them down.
Yes there will always be those rare "good men" but finding them in today's world in infinitely harder than before. I also expect the highest calibre of a male specimen won't be hanging around on an online dating site. The real world is still your best chance of meeting the genuine gentleman, but I appreciate that is harder in today's world.

Dating is hard, and it gets harder when you’re older. I can tell you that many men would say the same about women in their late 30s too.

Your comments aren’t unreasonable, but it works both ways.

I probably tick a few of those bullet points. Have been told i have 'potential'. 42 and dated on and off the last 4 years.

If not too long out of a long term relationship could be juggling work, kids on weekends and hobbies/ friends. Probably don't want the drain of something too full on when potentially dealing with a difficult ex (if kids involved).

Would assume this changes when kids get older and hobbies become less important. Or at least that's my outlook 🤷‍♂️

Re "not over the ex", I think it's different parts at play: they might not emotionally be over it and jumping into a relationship too soon (e.g. a lot of ex chat/clearly rebounding as breakup too soon) or "arghh my ex is stressful". I've not experienced the latter. Nor would I discount fathers or fathers who prioritised their child above me (I would dads who didn't make their children's welfare their main concern).

Yep the decent ones OP are most likely in solid relationships with the mother of their young children.

Ones on dating apps are the rejects.

Any decent late 30s who find themselves single likely to be snapped up.in real life with little need to go through app dating.

I don't fully agree. I think some men must be good and just, due to circumstance (surprise breakup/divorce/widowhood) be single. And I don't don't blame the apps per se, although I do think meeting someone when there's a mutual connecting makes it harder to end things/piss someone around. The apps (at least in the early stages enable more disposability). I think it's more that there's a declining pool. Although I do still hear of new, successful relationships being formed in this age bracket all the time!

There were a lot of spelling errors in that!

@Bunbuns3
The quality of all men of all ages has dramatically decreased, especially over the last 15 years where the Tinder culture has created a throw away human society

I disagree. I think there are 2 separate issues

Firstly men have always been shit, but women have had far less choices in life and many used to stay in shit relationships because they had far less earning power and were less clued up on their rights; there was also much more stigma in being a single mum, or in fact just being single.

Secondly, the increasingly instant gratification nature of our society has led both men and women into a mindset where they believe they have unlimited choice and are entitled to find their ideal partner, even if they themselves have a less than ideal personality.

Generally speaking men will meet the standard set out by women and women's standards in men is getting worse by the day.

I'm seeing a man who is 39 and he's the best thing since sliced bread.