Pregnant and confused

[Bluestone432]

Hi
i have recently found out i am pregnant with my partner we have been together one year and for the first 7/8 months i can only describe to be the best bond I’ve ever had with someone. I felt like id genuinely found something only you dream of.
People would regularly say we was “perfect together” and a love story i was completely swept up in the idea of this perfect relationship. I was under no illusion that relationships were perfect however i was just enjoying being happy as id never felt like this before.

He made so much effort generally and i could see he was genuinely scared to mess it up as was i. So we made a-lot of effort with communicating and so on.

This soon came to an abrupt end 7 months in i started noticing he did not ever want to do anything and was quite happy sitting in the house, complaining that we could not afford it or down playing going out anywhere nice was just a waste of time and money.

which at first i just put it down to the fun summer we had experienced together. we done alot and even enjoyed a holiday away.

but a few months passed and it has got 100 times worse. He has completely let himself go i have to treat him like a child and instruct him to get a hair cut. Or have a bath. He goes into depressive modes where I literally have to beg to even come to the shops to get him out the house. He has occasionally bursts of energy where he shows me glimmers of who i fell in love with but they soon disappear. He wanted me to start a family and is happy i am pregnant.

On Valentine’s Day we had known about the pregnancy 2 weeks and i kind of expected some flowers or something sentimental as it was our first one together. He did not even remember it was valentines day even though i sent him a really sentimental video of our memories that same morning.

I probably should of mentioned this before but my main issue is i have only met his brother. He has a different type of family to mine and I appreciate all people have different family structures. Mine are (welcoming/family events/meals ect) he was the first person i have introduced to my family in a serious way so this was a big step.

i have mentioned how not meeting his family makes me feel and im just met with “i dont have a family” he is close with his mum but there is a slight language barrier so I wonder if he feels embarrassed. i dont think it is that but i cant think of anything else.

I know his brother is open with his girlfriend and she has met everyone i just don’t understand why im not enough to do the same. I got really upset the other day since being pregnant and shouted I still havent met your family and im pregnant. He just ignored me. I have considered every available reason to why i am not welcomed but cannot think of any.

I want to say i was excited to find out about the pregnancy however felt a sense of dread when i see the positive test. Weeks leading up to finding out I started having serious doubts about the relationship.

alot more too it than this small amount of information but i just feel like i really messed up here.

How far are you on in the pregnancy?

If it's early days, I would consider termination and getting out of this relationship.

It's so soon into the relationship to be pregnant, and you're finding out more and more that you don't like about this man and so much that doesn't bode well for a happy future together.

It's more likely that this is the real him and the person he seemed to be when you first met was the mask/the getting dates version of him, than the other way round.

You sound young. And this is completely dysfunctional.
You had a few fun months together dating and somehow decided this means you two are soulmates? It doesn’t work like this.
Not when it all turns bad at 7mo mark.
Which is when early relationship mask starts falling off and you start to get to know the real person.
And the real person you are with - is the hermit who wants to sit at home, and who seems to have a whole lot of issues. And who DEFINITELY is not a parent material. He needs to be patented himself, and that seems to be on a good day.

Get out of it - as soon as you can. Or you will end up in years if misery - with a baby and a man/child/patient you will have to take care of for years.

Hope you have family and friends who are telling you the same.

Get out while you still can. This man will be a life sentence. Trust me.

Can anyone help please ??

i had symptoms of pregnancy all my tests were coming back negative so I went to see a doctor who did a pregnancy test , the first one came back as a clear positive . She did another one to confirm and it was negative ?

am I pregnant or just faulty test ??

i am booked for more tests just seeing if anyone experienced this

@Womenshealth I think you've accidentally posted on someone else's thread - you probably want to start a new thread in Chat or the Pregnancy or Conception topic.

Thank you so much !
apologies xx

im new to this xx

agree so much op.

As others have said, his behaviour now is who he is and the first 7 months were probably a combination of him being excited about the relationship (now worn off), him being on his best behaviour and trying to impress you and draw you into relationship. He sounds like someone who might have short bursts of making an effort if he senses that he needs to. He will basically be a misery to live with and being a single parent would be easier than having to also look after him.

He lovebombed you. Are you already living together as your description makes it sound like you do? In which case, he's been fake and just been playing at being everything you ever wanted. When really, this is who he is, the mask has slipped.

If you're less then a couple of months I think you should really think about terminating. Either that or just accept that he is going to be a dead beat dad and you'll be raising the baby on your own. From what you've described I can't imagine he will have any intentions to help you financially either.

This is who he is, there’s a reason they call the first months of a relationship the honeymoon period. The sooner you let go of the honeymoon period him, the better.

He sounds like he'll become a complete millstone around your neck. If his brothers partner has been introduced to the family then he isn't introducing you because he doesn't want to/ doesn't care enough.

Do you live together? Do you particularly want a baby now and can you raise it yourself? I honestly don't make a habit of saying 'consider a termination' on here but he sounds like someone who will not bring anything particularly positive to your life or be a proactive father.

Accept that he said all the right things for a few months and you were receptive but that this is the real him now. It shouldn't be like this.