Is it unfair to have not had a lie in for 4 weeks?

[littlemissmummyof3]

Me again, my partner scaffolds and has had a tiring couple of weeks at work recently. We have a very active 4, 5 and 8 month old. Im up at 5 everyday, walk 3 miles for the school run and don't stop. I also try and fit work in from home to do my bit with bills. Im so mentally and physically exhausted. He keeps saying he will get up for the morning feed and doesn't. I wake him up and then he gets sharp and tells me he's "doing it" whilst dozing and eventually I give up every time and do it myself.

Tried to have a conversation just before about this to be told I never understand when it's him that's tired and he's really trying to twist it round onto me. Whilst talking, (he was more than awake before our conversation), he started closing his eyes and told me I'm going on at him now. I've had enough of getting nowhere and will really struggle getting him to leave. He's fine other than this, I just wanted somewhere to vent. What would you do?

Three little children is tough. Did you discuss how it would work when you planned your third? Feeds, housework, childcare etc?

Walk three miles for the school run?

your 4 and 5 year old walk 3 miles to school? And then back?

We used to have one weekend day each when ours were babies. I would have Saturdays to sleep in

I assume the 3 miles is cumulative daily: 3/4 mile there, 3/4 mile back in the morning, repeat in the afternoon.

I doubt it’s 12 miles a day with a pram.

I meant 3 miles overall a day! Not entirely what I was asking for advice on though🙈

That’s really not much. Not even close to 10,000 steps a day.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's really beside the point. Having 3 children (2 of which aren't at school yet) is tough!! I was merely stating that I also don't drive yet so things are a little tougher. Jeez😅

Surely you both just agree for one person to lie in on Saturday and one on Sunday?

That's what I'm saying, but he then refuses to get up. Did you read the post?

Can you just go back to bed in the afternoon or will he not have them at all?

Sounds like you’re both busy and tired and yes, he should absolutely be sharing getting up some mornings. It sounds like he does think so too so I’d talk to him in the evening, agree who will do what when and make it clear you’re not responsible for waking up yourself to get him to do it.

Sounds like it might not be that straightforward but he needs to agree to something and you need to be clear to hold him to it. hopefully once he’s realised youre not just going to take over if he doesn’t feel like it he’ll get the message eventually.

Talk to him again. You planned three children, close in age, he must have realised what it would be like. He needs to get our of bed, no matter how tired he is. That's parenting. How about nobody gets a lie in, and chores are done quicker?.

He's being selfish and unreasonable.

There are alot of threads on mumsnet like yours. Sadly alot of men don't pull their weight when it comes to housework and child rearing. And alot never change because they know their partners will put up with it.

As you've already told him how you feel and he's refusing to change I'm not sure where you go from here.

Personally I'd throw him out for afew days to let him know your serious and hope that gives him the shock he needs to step up.

Otherwise he's going to carry on happily as he is while you get more and more exhausted and resentful.

Could you not just go to bed earlier?!

I don’t think that’s really the point 🙄. Everyone deserves a turn on a lie in

eventually I give up every time and do it myself

He knows you'll do this.

Can you give yourself a reverse lie-in ie the might before?

I'm going to say YABU purely because your posts suggests you're prone to drama. "Walk three miles everyday" does rather suggest three miles each way; not three miles over a whole day and less than a mile per trip!

And "try to fit work in" - so you don't have a job, you just do bits here and there?

Tbh you sound like you're hard work and prone to overexaggeration, so it's very difficult to say who's being unreasonable here. If your partner is a scaffolder I bet he's up early too and is undoubtedly on his feet a lot of the day.

Personally I'd throw him out for afew days to let him know your serious and hope that gives him the shock he needs to step up

That definitely won’t help OP get a lie in! And will give him even more of a break!

OP says she’s had enough of getting nowhere and asked what would you do? The argument is always going to be that one deserves the lie in more than the other, one works harder than the other so deserves it more, one is more exhausted than the other so is entitled to it etc etc etc. She says he’s fine otherwise, so the answer obviously is to stop having the same pointless argument over and over and just go to be earlier. That’s what I would do.

guess it depends how he is the rest of the time, if he pitches in with dinner, cleaning, sorting out everyone's lives etc. It's disrespectful to you either way.

Yeah I had this sort of situation. I never did get him to get up.

However… whenever I do something “selfish” now I remember how he let me get up at 5 no matter what for so long. That squashes any guilt.

also if you can sleep in a spare room then do it. Life’s a lot better on enough sleep.

Stand your ground, he’s taking you for
granted.

What time does he leave for work and what time does he come home? Why are you actually getting up at 5 and not settling the baby back to sleep until 7 or so?

I know you must be tired but he must also be knackered if he's a busy scaffolder. It's hard work and it's been really cold lately too.

I could count on one hand the amount of lie ins I've had in 9 years. He just wouldn't do it. Causes huge resentment. Maybe if everything else is ok you could let it go but its terrible when your in it. To me its another case of a man just putting himself first 🤷🏻‍♀️