Not slept a wink .. bf out. Is this normal?

[Ellofranki]

Fairly new relationship, around a year. Don't live together.
BF went out to a work party last night. He was messaging me lots before, called me in the taxi on the way out.
I told him not to worry about messaging me and to go have a blast , however when we said goodbye he said he would send me some pictures of the venue and food etc later on. (It's a fancy place).
So basically I then went about my night, went to bed around 11. Wondered why he hadn't sent pics ...
Woke up at 1am, still no message or pics...
I have now been up all night, not slept a wink. Am I crazy?

For content I am anxiously attached due to being cheated on in past. However I genuinely wished him well and to have a good night. But him saying he would send me pics, and then not, has massively triggered my insecurities..

I can't decide if he SHOULD have sent me pics and it's a massive red flag that he didn't. Or that I should be chilled like, he's drinking having fun.. let it go girl.

Help!

Was it a work party where no other halves were invited? Just wondered why you weren't going.
There will be colleagues who have put up pics on SM no doubt, so you could maybe see some of those.
There's a balance to be had, yes you have anxious attachment, but also, some people heighten it and even play up to it once they know and keep you in that state. Far better to not admit to people about it as it can be used against you.
He didn't have to say he'd send pics and if he knows about how you feel and then didn't, I'd say he knows the effect it would have.
You were trying to be the cool GF by saying no need to message. Better to have said nothing at all and see how it played out, you gave him a get-out to not have to think about you.
It might not all be you is what I'm saying. Is this an isolated incident, or have you been frequently anxious throughout the year? He could just not be the one for you.

I honestly don't feel you're ready to be in a relationship yet. You've clearly been badly hurt but it's not fair to your new man who, as far as anyone knows, has done nothing wrong to have your insecurities plastered onto him.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but if a man was posting this, he'd be eaten alive on here, called controlling and trying to dominate you. Is this how you want your relationship to be?
When he does call you, it's up to you how you behave. As a pp said, there could have been no signal, his battery died, or he was simply having a great time with his friends....none of these give you the right to ignore him.

@Opentooffers it wasn't a party for partners. I couldn't have gone anyway if it was.
He's messaged and I've been polite, said I hoped he had a nice night etc. But my heart keeps racing and I feel vomity. He said he went home after the party and slept. But he was online on Facebook at 5am so I feel like he was out all night if he was up then.
I'm probably overthinking like crazy. I'm just deeply suspicious and convinced he's lying / covering things up.

@TheDuck2018 I know. I don't want to control him. I'm just being honest about these feelings I have. They don't feel good... It feels horrible. Maybe I am better to end things. I don't know.

It's not normal no. What is you are actually worried about ? Cheating ?
I know it won't help but if he's going to he will. ( not meant horribly )

I totally understand where you're coming from. My partner went to a work party months back, and I was relatively okay..slightly anxious on the inside but that's just me! He'd said he wasn't that bothered about going, was going to leave early, get an earlyish Uber and call me at the hotel. This then changed because the night obviously wasn't as bad as he'd expected and he stayed til later and didn't call when he got back as I was already asleep. I ended up an anxious mess because of the change. It was hard to explain to him that it wasn't the fact he'd gone out, or that he was back at the hotel late ....it was the fact he'd built up beforehand that it wasn't going to be late, and that he'd call me, text me throughout etc. So I'd got my head around that..then it changed. I'd rather him not have said anything - like you say, he told you he was going to message and then he didn't - why did he bother saying he would then?! Say nothing if you're not sure. I'm definitely anxiously attached and hoping to heal slowly from it. I hope you're okay, anxiety over stuff like this feels so irrational but we can't help it xox

He probably didn't get a chance to send pics earlier on because he was in the moment and enjoying himself. And you had literally told him not to worry about texting!

Then later on he probably didn't want to send pics when you were asleep and maybe wake you up.

Maybe he went to sleep and woke early for the toilet and that's why he was on FB.

Unless there is a lot more that you haven't disclosed, your reaction - especially feeling physically ill - sounds very extreme and is related to your anxious attachment. Please get some help for that Because otherwise it will cause you huge problems throughout your adult life.

I know how hard it is @Ellofranki
I drive my bf nuts with my overthinking / anxious attachment. I'm working on it and he's been great with reassurance etc but trying to explain to him that while it's not nice for him, I'm not doing it deliberately, it's not nice to live with a mind like this either!

@dalmation4046 yes that's exactly the same as me! It was because he created within me an expectation, which I put a lot of importance on emotionally because of my insecurities.
Doesn't make it right .. I know I have issues. But it was having the expectation dashed that triggered everything. If that makes sense?

For those asking, yes I've been hurt in the past by someone cheating on a night out. My GP actually diagnosed me with PTSD after it. It sounds dramatic, but yeah I guess it's left some long term damage as that was many years ago. I am going to try and get some help.

You may not be doing it deliberately, @nc1013, but you should be able to at least outwardly control the urge to "drive your BF nuts". For both you and the OP I'd suggest Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller, as well as some CBT.

You sound like you are lacking in self esteem, @Ellofranki. There's lots of self help books on this, but The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Barden is a classic.

Women Who Love Too Much by Dr Robin Norwood is another classic book that might benefit you and others who always overthink relationships and risk bending over backwards to keep a man.

OP look up ROCD — I’ve been going through similar and my jaw dropped when I read it