How to make friends

[Rose424]

How can I make new friends in my 50s? It seems so difficult.

I joined a small exercise class, introduced myself, and only one woman said hello then walked away. Nobody introduced themselves to me or told me anything about the class. I felt really awkward because I didn't know the format or where to get a mat from.
The next week a new woman started, and I said hello to her and told her where to get a mat and she seemed to really appreciate that. The following week she wasn't there, and then I gave up going because I was embarrassed nobody spoke to me. They were speaking amongst themselves during the class though.
A similar thing happened when I joined a new hobby group. None of us knew one another beforehand but a small group quickly became friends. Nobody seemed to want to approach me or talk to me. I approached a couple but didn't get anything back. Even when there was a point of mutual interest - I ask about them, but they didn't ask anything back about me (it was about owning a dog).

Has anyone experienced this directly, or have you seen a new woman join a group and something has put you off speaking to her for some reason?

It helps to have a common cause... I've joined some feminist women's groups and found it fairly easy to make acquaintances at least, as there's a ready made focus for conversation

As for more deep friendships, I think they make themselves. I've had a few 'instant buddy' type experiences and a few 'slow burns'. I think all you can do is make lots of acquaintances and see where friendship naturally develops. Fine line between encouraging and forcing, and nothing worse than feeling like you are trying too hard.

Hi. I’ve found this too. I am part of a Facebook group locally which arranges social events. I always try to make an effort to say hello and introduce myself to any new faces, and always introduce them to at least one of the other members. But an issue has arisen recently where one new member wanted then to become one to one friends outside of the group and that’s definitely not what I am looking for. Also, we’ve had several men join, who turn out to be looking for romantic relationships. So some of the group members are reluctant to be too friendly in case they get drawn into something they might not be interested in.

Also give it time in a new group, it can take a while to 'break through '.

And even if you don't drink alcohol, anywhere that goes to a pub afterwards is likely to be conducive to making friends

Can you join a group or class where everyone is new together? It is hard to break into established groups.

I have a lot of friends but none developed overnight or even over weeks really. It takes a long time to be really close to someone.

Keep trying, it will be hard but dogs are a fantastic way of making friends. Next time a dog conversation starts up maybe suggest going for a walk together?

It's hard. I'm a natural introvert and come across a bit quiet and indifferent until people get to know me. I find that most groups value extraversion and ignore the quieter types as it takes too much effort or depth.

I think just keep trying and join groups that you feel really enthusiastic about. It can take ages to find your tribe. Have you looked at meet up groups?

Thank you for the suggestions.
I am an introvert and that makes it all the more difficult because I don't think people see me as an introvert. When I've said in the past to people I am an introvert they seemed really surprised.
I've tried walking meet-ups without success. I turned up as a new walker and the leader said 'a couple of new faces here'. I smiled and said that from their website they looked like a friendly group. Then I felt shamed when his wife turned to someone and said that she didn't know there was a league table for friendliness.
I must have 'mug me off' written on my forehead!

That is usually my experience but against all odds I made two new friends fairly instantly last year. One through a work setting ( dont work together but similar industry) here we went for drinks and ended up bonding over multiple bottles of wine! Not to be recommended but still friends a year later. The other I met at a festival and we've got children the same ages and just clicked.

Usually it does take ages tho

That woman sounds awful, maybe she doesn't value newcomers to the group. In my experience groups turn cliquey v quickly and its extremely hard to break into the mould. People form bonds and reject others to assert their own identity and security. It's a tough situation to be in.

Are you religious or spiritual? Such groups can be more open to new people.