everytime i say anything about my dd,my mother says something about her fav gc, my newphew

[greenhummingbird]

and tbh im finding it pretty rude

yes mum always favoured on of her three and now there child is the fav grandson

he is almost 2 my dd is 7 months

anytime i ever say anything
she always brings the conversation round to fav gc
she has 6 btw
and never mentions the others

for example even the other day i say oh [dd, only just got a tooth] oh dd really liked having her teth brushed she would say say x loves having his brushed too

even i say say negative things like im a bit shattered today dd hasnt had a nap allday she would say well x always had a nap everyday
never ever mentioning the other gc
just the fav one

its like she never responds to anything i say about my dd, just turns the conversation around to her fav gc
and because hes older i hear all the oh x has learnt how to this or that, and i nicely reply with things like oh thats good or great or say how well hes doing
but anytime i say anything about dd she always turns it around it her fav gc

what would you do?

what would you do or say in this situation?

just be nice if one in a blue moon i said something like, oh dd got on well with having her tooth brushed, she even liked it
my mum could just say oh thats good isnt it or whatever
without having to constantly bring heer fav gc into it

My ilaws do this all the bloody time and it is so hurtful. Until that is, I was around my sil house one day, all of a sudden she blurted out. That she was sick of my mil (her ma) ALWAYS going on about my kids and how hurt she was that mil never seemed to acknowledge her children or their achievements. Oh what a conversation we had

My Mum does this. I don't think it's because one gc is favourite over my ds though (although on my grumpy days I may have a sneaking suspicion). Being honest with myself, I'm pretty sure she is just sharing news - I tell her a piece of news and that reminds her of a piece of news to share with me about her other gc (who she sees all the time; we live about 2 and a half hours away).
It's well irritating though, isn't it!

I pointed out to my parents that they did this all the time...cue histronics, denials, claims of 'We love all our grandchildren the same!'

But since I told them how I felt, they have made more of an effort with my kids and have def. mentioned the other grandchildren less, so I think I may have hit a nerve.

It sounds petty to moan about it, but sometimes you just want the spotlight on your family, not someone elses!

Its also the sign of a bad conversationalist...you say something, they tell you what they know about it , rather than continuing on from your point.

are you brave enough just to say something like "you know all you ever tell me about is x, it's like the other gc don't exist, what's all that about?????"

are you brave enough just to say something like "you know all you ever tell me about is x, it's like the other gc don't exist, what's all that about?????"

maidamess how did you tell them what you felt, ive thought of saying
do you realise anytime i ever anything about dd your turn the conversation onto x

but don't know if im just being silly
but i hav to sit there and listen to everything x does
and i cant really say oh well dd does/doesnt do that too
as he is so much older
so its all kinda one way really

i didn't know if i was just being a bit over sensitive

id love to have the balls to say
"you know all you ever tell me about is x, it's like the other gc don't exist, what's all that about?????"

why th hell am i scared

You're scared because you yourself have said your mum favoured one of your siblings so you already feel rejected and are afraid she'll turn round and rub your nose in it. Point out to her what she's doing, maybe she doesnt realise.

Or call her up and tell her your DD has learnt to ride a bike!

lol thanks sm
well i thought of just doing what shes to me back to her

ie whenever she says anything about x ill not acknowledge it at all and rply with somthing about dd

for example
mum oh x can now do the actions to the wheels on the bus
me oh i was singing twinkle twinkle to dd last night and she was laughing out loud

pretty childish i know, but give her a taste of her own medicine
what do you think?

ghb if she doesn't realise what she is doing herself, then she might think you are a bit cracked. You could say what your dd has done with her other granny.

hi vs what does a bit cracked mean ? crazy or mad?

yeah i could say that as mil does help us with dd

sorry ghb. 'A bit cracked' does mean both crazy and mad.

lol be funny though just to confuse the old bag

she sort of talk about him in a way a mother would iykwim?

like oh yeah my x does this or that

not really like a gm with 6 grandchildren

yes, thats what i thought

sm
what would you do in this situation?

Yes next time she does something -anything...bought a new top, planted some bulbs, cooked a crumble, say 'oh yes well my MIL did that but bought a new outfit, planted a victorianknotgarden, cooked a Gordon Ramsey 7-course tasting menu. See how she likes it when she's constantly compared.

green, when I told my parents how I felt there was a lot more besides that I bought up, because my mum used to invite her 'favourites' over everytime my kids went to stay, so they never got any time just with my mum and dad.

You could say next time she does it, 'it upsets me that you don't seem as interested in my children as you do in xxx' I bet she doesn't even realise she is saying it half the time. Or say 'Yes, but we are talking about my child..' when she turns the conversation around to xx.

I have seen in my parents it is their failings that make them like this rather than any conscious favouritism.

They even used to do it when they only had my dd as a grandchild, but they would compare her to their Jack Russells!!

The other thing I do is just go silent when my mum brings up the accomplishments of her other gc's. Or leave the room. That works!

maidamess is your mum my mum ? lol
yes x is always there everytime we go too

omg can't believe they used to compare your dd to there dogs

sparkybabe thats a great point

women

you just dont get blokes talkin about this do you?

Tell her how you feel!

Or talk non-stop about how great your mil is and how much she loves your dd and how close they are going to be ..........

My MIL does this. She has seven grand-daughters and a year ago a grandson was born unto her. Truly, the light shineth out of his nappy-clad butt. I suppress my annoyance on my own children's behalf because of the rage I feel at how his older sister has been sidelined since the Chosen One came among us.

Ooooh Rosa - my mum also has this generational thing of thinking boys are worth more than girls, and as her 2nd girl I was quickly overshadowed when my brother came along. But I had the 1st GC (boy) who was the golden boy for a while. Brother's wife had a girl ('See? I told you she was no good for him') but then had ..., a boy. They live a long way off from mum, but he was the light of the world, until he grew up and turned into a complete spoiled moody little git. She now actively dislikes him!