First date nerves….. eeek

[Grenola]

Please give me your advice and tips for first dates nerves….
im proper nervous and it’s hours till I go out!

I don’t think I’ve ever been on a proper first date, well actually I have but only once.

met on dating app, chatted for 3 days in there; not too much as I don’t want to create too much of a mental image of this person without meeting them, I’m bad for that! Then we moved to what’s app, no exchange of pics except what’s on the profile, and then he asked me to meet up.

im sure I will be fine there it’s just the getting there!! 🤢

What exactly are you nervous about?
I was nervous they wouldn't like me physically in person. It helped having a short coffee date and then having a meeting arranged with a friend to talk all about it.
A video call before the date is prudent.

Just try and look on it as a chat with someone new. It a good idea I think not to chat too long before meeting. Let someone know where you are going. Hope it is pleasant

Thanks…. I don’t know what I’m nervous about soecifically… he knows what I look like as all my photos are recent and not trying to make me look better than I am. Even a no make up selfie!!

I’ve totally honest and myself iver message I think he gets a good sense of who I am fundermentally.

but I tend to chat a lot, and am very open, too open. So I’m scared to not have good boundaries. I’ve made the mistake in the past with giving too much of myself.

I must tell somewhere I’m going actually, good point. I’m going to a place that I know people will be in there. Will tell my friend now and get her to call me after an hour to check in alive!

Yeah definitely tell someone.
It helps to practice brief diplomatic answers to sore subjects and a few phrases when you want to change topic. Have some neutral open questions prepared to keep the conversation going. Try taking a sip before you answer of your drink or repeat the question just to delay the answer by a few seconds so you assess how much you want to say if you want to answer it at all, remember you're not obliged to answer anything you don't want to. Think in advance about what you definitely don't want to talk about and stick to your red lines. I look myself in the mirror and say: not talking about this if they ask I will say this and it somehow seems to stick in my brain this way.
Keeping the date brief helps, maybe ask your friend to give you a call to signal ending the apt or have an alarm go off so you don't feel trapped if it's a flop.

Thanks those are such good pointers, and will defo help :-)

Reframe it in your mind.

It's not if you are good enough etc for him it's if he's good enough for you.

Been OLD on and off for years, see a few familiar faces now and then.

Yesterday I was out for a pub meal with a meal with boyfriend of 3 months

Sat at the next table was a guy I'd been on a date with 2 years ago. He was on a first date 🙈

We both did an awkward smile then avoided all acknowledgement of each other for the rest of the night.

My advice is usually chatting to them for a longer online then I can ask them about things they've mentioned in mor detail like, oh you work at x what's that like or asking about their hobbies.

Avoid ex talk early on and avoid any topics that will upset you

Just wants to share my funny anecdote from last night. I could hear most of their conversation! Between me and my boyfriend chatting.

I mentioned pancake day to my date, 3 mins later they were talking pancake day too! 🤣 possibly subconsciously listening.

Oh gosh that’s funny!!!

You're seeing if you like him, not if he likes you. The whole idea is to meet someone you feel comfortable with, and your future partner will feel good to be around from the off, so, if it's an important date (i.e. a relationship starting), it'll be really nice. If it's anything but nice, it won't be important, and you can just stand up any time and say, well, it's been nice to meet you, good luck on your dating journey! And leave.

Be yourself, try and relax, think of some things to talk about before hand.
this sounds very like me and my now husband, met on a Dating site, chatted on WhatsApp for 3 days, met and then married within a year
this maybe the best thing you ever do
good luck x

Hey guys…. Ok I did it!
I didn’t let my nerves get the better of me. We talked solidly for 4 1/2 hours!! Lovely interesting deep conversations, but I kept my boundaries and didn’t share and details or of things personal. He was so respectful and kind.
He asked me if I wanted to see him again, I said I would like to hang out again, but I want to take it slowly.
felt so embarrassed went it came to say goodbye, I decided to peck him on the lips just to see I did fancy him (I was attracted to him) but didn’t want a full on snog. It felt too soon, I’m really enjoying knowing my own boundaries and asserting them. He gave me a lovely cuddle.

so yeah that’s that, success I would say. We connect really well but I do not want to jump into a big relationship. And he knows that

Hurray! Sounds as if it went really well and, importantly, you have successfully broken that first-date barrier. It will all be easier from here on. But who knows, you may not need another first date!

Ah brilliant update! Glad it went well.

Thanks for the update! Glad it went well :)

Sounds good! Something that's often not recognised about having healthy boundaries is that it feels great to acknowledge and respect them.