What do i tell her?

[Step99]

I need your help to craft a nice, empathetic reply to one of my oldest friends. Please!?

We've been friends since we were 4, and have been living in the same city again for the past few years. I love her and value our friendship.

But..she has a very odd habit of suggesting to meet up, and then rushing it. Telling me it needs to be a 'quick one', she has to go home, its 'family time' soon etc (she has a toddler, teen and dh)..

She just texted me to ask if i wanted to go down to her house for a drink later. I said, great..i could come down around 6/7 after dh has come home from work (we have 2 dc). She said 6 is Ok. At 7 we start getting ready for bed.
I dont feel like rushing to get there, down one drink and being 'kicked out' at 7pm. I suggested we'd meet somewhere for a drink instead but her dh is out. So how do i word it nicely that i would rather she gets in touch when she has time to catch up rather than literally squeeze me in in between dinner and bedtime 🙄 I value her, but this rushing doesnt work for me.

I think I would gently refuse all meet ups until they were at least two and a half hours. Maybe you could try setting the time scale? You could say lets meet for coffee but I have to leave by 1pm.

Does she mean she'll be kicking you out at 7 or she'll get the kids ready and then you carry on? If it's the former, just say can we meet properly somewhere when your DH is around so we can have some proper time out together, I'd love to have a no time limits meet with you. Surely if you've been friends for years you can be open with her? How is her DH with her, is he happy for her to spend time without him?

No, she means i can stay til 7, and then leave. Which doesn't work for me. Id happily help her with the bedtime and then carry on, but that's not what she means..

Previously ive just said i cant make it, but i feel like i should address this rushing somehow. Just dont know how to say it..

"Aww, I'd love to see you for a bit longer really! Shall we leave it for today and try and find a time when we don't feel under so much pressure? Would be so nice to relax with you!"

Or something like that? Is she permanently stressed since having children?

@heldinadream thank you! I'll text something along those lines.. and now that you mention it, yes she's seemed to have become more like this since her toddler was born. Maybe shes stressed out..

Are these little slots all.slots when her dh isn't around? Because I am getting red flags here although not sure what. Could be that she's terrified if being alone so arranges short activities so she doesn't have to. Or her dh doesn't like her to be with others so she finds small slots. Or something else.

I would definitely address it. Can be casual but "oh, I would.much rather we found a time for a proper catch up and not rush? What sort of availability do you have?" And see her reaction.

Dear friend, could we arrange a day when we could spend more time together instead please? It's just that I love being together with you and really would like us to be able to spend longer having fun and catching up, you're my dearest friend xx

@Triffid1 i texted her it would be nice to see her, but its too short and its not nice to rush. Also said i understand its difficult to organise meet ups with a toddler and we should get together when theres time, and that after 7pm is best for me due to dh working most weekends.
She said fine..not difficult to organise meet ups, its just that today her dh is away watching a game. Also suggested we'd go for a walk tomorrow during the day.. which then again doesn't work for me because my dh works weekends 🤦‍♀️ (and its not a walk my dc would enjoy)

So i dont know.. the times she suggests are always awkward, or she has a habit of canceling plans weve made well in advance just to suggest a different (awkward) time or place and then i have to say no. I feel like im always saying no.
Im starting to think maybe theres something going on at home..